Cracked Round-Up: Debate Season Edition!

It's critical to understand where your politicians line up on the issues. We get that. And we get why these debates should be considered important. But holy shit, no amount of bickering and nasty political ads can make two middle-aged lawyers arguing about economics sound interesting. Someone get those guys some taser gloves and let them duke it out.


Gladstone started things off from inside your head with a look at the stupid ways people try to avoid embarrassment. Ian Fortey followed up with some shameful DIY sex toys and Soren Bowie explained how Google Image Search made him world famous. Christina showed why high school makes you hate reading while David Wong told why the human race wishes monsters existed. Luke McKinney examined the stupidest ways of promoting abstinence as John Cheese listed the advice every adult wishes they'd received. Robert Brockway wound us down with an explanation of his crippling addiction to Borderlands 2 and Chris Bucholz closed things with a look at the things technology can't fix.



SPOILER ALERT
5 Pop Culture Creations Spoiled By Their Own Creators
Because sometimes suspense isn't nearly as important as advertising.


Notable Comment: "The Phantom Menace soundtrack came out the week before with a track titled 'Qui Gon's Noble End'"

We'll be honest, darthmorbyva- we kind of doubt anyone on earth cared enough about Qui Gon Jin to consider that a spoiler.



UNDER THE LAW
The 6 Most Insanely Reckless Smuggling Tactics
When you really think about it, crime requires way more innovation than simply obeying the law.


Notable Comment: "It has been my lifelong dream to construct a van made entirely out of pot, just like Cheech and Chong had."

We've never tried that, SteveHardon. But we did build a speedboat out of crystalline LSD once. It...didn't end well.



SCIENCE OF JOY
5 Famous Video Game Villains (Who Are Actually the Victim)
Video games are programmed by the victors.


Notable Comment: "This is probably just in the later installments, but I thought that Master Hand brought the dolls to life in order to fight against Crazy Hand? I remember being offended that the LEFT hand was crazy. Yeesh, first we're sinister, and then we're crazy."

OminousChris is a regular Super Smash Brothers scholar.



MYSTERY SICKNESS
The 5 Most Terrifying Diseases That Doctors Can't Explain
It's comforting to know that there are still a few mysteries in the universe. Wait, did we say comforting? We meant 'horrifying'.


Notable Comment: "King George III had porphyria. They say it was what made him so batshit insane. And, reportedly, defecate purple fecal matter, as well as urinate red urine. Nasty stuff"

Purple shit? Damn glorg, that's almost as kingly as being assassinated by your younger brother.



MYSTERIOUS!
6 Movie Mysteries Characters Should've Solved Way Sooner
In all the hullabaloo of Hollywood magic, it can be hard to see that some things make no fucking sense at all.


Notable Comment: "For the Terminator thing, I'm pretty sure I recall the Arm being used somewhere later either in the show or the 3rd movie. As if anyone really cares."

TheDigitalNomad, if James Cameron didn't care, why should we?





Today's Topic
Why The Ninja Turtles' Master Splinter Was a Cult Leader
Hitler was bad, but that doesn't mean child (turtle) soldiers are OK.


YOU YOU YOU!
21 Facebook Features That Need to Exist
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Creepy Easter Eggs Hidden in Mundane Photos, If Apple Started Making Other Products, Awkward Moments Behind Video Game Scenes/Levels and One Change That Would've Made The Movie Awesome.

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