The problem with sarcasm, other than making it that much more likely that you'll be mistaken for Matthew Perry at some point in your life, is that you can do it so well (or so poorly) that people don't realize you're joking. Sometimes a sarcastic misfire can make you come across as a cynical asshole or an insensitive prick. Other times it can land your ass in front of a judge.
So please, before you go down this dark road yourself, let the following cautionary tales remind you that a good chunk of the world really doesn't like jokes.
5 Man Jokes About a Bomb in His Luggage, Shuts Down an Airport
On his way home from officiating at a hockey tournament in October 2012, 44-year-old NCAA referee Peter Friesema saw a golden opportunity for comic brilliance when the ticket agent was messing with his bags. You can already guess where this is going: Yes, he made a goddamn bomb joke.
Specifically, after the agent at Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport explained that it didn't really matter that she'd put his luggage sticker on his friend's suitcase by mistake because they were going to the same place, Friesema quipped:
"But my friend's bag has a bomb in it!"
"We're still having you detained for being a fucking idiot. Thanks for flying, though."
One Small Problem
Friesema, obviously not a very big Ben Stiller fan, was at an airport ... in America ... in the 21st century. There might be three words in the entire English language that you can't say at an airport, and this grown-ass man just happened to blurt out two of them (he failed to work "jihad" in there).
Besides being (figuratively) shot down by the agent he was apparently trying to hit on and then having to relive the awkward experience during interviews with (we assume) an entire team of disgruntled security officials, Friesema was also taken to jail, charged with disorderly conduct, and ordered to remain in the Klondike for another six weeks until his next hearing.
The judge was out of town for the Iditarod.
That last part was particularly bad news for Friesema, who claimed that his many years of service enforcing whatever "rules" hockey pretends to abide by would be lost if he couldn't return to Colorado sooner, but, as the judge was eager to point out, the order was indeed justified, given just how disorderly Friesema's conduct had been.
Oh, and thanks to Friesema's quip, the airport's main terminal was shut down for three hours in the middle of a cold Alaska night, causing several costly delays and forcing hundreds of pissed-off passengers (including many who were dressed in summer attire en route from warmer destinations) to shuttle to another terminal, hide out in a rental car garage, or simply huddle up in a freezing arctic doorway for a couple of hours while the FBI double-checked to make sure this really was just an extreme case of failed flirtation and not the most poorly planned and executed terror attack in history.