5 Insignificant Things That Determine if Someone Likes You

#2. Have Pretty Facebook Friends

Photos.com

As the more perceptive Internet user may have noticed, during the last few years, a little site called Facebook has hatched into a giant social behemoth that envelops pretty much everything we do. It has become so big that you're actually considered suspicious if you don't have a profile. One neat aspect of Facebook is that within the limits of your privacy settings, anyone can see pictures of not only you, but also all your friends -- something a person with a non-stalker mindset can't do when meeting you in real life. Still, that's just icing, right? It's not as if anyone cares who your friends are.

Wrong. Your friends do matter, and people can and absolutely will determine how much they like you because of them. Or rather, what they look like.

Getty
"I'm telling you, if my kid friends one more ugmo, her ass is up for adoption."

To test this, researchers set up a little experiment. They took two average-looking people -- a man and a woman -- and made them two Facebook profiles each. The profiles were identical save for one thing: What the person's friends looked like. One profile had a bunch of pictures of pretty friends and their pretty profile pics, while the other featured rather more ... homely friends (who hopefully weren't told what the experiment was for).

They then had test subjects judge the profiles, looking at either the pretty friends or the ugly friends. After answering a survey on how much they'd like to meet the person the profile belonged to, the researchers found the shallow truth: People were a cool 20 percent more likely to like the profile just because he or she had pretty friends. Just so they could join that elusive club of pretty people.

Getty
"Dude, it's awesome. They even give you a decoder ring!"

Or to put it in more scientific terms, the phenomenon is based on Darwinian theory -- namely that whole "survival of the fittest" thing he was constantly going on about. As per our built-in survival instincts, we're constantly keeping a subconscious eye out for that optimal mixture of genes. So when you see an average-looking person who has a bunch of pretty people as Facebook friends, you instinctively project their attractiveness onto that person. You don't necessarily think of him sexually -- you just sort of assume that he must have access to the good gene pool, which in turn makes him worth knowing.

The possibility of getting invited to some kind of bikini party also probably doesn't hurt.

#1. Embarrass Yourself in Public

Getty

We devote a huge amount of our time, money and energy to not looking stupid in public. For many of us, this leads to a level of self-consciousness where we flirt with a nervous breakdown whenever we do something that's labeled "wrong" in public. You know the feeling -- all those judgmental eyes staring down at you, all haughty and acting like they've never attended the opera pantsless, with a tiny bow tie on their dong.


"It was just easier than doing it on my neck."

Fortunately, this general aversion to public humiliation offers a neat little shortcut to aspiring ascenders in popularity rankings: Scientists have found that when people see you get openly embarrassed, they tend to think of you as a nicer person.

Getty
"Sharting in interviews is the cornerstone of my career."

A bunch of Berkeley psychology researchers set up an experiment where participants were filmed while they described a very embarrassing moment in their lives. Then, other participants watched the videos and rated how embarrassing the situation was while assessing how kind they felt the people telling the stories were. The participants who were consistently rated as nicest were the ones who were visibly affected by their embarrassing situations, writhing in front of the camera as memories of the Walrus Incident of '99 tormented their brains. What's more, it worked the other way around, too: The people who did have embarrassing stories, yet chose to maintain a careful poker face while telling them, got labeled as selfish and untrustworthy.

Getty
He was elected mayor three weeks later.

Several other experiments verified that our brains indeed have a tendency to associate visible embarrassment with kindness and trustworthiness, whereas all the shame-free Mr. Cools out there end up filed in the same "do not trust" folder with used car salesmen and Internet comedy writers. It makes sense, really: Since the kind of person who gets embarrassed easily is also likely to be extra nice to others in order to avoid getting a red face, we have just sort of started viewing embarrassment itself as an indicator of trustworthiness.

So yes, by all means embarrass yourself on your next date. Just make sure you do it before you get to the bedroom.



Find more from XJ on his blog. He'll also love you for an entire minute if you follow him on Twitter. Just a minute, though.

For more ways to make people like you, check out 7 Great Products for Telling the World You're a Rich Dick. Or learn about 7 Life Altering Decisions Made For You (Before Your Birth).

If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The One Country Whose Elections Are Crazier Than the USA's

And stop by LinkSTORM to learn how you can make people like you despite your uncontrollable gas.

And don't forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr to get sexy, sexy jokes sent straight to your news feed. Are you on Google+? So are we!

Do you have an idea in mind that would make a great article? Then sign up for our writers workshop! Do you possess expert skills in image creation and manipulation? Mediocre? Even rudimentary? Are you frightened by MS Paint and simply have a funny idea? You can create an infographic and you could be on the front page of Cracked.com tomorrow!

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

1,135 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!