We've demonstrated before that, even according to science, being a teenager sucks. So one could logically assume that if being a normal teenager sucks, then being a shy teenager must be even worse. But if we ever got the chance to go back in time to visit our lonely teenage selves ... well, first off we'd deal them an epic backhanded mouthslap (butterfly effect be damned). But once they recovered, we'd tell them to keep their chin up, because ...
5No Sex Now = Greater Life Satisfaction Later
Adolescence is the period in everyone's life where the idea of sex metamorphoses from a mysterious concept to an uncomfortable and alarming reality to a baited hook perpetually hanging above your head. And high school thrives on that shit. If high school's social ladder were representative of the real world, every world leader would be required to submit a detailed banging history in order to cement his qualification for the job.
"Franklin Kimble: Right in the asshole."
In such a hypersexualized environment, it's easy to get depressed when your crushes are less than receptive to your charms (or, in the case of your average shy teenager, your lack thereof). It feels like you're failing some crucial self-defining test, every single day. But if you look at the long term, you're passing with flying colors -- because as it turns out, having sex later than most people might in fact be better for you.
A study done by the University of Texas found that people who lost their virginity late (defined in the study as older than 19) tended to attain a higher level of education, a higher income, and, yes, a greater level of relationship satisfaction during adulthood than those who lost their virginity at an average (15 to 19) or early (before 15) age.
"I waited until I was 30. Now, my executive position allows me to fuck entire communities."
Possible explanations include more selective partner choices, avoiding negative adolescent relationship experiences, and our personal favorite: "Individuals who first navigate intimate relationships in young adulthood, after they have accrued cognitive and emotional maturity, may learn more effective relationship skills than individuals who first learn scripts for intimate relationships while they are still teenagers."
In other words, while the other kids are learning how to fumble their way into each other's pants around the same time they're under the impression that "showing respect" is a synonym for "aggressive posturing," you get to learn about all that sex stuff later -- when you're actually emotionally competent enough to handle it.
"I'm gonna give you a big push so you can go on your own for a bit. I have to rub one out real quick."
And if your problem is that you're too shy, we need to clear something up ...