We're all for labor-saving devices. As far as we're concerned, the highest goal of science is to help us shirk our daily responsibilities. But there comes a point where making your life easier just isn't worth the humiliation.
All of these products have rocketed past that point, screaming and entirely without pants, using their clown shoes like rudders to steer the embarrassment missile that they have become.
There is a fine line with sagging trousers. They must hang low enough to upset your parents and impress the other 14-year-olds, but not so low that they'll fall down and reveal the thing you're attempting to compensate for. Regular belts just don't do the trick; what you need is a way to keep your saggy pants up where you say they belong, not where The Man with his fascist "belts" and "waists" wants them.
This is the Almost Balls model.
Subs buckle around the waist (but, you know, in a cool way; not in some lame "belt" way), and are clipped to the top of the pants to hold them in place. The website calls them "suspenders," but that's not quite right, is it? We already have a name for a piece of fabric that straps about the waist with little dangly clips to hold up the leg coverings below.
We call that a garter belt, G-Munnee.