#3. A U.K. Couple Gets Deported for Twitter Posts
It's not just emotionally unbalanced individuals who can blow a situation way out of proportion. Sometimes entire federal agencies can do the same.
For instance, British tourists Leigh Van Bryan and Emily Bunting probably didn't appreciate how on edge the American Department of Homeland Security can be at times. Otherwise, just before their American vacation, Bryan would not have sent a message to his friend on Twitter reading "Free this week, for quick gossip/prep before I go and destroy America."
In the U.K., this is apparently a slang term for partying really hard (wait, is that also what it means in Iran? Because that would explain a lot), but Homeland Security didn't get the reference.
"We think we can also get a domestic violence charge based on all these 'I hit that' tweets."
Bryan and Bunting were pulled aside at the airport and interrogated by Homeland Security agents determined to get to the bottom of the plot of two British citizens to single-handedly destroy America (God knows what the agents thought the "quick gossip" mentioned in the Twitter message was slang for). As if that wasn't bad enough, the department had scoured Twitter for further information on the British terror plot, and found another tweet by Bryan where he said he was going to "dig up Marilyn Monroe," a quote from Family Guy. This led to an awkward search of their luggage, apparently to try to locate any shovels they might be smuggling in.
Then U.S. Customs and Border Protection released a statement about the incident detailing how they were trying to "show the world that the United States is a welcoming nation." See, because we could have killed them and fired their bodies back across the Atlantic in a giant catapult as a warning to everyone else. But we didn't!
Don't worry, Deportapult. Your time will come.
#2. Guy Pulls a Gun on Another Man for Farting
New Jersey resident Daniel Collins had apparently been involved in an ongoing noise dispute with his neighbor, which isn't unusual. We don't know the details of the feud, but it was evidently no small affair, as Collins reached his breaking point when his neighbor, passing by the front door of his apartment, farted loudly enough for Collins to hear it.
Rather than light a match and breathe through his mouth for a few minutes, Collins answered the door with a .32 caliber revolver. From there, he pointed it at his presumably very surprised neighbor, stating that he was going to "Put a hole in his head." Because of the fart, you see.
"Silent, loud, I consider everything deadly."
Collins never went beyond threatening, but that was obviously enough for his neighbor to call the police to report that a man had pulled a gun on him for farting. After the presumed lecture over fake 911 calls had ended and the police realized that he was serious, they were dispatched to Collins' home. There they found the gun he had used in his car, and arrested him for possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose. Wait, that's not a legal reason to pull a gun in New Jersey?
"Don't be ridiculous ... we repealed that last year."
Of course the best part of this story is the fact that it got reported at all -- when the cops got involved, apparently both the gunman and the victim acknowledged that the fart was the instigator. It wasn't just some crazy heat-of-the-moment thing, and no one felt the need to tell the story in a way that made them look less like neighbors from a wacky sitcom. No, hours later, everyone involved was like, "You see, when I heard the fart, I knew that this was a situation that only firearms could solve. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go tell the press the same thing: I want the world to know."
#1. Woman Sues Walmart Over Two Cents
When Mary Bach reached the cash register at Walmart with her pack of Brown 'N Serve sausages, she knew that something was very wrong -- the label on the product read 98 cents, but the cashier tried to charge her a full dollar. She wasn't impressed, and neither, we assume, were the people lined up behind her with their groceries while she haggled over the two-cent outrage.
Walmart offered to defuse the situation by refunding the two cents, but the damage was done, and this grandmother wasn't about to take it lying down.
"Especially not with how long it takes me to sit up these days."
So she sued their asses over those two cents, alleging that it was totally intentional and they were trying to rip her poor ass off.
According to Bach, the suit wasn't about the money -- it was about principle. How can you justify overcharging customers two cents? The kicker is that Bach won the suit. The courts awarded her $100 for her suffering and $80 for her trouble. On one hand, that's a trivial sum compared to the time and energy she must have devoted to pursuing it. But that is also 9,000 times the disputed amount, making this the world's most successful and dumbest lawsuit at the same time.
Which kind of makes it the Walmart of lawsuits.
For more people who went a bit too far, check out The 7 Most Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits and 6 People Who Died in Order to Prove a (Retarded) Point.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out 5 Movies That Prove the Action Genre Won't Let a Dog Die.
And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how to punch someone through the Internet.
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