The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

Cracked Round-Up: Coyote Edition

You've heard of coyotes- men who smuggle immigrants across the border for money, most often in the context of the Mexican border. But we've spent our last week embedded with a troupe of Maine-based coyotes, sneaking underprivileged Nova Scotians by canoe off to the cheap liquor and lack of parking exemplified by the American Northeast. Oh, there are American border agents to contend with. But while they won't sell out for a few pesos, it's remarkable what an honest man will do for pure, uncut maple syrup.


Speaking of Canada, Brendan McGinley made a credible case for Justin Bieber as the anti-Christ. Next came Cyriaque, with an explanation for why the dick pic is our cultural legacy. Adam Brown showed us the illegal uses of gas station products as Soren Bowie gave some awful tips for keeping your New Year's resolutions. This cavalcade of bad advice was broken up by Brockway's collection of insane old men's magazine covers and Gladstone's look at gaming from the eyes of someone who last played Atari. Bucholz put together a guide for surviving a futuristic theme park breakdown and John Cheese sobered us up with this list of things we forget to check while apartment hunting. Luke McKinney darkened the mood, with this look at assholes invented by the Internet. Dan O'Brien closed us out with the movies they don't make anymore but really should.


HARD WORK
The 5 Craziest Ways Famous Actors Got Into Character
The "great actor" and "crazy shithead" venn diagrams cross a lot more than people like to admit.


Notable Comment: "Christian Bale should be on this list."

Christian Bale should be in a lot more things, peanutsky. Like our musical version of Planet of the Apes, staring a cadre of live apes voiced by Alan Alda. But Bale refused to learn how to figure skate, forcing us to pass the role to Christian Slater.




MAYBE HISTORY
5 Insane What-If Scenarios That Almost Changed Everything
Time travelers, consider this a quick reference guide to throwing a wrench in history's spoke.


Notable Comment: "Good thing Stalin let Finland win the Winter War. Nazi Germany could have survived quite a bit longer if they hadn't mistakenly perceived the Red Army as weak."

Mr.Correct is either a soviet propagandist, or educated by one.



FOLLOW UP FUCKERY
5 Horribly Misguided Attempts at Teaching Lessons Creatively
Teachers aren't any worse at their jobs than anyone else, but the involvement of children makes any mistakes they do make incredibly hilarious.


Notable Comment: "I sit here teary-eyed bellowing laughter over an article that is essentially about thousands of small children being traumatized."

Stabmurder, around the office we have a saying: there's no sense feeling bad about being a terrible person, because then you won't be able to enjoy it.



HOLLYWOOD REALITY
The 5 Most Badass Movie Scenes That Happened in Real Life
If you read this before watching the next Die Hard movie, we guarantee it'll make the whole film more plausible.


Notable Comment: "If someone is lightly sprayed with water during REM sleep they are more likely to recall dreams involving water."

That's true, Masterofacts. And if you lightly spray them with gravy, they're more likely to recall dreams involving livestock.



DATA OF HATE
5 Innocent Things That Science Says Make People Hate You
So yeah. This is why no one ever comes to your parties.


Notable Comment: "A ketchup bottle with a deep voice who is nice to everybody. Make that s**t work, Pixar!"

Some Disney executive is going to make Yacht-money off of edgerunner's idea.





The Start-Up
Bad Conference Call, Pretty Decent Live Sex Cam
Working online means you're always on the job.


YOU YOU YOU!
15 Innocent Mistakes That Probably Caused Huge Disasters
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If Your Gadgets Could Gossip About You, Kids Shows Made Filthy With Needless Censorship, If Iconic Photos Were Photoshopped like Cover Girls and If Everyone Had Lifetime Statistics Like Pro Athletes.
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