3Blue Cat Blues (1956) -- Tom and Jerry Get Depressed, Kill Themselves
Over the past 70 years, Tom from Tom and Jerry has survived so many face explosions, dog bites and mousetrap-related accidents that he's got to be used to the pain by now. That's why a cartoon from 1956 decided to take things to the next level by killing not his body, but his soul.
The cartoon starts with Tom sitting in the middle of a train track with the clear intention of letting the train run over him as Jerry's suave narration states that "in a few minutes it'll all be over" and that "it's better this way."
Pictured: Adele's cat.
We then flash back to reveal the reason of Tom's suicidal despair: a dame.
Tom instantly falls in love with her and they have some tender moments together (as far as we can tell, because her expression never changes), but the floozy ends up leaving him the moment she spots another cat with more money. Tom tries to win her back by using his life savings to buy her jewelry:
And giving himself up for slavery to buy a new car:
When people sign slavery contracts, it's usually less about new cars and more about really weird orgasms.
But nothing works. Devastated, he turns to drink:
Finally, we come back to the railroad tracks, with Tom waiting to die as Jerry reflects on how lucky he is to have a loving girlfriend -- however, Jerry's world quickly shatters as well when he happens to see his girl cheating on him with the guy she just married, and he joins Tom on the tracks, both of them waiting for death.
So ... this is where they hug and realize that they're not really alone as long as they have each other, right? Or, at the very least, when they remember that they're a cat and a mouse and start carrying out a whimsical chase sequence, united in their hate? Right?
And remember, kids: There's not enough food for everyone.
Nope. They just sit there as we hear a whistle indicating that the train approaches, and then ... it's over. Holy shit, was this the last episode of the series or something? Now we know where The Sopranos got the idea for the finale, except that at least they made it somewhat ambiguous and not totally soul-crushing.
2Balloon Land (1935) -- Condom People vs. The Masturbating Monster
Right from the title screen, this 1935 cartoon by Ub Iwerks (aka the guy who co-created Mickey Mouse) lets you know there's going to be a somewhat disturbing recurrent motif in the story. Let's see if you can spot it.
Hint: It's dicks.
Balloon Land supposedly takes place in a world populated by living balloons, and judging by the above image, they're of the penis-wrapping kind. The story begins with the balloon people squeezing rubber out of a living tree and placing that rubber on a machine that shapes it into a little balloon boy and a little balloon girl.
These balloon kids haven't been alive for five seconds when a man warns them, through a song, that if they go into the forest, they'll run into a creature that will "rip your skin." The children, being children (and idiots), decide to do exactly that anyway, and that's when they run across the Pincushion Man, who looks like ... wait, what ... what's he doing now?
Oh sweet Jesus. Apparently the Pincushion Man was supposed to look like a giant safety pin (or at least that's what Mr. Iwerks told the police), but the animators didn't quite know what to do with the huge metal rod protruding from his hip, and so they decided it would be appropriate if he yanked it in front of little children.
"Don't worry, there's no way anyone will ever take this out of context."
Besides being a pervert, the Pincushion Man is also a certified psychopath who goes around Balloon Land murdering people by poking them with his big sharp stick -- like this completely innocent racial stereotype, whose only crime was letting the children hide in his house:
Pincushion Man goes on a murderous rampage all over the city -- the citizens send an entire Balloon Men Army to stop him, but they turn out to be exactly as useful as their name implies. Eventually, the citizens figure out that they can harm the Pincushion Man by hauling raw rubber at him, pushing him out of Balloon Land until he literally plummets to his death.