6 Insane Disney Comics You Won't Believe Are Real

#3. Donald Duck Becomes an Arsonist

Getty

As an established loose cannon, Donald Duck tends to be far more versatile than Mickey, able to play either hero or villain as the story demands. This particular story demanded that he play a crazed arsonist who tries to burn his nephews alive, so that's exactly what he did.

Via Four Color Comics #108
Some ducks just want to watch the world burn.

In this 1945 comic, Donald bumps his head and unleashes the hidden pyromaniac that always lived inside of him. This leads to him cackling with manic glee as he tries to set his house on fire while Huey, Dewey, and Louie are still in bed. The kids get up and try to reason with Donald, but he just brandishes fiery torches in front of their flammable feathery faces -- he's gone off the deep end, and there's no coming back.

Via Four Color Comics #108
"He has an erection! Run!"

The story takes a bizarre turn (another one) as a copycat arsonist starts taking credit for and replicating Donald's crimes, forcing him and the boys to team up to take the imposter down. Yes, the hero of this children's comic is an arsonist. The imposter turns out to be some guy posing as a cop, whom Donald dispatches with a good ol' flaming rod to the butt.

Via Four Color Comics #108
Adding an extra two years to his prison sentence.

Donald is then commended by a judge for helping to catch the dangerous pyromaniac -- apparently the entire city has forgotten that Donald fits the same description, but fortunately he reminds them of this by setting fire to the judge's wastebasket. According to the artist who drew this comic, the story originally ended with the entire courthouse burning down and Donald being locked up, presumably for good, but at the last moment the publishing company had the last panels redrawn by another artist to reveal the whole thing to be a dream.

Via Four Color Comics #108
Now we'll never see the sequel where Huey has to smuggle cigarettes into jail in his asshole.

#2. The Mickey Mouse Death 'n' Dismemberment Special

Getty

You won't hear it recited that way in many nursery schools today, but the children's rhyme "10 Little Indians" originally involved half of the titular characters meeting untimely ends. In 1935, the rhyme was adapted into comic form in England's Mickey Mouse Annual No. 6, and the result was 10 Little Mickey Kids, in which several of Mickey's either illegitimate children or clones die over the course of five pages.

Seriously, one by one, we see the miniature Mickeys being torn apart by explosions while playing with gunpowder ...

Via Thadkomorowski.com
Look at the little arms, legs, and ears shooting off in the upper right.

Being sucked into airplane propeller blades ...

Via Thadkomorowski.com
"You know what I hate? Children. Chad, hand me a pen."

Getting eaten alive by a giant chimpanzee ...

Via Thadkomorowski.com
"What's the matter, Chad? Why are you looking at me weird? Chad? WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

And meeting various other tragic fates, until there are only two of them left. Clearly traumatized by the sudden deaths of their siblings, the two remaining Mickeys try to commit suicide in various ways (wonder where they got that idea), but are left to the cruelest fate of the whole bunch: being forced to live on with smiles frozen on their tiny faces while their souls rot away inside their bodies.

Via Thadkomorowski.com
There is no other way to interpret this panel.

#1. Mickey and Goofy, Amphetamine Dealers

Photos.com

Hey, remember when Goofy and Mickey became crank distributors and got involved in a violent turf war with another dealer? No? Then you were reading the wrong Disney comics as a kid, because that shit totally happened.

Via Erowid.org
"Punch me in the face as hard as you can!"

See, while amphetamine use is strictly regulated these days, in the 1950s it was perfectly legal to buy it over the counter at your local pharmacy. Disney apparently thought it should comment on this popular new drug by getting Mickey hooked on it while Goofy remarks that it "tastes like chocolate."

Via Erowid.org
"Hey, kids, you know what else tastes like chocolate? Bleach!"

The comic starts with Goofy getting a "free sample" (that's how they always get you) of a speed-like substance called Peppo and sharing it with Mickey, who suggests that they make the transition from users to dealers. However, Mickey and Goofy find out that there are already Peppo dealers all over the country, so they end up trying to peddle the stuff in a tiny village in Africa.

Via Erowid.org
This is the least racist way you were legally allowed to draw a black person in the 1950s.

As it turns out, everyone in this village, including its king, is already hooked on a depressant that drug connoisseur Mickey instantly recognizes as "hash." Soon our heroes run into the local hash dealer, who doesn't appreciate Mickey and Goofy moving into his turf.

Via Erowid.org
Man, Chris Rock would have a field day with this.

The hash dealer locks Mickey and Goofy up, saying he'll "fix them" the next day, but they escape and pour Peppo into the sleeping king's mouth, thereby counteracting the effects of the downers with Mickey's more powerful uppers. Who says comics don't teach science?

Via Erowid.org
If by "worked" you mean "induced cardiac arrest," then sure. Success!

Thankfully, it all works out in the end. The dealer is exposed for his crime of sedating the population, leaving Mickey and Goofy free to continue dealing amphetamines in peace. Another classic Disney ending!



When not reading funny animal comics, Drew Anderson writes food reviews here and movie reviews here. If you'd like him to write things for you too, drop him a line.



For more comic issues you won't believe happened, check out 6 Comic Book Crossovers You Won't Believe Actually Happened and 6 Comics That Covered Serious Issues And Failed Hilariously.

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 4 Ingenious Ways Celebrities Used Their Autographs.

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