In a world where blankets with sleeves can create millionaires, it's no wonder inventors and businessmen are locked in a race to develop the next big thing in the lucrative "They really pay money for this?" industry. We don't hold that against them -- the entire world economy runs on that crap.
What's harder to comprehend, though, is how they poker-facedly try to sell us gadgets that actually manage to complicate the task they're intended to help with. Like ...
9The Wine Glass Holder Necklace
Apparently, there is a type of person whose weak arm strength constantly stands in the way of their social alcoholism. Manufacturers have rushed in to cater to the needs of this small, sad segment with a variety of holders that suspend your drink from your neck.
Or it might be tiny underwear for your glass. We're not sure.
Apart from the obvious fact that using this product makes you look like a particularly boozy latchkey kid, there are just so many things that can go wrong here. You're placing a glass of notoriously staining substance in the immediate vicinity of your best wine-sippin' shirt, swinging in a pendulous, spill-seeking motion at the slightest movement of your body. Literally anyone at the party -- and we generously assume you're at a party instead of using this thing at home alone -- can trip and fall on you, shattering the glass and perforating your sternum with a hundred shards of chardonnay-flavored pain. Though the one thing you don't have to worry about is anyone trying to hug you. Ever again.
Ever wanted to know what it's like to be pitied by career alcoholics? Now you can!
Even if you manage to dodge all the other pitfalls provided by the product, there's this: How the hell do you drink from this thing? Do you wrestle the glass from the contraption every time you want a sip? Do you use a long bendy straw? Or bring the thing to your lips with strings attached, making you look like the world's only drinker with training wheels?
8The Snowball Maker
Everyone loves a good snowball fight. It's just that the actual making of snowballs can be a bit of a bastard. You know: Taking the snow in your hands, squeezing it just so until it reaches the perfect shape and hardness for some kickass winter warfare ... no, sorry, that's actually the best part.
Regardless, there are people who view it as a terrible nuisance, or maybe find themselves constantly frustrated with the poor quality of their snowballs. These people are the masterminds behind the Sno-Baller snowball maker, an unholy, plier-like contraption that seems way more likely to take a person's eye out than the snowballs it produces.
The balls are pleasantly round, though.
Even the manufacturer seems to realize that this is something no kid in history has ever needed. Therefore, Sno-Baller's selling point is not that the balls are easier to make with it, but that the balls it makes are soft and "disintegrate on contact."
So, not only will your kid be the joke of the neighborhood, but he won't even be able to shut his mockers up with a neat, properly squeezed hardball.