5 Crazy Ways the Colors Red and Blue Control Your Life

Imagine that somewhere there is a huge button that will activate a doomsday device that will destroy the planet. Picture the button in your mind. What color is it?

Approximately 100 percent of you imagined a red button, for a lot of the same reasons Darth Vader's light saber had to be red. But society isn't color coded this way just for the hell of it. Your brain and body react to two colors -- red and blue -- in distinct and downright weird ways that science doesn't completely understand. In different situations, red or blue can ...

#5. Give You an Unfair Advantage

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We previously mentioned how hockey players who switched to black jerseys suddenly took a turn for the aggressive, because on a subconscious level black signifies sin and death and the worst jellybean. Not only does black spur aggression from the players, but it cues the referees to hand out more penalties because, hey, they must be the bad guys if they're wearing black. But if you want to get on the ref's good side, apparently red is your color.

During the 2004 Olympics, judges were found to award more points to people in red, especially in hand-to-hand sports like boxing, taekwondo, Greco-Roman wrestling and the synchronized bitch slap. A separate study had taekwondo refs watch matches between blue and red competitors, then watch the exact same matches with the colors digitally reversed. Athletes were 13 percent more likely to get points when they wore red.

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"Sir, they clearly came in last. It doesn't operate on a 'should have' system."

And if you think that red is only a "power" color because we've been raised to associate it with warning signs and fire trucks, then why do monkeys also react to it? In one experiment, researchers wore red, blue or green before presenting rhesus macaques with dinner. The monkeys didn't have a problem with blue or green, but they treated the red shirts like they were the monkey Grim Reaper presenting death on a plate. Yes, even our poop-flinging cousins think red equals danger. And danger equals power.

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"Oh, don't give me that crap. It was a gift from my kids."

This manifests itself in humans in so many ways that you can probably find an example in the room you're in. Like lipstick. A study in France showed that women who wear bright red lipstick get a tip boost from men, which is a big deal because France already includes a 12 percent gratuity charge on receipts (lady patrons weren't nearly as impressed by their red-lipped waitresses). So what if red lipstick makes you look like Pennywise and you prefer peach or nude? Wear a red shirt instead. Another study found that men give 14.6 percent to 26.1 percent more to waitresses wearing red shirts.

The researchers noted that the rise in tips by male customers could be due to red being "associated with an indication of estrogen levels, sexual arousal and health" (hint: all of this comes back to the fact that red is the color of blood), so when a lady wears red, it tricks a man into thinking that she's ready to mate. At which point he will happily give her whatever she wants.

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"Can I get your dongs any more boner sex? Sir, why are you looking at me like that?"

It will also lower his IQ, because color can also ...

#4. Manipulate Your Intelligence

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Yep, it's been found that seeing red shortly before an IQ test will drastically lower your scores. Students solved significantly fewer problems when red was around because it makes you more cautious. It also causes you to avoid challenging or difficult situations, such as all things Elmo-related. A state of high alert isn't always the best for productive thinking.

So what color returns you to a cool, thoughtful state? The same color that you imagined as soon as we said "cool": blue. Researchers gave over 600 participants six different cognitive tests on computer monitors that had blue, white or red backgrounds. If the task was creative, like brainstorming or drawing a picture out of a bloodstain, participants did twice as well with blue backgrounds as they did when they had red monitor backgrounds.

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"For the next experiment, we'll cover half of you in blue spray paint and administer the SATs."

It's not that red makes you stupid, though. In that monitor study, participants actually did 31 percent better at proofreading or solving anagrams when their text was on a red background. Red light is better for anything that requires attention to detail because, well, it gets your attention.

What causes blue to broaden our horizons and red to narrow our thinking? The exact reasons are unknown, but scientists believe it's psychological. Maybe it seems obvious, but blue is associated with the sky and the ocean, two big, open spaces. Basically imagine a kid lying on the ground and staring up at the sky, using his childlike imagination to see the clouds as boners.

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"Come, let me embrace his penile fluffiness with vigor!"

But it doesn't just work on your brain. Red can actually ...

#3. Make You Physically Stronger

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Not to beat a red horse, but red will actually make you faster and stronger as well. In one experiment, students were asked to squeeze a metal grip while reading the word "squeeze" from a red, gray or blue background. When the word was on a red background, kids squeezed harder and faster, and had to secretly wonder if they hadn't been tricked into jerking off a robot.

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"Andy, why do you keep repeating your parents' names?"

And while blue typically does the opposite of red, it also has several unique beneficial physical effects of its own. Blue light helps wake you up ... even if you're blind. You do not have to actually "see" blue for it to alter your body chemistry. There are light receptors in the eye that have nothing to do with vision. When they detect light, especially blue, the receptors repress melatonin, which regulates your sleep cycle. This also has other benefits. People exposed to bright lights that utilized more of the blue spectrum consistently scored higher on memory tests -- guys who sat before an LED screen radiating an azure glow showed nearly a 70 percent improvement in some cases. In fact, blue light is so effective in this regard that researchers liken its effects to a drug.

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And if you take blue drugs in a blue light, prepare to have your fucking mind blown, baby.

Unfortunately, all our new electronic devices use more of the blue wavelength because it's easier on the eyes and more efficient to produce (this is why half of the gadgets in your house have little blue LED lights that stay on whether you're using the thing or not). Which is why some scientists are worried that our iPads, laptops and smartphones may be contributing to sleep problems.

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"Does anyone know what the bluest level is on Angry Birds? I have a surgery at 1 a.m., and I need to wake the hell up."

Speaking of how your body reacts to light, the right wavelengths can actually ...

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