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Welcome to the Cracked Round-Up's first ever drinking game! To play, you'll need a case of beer, a bottle of vermouth and a full pint of Everclear. Here are the rules:

1. Each time you see a numbered list, take a swig of beer and wash it down with a hearty gulp of straight vermouth.

2. Each time the taste of vermouth following beer causes you to retch, chug the remainder of your beer.

3. Each time you start to hate this game, drink as much of the Everclear pint as you can.

Okay, so this wasn't really as much of a 'drinking game' as it was an excuse to pound terrible alcohol before reading the round-up. We hope the following links bring you comfort while you wait for the ambulance to arrive and pump your stomach.

Felix Clay got us started with the awkward situations that make you look like a dick. He followed himself up with the five things no one tells you about dealing with death. Chris Bucholz gave us the greatest lies ever told by children as Soren Bowie presented movie sports scenes by people who don't watch sports. Brendan McGinley looked at the monster movies Hollywood needs to make next while Brockway looked at the most epic benders in arrest report history. John Cheese mulled over the social rules parenting forces you to break and Winston Rowntree closed us off with an illustrated guide to why good bands start sucking

5 Insane Theme Parks You Won't Believe Were Almost Built
If some billionaire out there doesn't take this article as a cue to actually build these crazy things, then capitalism has failed.

Notable Comment: " An overblown Vegas replica of the Enterprise for me to walk around in and fulfill my childhood dream of drinking something blue in ten forward? Take my money...take it now."

The Star Trek Experience has been shut down for years, Hollykim. But that doesn't mean you can't build an exact replica of Ten Forward in your bedroom and charge nerds ten bucks an hour to drink shitty mixers filled with dry ice.

5 Famous People You Won't Believe Didn't Exist
At this point, we're not even sure we exist.

Notable Comment: "Hey if William Tell really means that much to the Swiss lets not piss them off by insisting he isn't real. After all I think we can all agree it would absolutely suck if laxatives suddenly started "accidentally" appearing in our yummy chocolate and cheese imports."

In the case of cheese, Ms.Escapist, something tells us they've been doing that for years.

6 Hidden Glitches That Make Famous Video Games Way Better
If you're a programmer, being too lazy to check your work can be the catalyst for genius.

Notable Comment: "I always thought Skyrim (or just all Bethesda games) should have an achievement for getting around glitches. Like the postcard said, "Come for the bitches, stay for the glitches!"

Dr_Mindbender has a future in the 'postcards for video games' industry.

5 Rare Things That Are Way More Common Than You Think
What the hell are you waiting for? Put together a crew of ne'er-do-wells and find some buried treasure.

Notable Comment: " I'm pretty sure at some point in the near future we think of a some use for oil other than burning it away. People will think that burning this stuff was the most idiotic decision humankind has ever taken, we'll probably need just another 100 barrels to make that spaceship with all 20 billion souls from earth to fly off this planet just before that giant asteroid hits us and some old timer sits there, on the plane, sobbing something about his humwee."

CreamK, whatever undiscovered benefits oil may have, we're able to confirm that it does NOT work as a personal lubricant.

6 Horrifying Animal Kills Science Didn't Think Were Possible
We may not be as safe on top of the food chain as we like to think.

Notable Comment: "Watching an insect devour a mammal seems so... wrong. It's one of the most unsettling things I've ever watched."

Shishi82 needs to harden his heart before the insect revolution boils up around us all.

Today's Topic
4 Things Dancing Can Tell You About Sex
Spit-tasting is the key to romance.

22 Everyday Problems Caused by Famous Sci-Fi Technologies
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Horrifying Unseen Parts of Famous Cartoon Worlds, If Sex Was Treated Honestly in Movies TV, Odd Lessons We Learned from Video Games and Surreal Images With Mind-Blowing Explanations.
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