#3. A Puppy
Remember praying for a puppy when you were a kid? Your parents said no, so you appealed to a higher power in hopes that a dog would somehow miraculously appear, adorable itself into your folks' good graces, and proceed to love you forever? Apparently, this actually happened once.
"It came from that large blue area up there."
In May 2012, 7-year-old Taylor Callaway and his grandmother were spending some semi-quality time in the backyard of their home in Los Banos, California, when a puppy fell out of the sky. The two caught sight of the animal on its way down, saying that he bounced upon impact before being scooped up by Taylor. Adopting the dog was a foregone conclusion, as the grandmother said, "My thought is that when God drops a puppy from the sky, you keep it."
As it happens, the puppy's appearance was less an act of God and more an act of hawk.
KSWB ABC via Nydailynews.com
From an avian point of view, this is an extremely depressing story.
Just as the pup made his big entrance, his new owners noticed a hawk circling low over the yard, so they surmised that the dog had very narrowly escaped becoming bird food. T.J. Heavenly, as he's now called, had some puncture marks that were likely caused by talons; he was also covered in grease, suggesting that he may have been picked up from the nearby junkyard. Given his current celebrity status, T.J. was taken to the vet and now lives with Taylor and his grandmother ... and their existing assortment of cats, dogs, horses, and pet hawks. Yes, really.
#2. Frozen Human Waste
In 2008, Calgary resident Marian Liknes was minding her own business when she experienced that magical, rare moment when what you thought was a ridiculous urban legend suddenly becomes true. The grandmother of four had just walked into her bedroom to answer the phone when chunks of frozen waste from an airplane lavatory came crashing through her roof. When firefighters responded, they found numerous large pieces of the stuff on the woman's bed, along with scraps of shingles, plywood, drywall, and other bits of her house that the poop took out on its way down.
Waaaay too happy about holding this.
Liknes was hit by shards of ice, and the falling poop left a foot-wide hole in her roof. Screams were uttered, tears were shed, fingers were pointed, and the Transportation Safety Board was called to sort out the whole shitty mess. Authorities confirmed that the ice was from the bathroom of a passing airplane and that it was comprised of toilet water, antifreeze, disinfectant, human waste, and generous contributions from members of the mile-high club.
While most mid-flight loads don't end up targeting old ladies and partially destroying their homes, "blue ice" isn't completely unheard of. Although planes are prohibited from dumping their restroom tanks on the fly, transitioning from cold air to warm air can cause certain leakage problems. O-ring valves are used to empty the lavatory tanks; when they become incontinent, the seepage can freeze outside the tank and become a shit missile when it finally dislodges.
Take care of business, but understand that you're basically loading a torpedo bay.
Yeah, yeah. You're comforting yourself with statistics, reminding yourself that the odds of being mortared by frozen poo are decidedly in your favor. But hey, the odds were in poor Liknes' favor, too, until all of a sudden they weren't. You've been warned.
#1. A Man
And then, one day, it rained a man. Hallelujah.
In September 2012, residents of London's Mortlake neighborhood woke to find the mangled body of a man crumpled on the sidewalk between a lingerie shop and a place that sold Chinese medical cures. Believing that the man was a murder victim, police began their investigation while parents kept their children indoors and away from the gruesome sight. The unidentified adult male was approximately 5 feet, 4 inches tall and was thought to be between 20 and 30 years old.
After inspecting the body more closely, officers came to the shocking realization that the man's injuries weren't caused by another person, but were rather the result of an extremely long fall. Specifically, the part of the fall where he impacted the pavement and became a victim of his own inertia.
But where did he come from? Authorities think he may have fallen out of an airplane headed to nearby Heathrow Airport. The man had no identification, but he was carrying some money from Angola, leading detectives to surmise that he'd stowed away on a plane and fallen out when the landing gear was lowered. Residents of the neighborhood confirmed that planes frequently fly low over the area and that they often see the landing gear appear as planes prepare to land.
Notice how the diagram doesn't say "seat" anywhere?
According to the Civil Aviation Authority, the man probably died long before he fell out of the plane. Not that the alternatives are much better: He was likely crushed when the landing gear was raised after takeoff, or he may have froze during flight, since temperatures in uninsulated parts of the plane can reach minus 40 degrees Celsius.
It really is worth it to just buy a ticket, kids.