#2. Two Submarine-Detecting Subs Crash into Each Other
The entire point of a submarine is that you don't know it's there. They were invented to sneak up under ships and blow their asses to hell from the dark, silent depths of the ocean. So over the last several decades, the technology for detecting submarines has advanced just as quickly as the subs themselves -- especially considering that those submarines carry nukes now.
"Take that, you stupid-ass whales!"
In February 2009, two subs equipped with the latest in sub-detection technology -- the British submarine HMS Vanguard, and its French counterpart, Le Triomphant -- were both submerged in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. So there they were, happily ambling around the Atlantic, their computers specifically designed to go "bing" every time another submarine was nearby, when they ran right the fuck into each other. Both the Vanguard and the Triomphant took some serious damage, but luckily, their awesome names survived intact.
The thing is, all technology aside, an ocean is a big place. So big, in fact, that a regular ship crashing into another takes some serious bad luck. Add in the third dimension that comes with the fact that said vessels are submarines, and this collision seems like the kind of thing that would be hard to do even on purpose.
Especially after the 1966 McCartney Law made crash-preventing yellow paint mandatory.
By the way, while nobody was injured in the crash, the crash becomes less hilarious when you realize that both subs had nuclear reactors and were carrying nuclear weapons, making the whole shebang just a hair's width away from a complete disaster on a potentially planet-wrecking scale. In fact, just a slightly stronger collision could have scattered nuclear warheads along the seabed like a trail of world-ending breadcrumbs.
So how the hell does this happen? The leading theory is that both ships featured anti-detection technology that was strong enough to override their supposedly hardcore detection equipment. And modern technology still has not advanced to the point that we can install windows in the damned things.
And if we keep it on the surface so we can step out and look around, it loses its "sub" title, becoming just a plain ol' marine.
#1. A Monument Celebrating American Manufacturing Is Made in China
The city of Toledo, Ohio, boasts a long-standing legacy of brilliant glassmaking (as if we needed to tell you that). Toledo glassmakers have always been masters of their field -- they even started the studio glass movement of the 1960s, which gave the world a brand new art movement to yawn at. Although its glass industry has diminished in recent years, Toledo still cherishes its nickname of "Glass City." So it was just a matter of time before they built a monument for their unsurpassed historical glassitude.
Toledo, Ohio: Because fuck birds.
In 2006, the Toledo Museum of Art commissioned the building of a wondrous glass pavilion. The $30 million structure was a tribute to Toledo glassmakers, singing praise to their efforts and skill. It's just too bad the museum's celebration of local glassmakers didn't extend to actually employing any: Every single piece of glass used for the pavilion was made in China.
Despite the fact that the structure was specifically designed to commemorate American glassmaking, they gave the job to a competing country that happily complied -- using techniques that were pioneered by Toledo glassmakers.
Gaze in wide-eyed wonder as the Chinese remind us of what we were once capable of.
To be fair, Toledo's status as a glassmaking juggernaut has been on the wane. The design of the insanely complicated pavilion was just too much for the local talent, which is why they gave the job to the Chinese. From a business standpoint, it makes sense. It doesn't change the fact that they designed a monument of American craftsmanship so awesome that American craftsman couldn't actually build it.
For more gaffs companies hope you don't notice, check out 5 Corporate Promotions That Ended in (Predictable) Disaster and The 7 Most Idiotic Corporate Temper Tantrums.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The 4 Least Anticipated Albums of September 2012.
And stop by LinkSTORM to see what happens when you point out irony in front of the Chief.
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