#6. Donkey Power
He was a tight-laced, by-the-book sergeant. She was a hang-loose party animal -- literally! They didn't want to go to war in the first place, but now they're just too stubborn to come home. Coming this summer, it's Sergeant Jackass!
"What the? Sasha, why am I carrying you!? Shenanigans!"
The donkey corps was an actual military unit, deployed for the 1943 invasion of Sicily. The poor roads and rugged conditions rendered most conventional vehicles unusable, then the colonel in charge of the vehicle pool stepped in a mule-pie one day, and the rest was history ...
Via National Museum of Health and Medicine
"Alright, Jim? Don't. Blink."
Either that's an X-ray of the exact second Bob Grenade first thought up the idea for the grenade, or this poor son of a bitch has a grenade in his face. It's the latter, of course, because Vietnam was a terrible goddamn thing. This hapless soldier found himself in this predicament after he stepped on a landmine, which, by itself, is pretty darn unlucky. When the grenade he was carrying on his chest was blown inside of his own head by the other, unrelated explosion going off right beneath his feet, he officially entered wrathful god/gypsy curse territory. But even a furious and scorned deity knows when enough is enough, and the soldier finally caught a break: You can actually still see the pin and spoon in there, meaning the grenade was not armed ... when it went inside of his skull.
Yep, real lucky.
#4. The Largest Camera
Oh my God. Somebody get us a micro-schnauzer NOW.
Aw, it's just a giant camera? Well, crap.
Fine. We guess that's kind of neat. We guess.
What you're looking at here is a normal size dog and a giant-ass K-19B camera. Like all cameras back in the day, the K-19B was unwieldy as hell and massively complicated. Unlike cameras of the day, the K-19B could take photos at night from a distance of several miles, and was hardly ever mounted to a man wearing black socks and sandals (it was usually found on spy planes). The thing we love most about the K-19B is that the inventors built it to look like a giant normal camera for no particular reason -- as though you worked it by using both hands to press down on that gargantuan button and wind that comically large switch. Those wacky camera technicians, you know? They have fun.
#3. Disposable Hueys
Holy shit! Either somebody forgot to buckle their seat belt on Barrel Roll Day, or some pilot is ghost-riding his Huey like a beat-up Huffy. But despite what it looks like, this was neither a superfluous act of destruction nor an accident. Just like these guys weren't shoving their helicopter off into the water because it was constantly spouting terrible, vaguely racist knock-knock jokes:
"Who's there?" "Ding." "Ding who?" "Ding Dong, me Chinese! Aw, come on, guys, not the ocean again ..."
These are photos from Operation Frequent Wind, also known as Operation What Do You Mean the Vietnamese Don't Like Us Very Much? When it became apparent that the U.S. was not going to win the Vietnam War, everybody needed to get the hell out of there fast. The South Vietnamese UH-1 Hueys responsible for the evacuation flew out to friendly ships and immediately disgorged their passengers. As soon as that was done, they had to be pushed right off the deck to make room for more.
So what about this guy?
He's getting back at his mom for not letting him try the high dive.
Same deal: That's a pilot flying his chopper out to sea before bailing out. He's just not doing the whole "push it gently off the boat" thing, because he knows that when you get a chance to trash a helicopter with no repercussions, you do that shit with style.
#2. The Missile Rapture
There's no good way to say this, so we'll be blunt: Apparently the Rapture happened. Obviously, you're reading this site, so you are not one of the Chosen. First, the bad news: Eternal war, and the devil rules the world. Good news: No more churchgoers crowding up Sunday brunch! Waffles and damnation for all!
In actuality, those streaks are coming, not going. These are photos of a test of the MIRV Peacekeeper missile being conducted just off the Kwajalein Atoll in the Pacific. MIRV stands for "multiple independently targetable re-entry vehicle," which basically just means we've found a way to use the space program to kill people.
There's always one troublemaker ...
And as you probably guessed, it's not generally a good time for the people on the ground when the Finger of God lands on them.
"And lo, he did tell them, 'Suck it, bitches. Ye shall lick my asshole.'"
If these had been real warheads instead of empty fakes, each would've held a 300-kiloton nuclear weapon. To put that in perspective: The Little Boy bomb that devastated Hiroshima was 16 kilotons. Here's what the ultimate power of devastation looks like, as it is being assembled by two middle-aged men in button-down shirts:
Via Wikimedia Commons
"Hey Doug, you ever feel like Shiva, the Destroyer of Worlds?"
#1. The Trouble With the Troubles
Northern Ireland was a very tense place for a very long time. And at the epicenter of the tension was a city called Derry, where "The Troubles" all began.
By 1969, everybody was an unclaimed fart away from a citywide fistfight. And then a group of Protestants had a parade that had the gall to come close to a bunch of Catholics -- so you know that shit was on. The ensuing riots, skirmishes and conflicts were so prolonged and so commonplace that the townspeople simply learned to go about their business as the boys played war in their front yards. That led to photos like the above, where Seamus Hardass' new Facebook pic is being photobombed by a girl on roller skates. Or the below ...
"Pardon me, lad. Don't mean to get in the way of your aim. Carry on, then."
... where an elderly gentleman is casually ducking under the line of fire on his way to the pub. We always thought it was a joke -- a cliche stereotype with no basis in reality -- but seriously: Nobody gets between an Irishman and his drink. Not even death himself.
For more insane photos that HAVE to be fake (but aren't), check out 16 Real Old-Timey Photographs That Will Give you Nightmares and 15 Images You Won't Believe Aren't Photoshopped.
If you're pressed for time and just looking for a quick fix, then check out The Logical Next Step in Auto Modification Technology.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover what folks in the 1920s used to do when the cable went out.
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