#3. Woman Saved from Raging Cow by Horse
More people are killed by cows than sharks, as we are fond of mentioning. So when we say that someone had to be saved from a cow attack, don't laugh. See how you like having a half-ton of raging bovine tossing you around.
"I may be dumb, but you are very tiny."
Which brings us to Fiona Boyd, a farmer in Scotland, who was doing her farmerly duty and responding to the worried cry of a calf when the mama cow decided that she was having none of Fiona's shit and charged her. The thousand-pound heifer proceeded to ram Fiona several more times and then body-slammed her and her good intentions into the ground. Oh, and then she rolled all over her, for good measure.
Just as Fiona thought she had no hope left, her mare, Kerry, heard her cries from nearby and ran to her aid, probably neighing something cool, like "Your beef is with me" or "I am so not in the moood." Kerry began kicking the cow into submission, a beat-down that will eventually result in some insanely tender steak. Kerry ended up giving Fiona enough time to crawl to safety 20 feet away under an electric fence.
"It's milking time."
Afterward, Fiona was only treated for cuts and bruises, and not the bad case of death she could have received if her savior steed had not intervened. Because cows are nothing but grass-shitting murder machines.
#2. Rabbit Saves Man from Diabetic Coma
Rabbits usually come in one of two flavors: food or Thumper. One is used for a Thanksgiving turk-abbit dinner, and the other is used for entertainment ranging from cereal mascots to magicians' assistants. Neither type of rabbit is really considered courageous in any way at all. Or at least they wouldn't be until a guy named Simon Steggall fell into a potentially lethal diabetic coma on his couch in his home in Cambridgeshire, England.
Carly & Art
"Siiiimmoonnnnn!!! Wake up, man!!!"
Victoria, his wife, was in the vicinity when it happened, but she was under the impression that he had fallen asleep on the couch after a hard day at work. It was Dory, the couple's house rabbit, who sensed something wrong and hopped on top of Simon. She began to thump around emphatically and lick at Simon's mouth like an aggressive rabbit Prince Charming trying to return her owner back to consciousness.
Victoria soon saw Dory's odd behavior and figured out that the rabbit somehow had a more acute sense of her husband's dire medical state than she did. She called the paramedics, and Simon's life was saved. For her efforts, Dory was awarded honorary membership into the Rabbit Welfare Association. And while we would love to say that there is an organization made up entirely of heroic rabbits, membership is an honor that is typically reserved for humans. Which we guess makes it more impressive.
It's the second-highest honor a rabbit can aspire to, under Easter Bunny and just above Trix salesman.
#1. Dolphins Are the Angels of the Ocean
In 2004, four lifeguards were swimming off the coast of New Zealand when a pod of dolphins surrounded them underwater. If they had been Cracked readers who had time traveled to swim in 2004, the lifeguards would have assumed that they were about to be gang-raped by dolphins. The best they could hope for was a quick ending and enough body parts for a decent burial.
Until one of the dolphins jumped out of the water and surfaced in the direction of a 10-foot-long great white shark. As the shark caught sight of the lifeguards, he darted for them, but the dolphins started swimming in a frenzy, blocking his way. The dolphins swam around for close to 40 minutes like this, while the lifeguards got to safety.
"And those stingy Kiwis didn't even tip."
Almost the exact same thing happened a few years later. In 2007, a man named Todd Endris was surfing when a great white bite-tackled him off his board. After taking a few chunks out of Todd, the shark was then warded off by a pod of dolphins that surrounded Todd until he got to shore and was assisted by his friend.
On one hand, these stories could all be lies invented by dishonest dolphin apologists. On the other hand, there are a lot of firsthand accounts depicting dolphins acting like this. Hell, even Dick Van Dyke was apparently once saved by porpoises. Scientists aren't sure why dolphins save people, but they definitely agree that they have the intelligence to do it, whether it be from some altruistic sense for creatures in need or because they just really hate sharks.
Dolphins: The racists of the sea.
When he's not trying to be funny on Cracked, Jeffrey Crawford is writing comedy skits that the whole world will perform one day.
For more insane animal stories, check out 7 Ridiculous Cases Where Animals Were Put on Trial and The 5 Creepiest Serial Killers (Who Were Animals).