Cracked Round-Up: Joe Biden Edition

Look, we don't care what side of the political spectrum you fall under. Vice President Biden's rude, crude, zero-fucks-given performance in Thursday night's debate was the closest we've come to a straight up nationally televised political fistfight in years. Let this be a lesson to the candidates in 2016: it's time to drop what civility still remains in politics and just commit to a few honest deathmatches.

Ian Fortey kicked things off with a jot of the sacred: a look at the Internet's patron saints. Adam Brown followed up with his heeby-jeebifying list of terrifying things found in the last place you'd expect. Gladstone, ever the lone voice of reason, explained by the NDAA is the most important political issue no one talks about. Soren Bowie took us back to creepy-town with a guide for when you're expecting the Children of the Corn. Brockway wrote a whiskey-soaked guide to building your personal computer and Chris Bucholz looked at the social networking sins we all commit. John Cheese listed the life stages of Halloween appreciation and Dan closed us off with the worst side effects of every presidential election.

SPOILER ALERT

The 6 Most Mind-Blowing (and Pointless) Gaming Achievements Because sometimes suspense isn't nearly as important as advertising.

Notable Comment: "I once beat Ocarina of Time with three hearts and no shield (except for the mirror shield, but I only used it when it was required to reflect light to beat the temple). I didn't pick up any of the pieces of heart when I beat bosses. When I beat Ganondorf with my three hearts I just stared at the screen for a few minutes reflecting on how empty my life felt."

We can't help but feel like society would be safer if people like MurderSocks here were listed on some sort of registry.

UNDER THE LAW

5 Big News Stories That Left Out the Most Important Part Because our entertainment-focused news media doesn't exactly have stellar follow-through.

Notable Comment: ""Thalidomide High." So wrong, and yet, so hilarious."

It's like we always say, OnoSendai- don't knock it 'till you've freebased it!

BAD BACKGROUND

8 Movies Made Possible By Incompetent Background Characters In defense of these screenwriters, in the real world we're all incompetent background characters.

Notable Comment: "Die Harder specifically has a scene explaining they they did reroute all planes capable of reaching another airport to do so, and that the one's that couldn't were to be put in a holding pattern. Then, the terrorists hijack that actual tower to the point where no one on board a flight can talk to anyone on the ground. It's a total 45 seconds that completely invalidates the first entry."

OK, Pharaoh-Ashetti. Scroll back up, look at the map of all the airports within a few miles of Dulles and tell us again that one single damn plane would have been left circling.

E-PLAGIARISTS

5 Insanely Successful Video Games That Were Total Rip-Offs There's nothing new under the sun. Or, it turns out, on your hard drive.

Notable Comment: "Its funny in this day and age, and given how popular newgrounds was back a few years ago, that no one blew the whistle on the angry birds ripoff and that company hasnt been in trouble yet for wut they did"

Actually, j-dead, we have it on good authority that Rovio employs an elite squad of Samurai Wizards to execute anyone who might sue them for intellectual property infringement. We'd say more but, -OH GOD, THEY'RE ALREADY HERE!

SCRIBBLED KILLERS

5 Military Weapons Clearly Designed by a 5-Year-Old Because sometimes the best weapon designs are the ones you doodled in your notebook during math class.

Notable Comment: "Dropping cluster bombs filled with honey followed by a liberal blanket of fire ants would definitely have an affect on enemy troops. Those little buggars know how to bite!"

That's a wonderful idea, PictishGirl23. If only that damned Geneva Convention didn't get in the way.

Those Aren't Muskets

The Awful Implications of First Person Shooter Games What the fuck was that?

YOU YOU YOU!

Stills From Famous Videos, Before the CIA Edited It We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, If TV Show Titles Were Honest, If Movie Sequel Premises Were More Realistic, Everyday Life if We Could Understand Animals and The Election, as Understood by a Five-Year-Old.