Whether you're sitting at home trying to decide what to watch on Netflix or standing in the lobby of a cinema like some sort of caveman, movie posters are important. You've probably stared at thousands of posters over the course of your life before deciding that, fuck it, you're just gonna watch Hot Shots! Part Deux again. We've all been there.
That's why we're always surprised when we notice that famous actors tend to do the exact same oddly specific things in almost every single one of their posters, for reasons that are beyond the comprehension of common mortals like us. For example ...
8 Nicolas Cage Has to Have Fire in His Posters, Either Below or Behind Him
Much like Van Halen and their bowl of M&M's, Nicolas Cage must have a clause in his contract stating that he won't appear in any movie that doesn't have fire on its poster. You'll also notice that in all these cases, the fire is either behind Cage or below him, and that he never looks at the fire.
Check out the Spanish Season of the Witch poster for a bonus fireball!
Speaking of Drive Angry, exploding vehicles are a recurring motif in Cage's oeuvre. Sometimes he's behind an exploding car ...
"I told you not to use your cellphone at the pump!"
... and sometimes he's running away from it, like that time he starred in a re-enactment of Taken.
Except that Liam Neeson would have already chopped that fire in the throat.
In Con Air, he's depicted above a plane trying to lift off in the middle of an explosion ...
... and in Knowing, he's standing alone in the middle of the resulting wreckage.
In Lord of War, he plays an arms dealer, a job that according to the poster consists of literally selling explosions to people.
"Sure, the one on the left is bigger, but the one on the right will get you more bang for your buck."
Now, we'll admit that there are certain cases where it's somewhat justified, like when his character's head is literally on fire.
But then you have cases where we don't even remember that many things actually being on fire in the film itself, but they still set the poster aflame anyway:
"Just throw some torches on there. We told you, it's in his contract."
And finally there's The Wicker Man, the Nicolas Cagest of all movies, in which Cage didn't bother to show up for the poster at all. He was probably supposed to be running away from that fire or something, but without him in the way, we finally get a pure, unobstructed view of the blaze:
Spoiler alert: Cage is inside there getting burned alive. At least it wasn't the bees.
7 They Keep Putting Zooey Deschanel in Boxes
You've probably noticed that Zooey Deschanel seems to play pretty much the same character in every movie she does, like a whiter, quirkier Samuel L. Jackson. She usually portrays a free-spirited, unconventional girl who does whatever she wants -- so it's a little bit ironic that her posters keep trying to put her in boxes. Literally.
"Nobody puts Zooey in a cor ... oh, OK, I guess they did."
It seems that Zooey's quirkiness is a force that must be contained lest it spill over to the rest of the poster and infect the other actors, so they started boxing her off right from the beginning of her film career -- she's been put in boxes in the posters for Mumford and Manic, and she doesn't seem very happy about it.
Run, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Run while there's still time.
This tendency continued in her movies Live Free or Die and The Go-Getter, but something happened -- her disruptive influence has shaken up the position of her boxes and those around her. She's breaking free!
Clever girl ...
It became clear that boxes were no longer enough -- Zooey had to be contained at all costs.
They eventually figured out a solution in (500) Days of Summer, where the entire marketing campaign consisted of trapping Zooey Deschanel in increasingly smaller boxes until she finally disappears.
One day, 500 tiny Zooeys will escape. You've doomed us all, you fools.