Cracked Round-Up: In The Crotch of Summer Edition

Well folks there's no more denying it: summer is here. Oh, we know there's some sort of kooky scientific definition for exactly when summer starts. But we have a much more accurate barometer here at Cracked. Starting in March, we lock a different hobo on the roof of our building every day and deprive him of water in exchange for ten dollars. When the hobos can't make it a full eight hours without croaking from heat stroke, we know that summer has finally arrived. So put on your bathing suits and break out the hobo body bags. It's time to party in the sun!

Jews don't always make it into the popular sci-fi series of the day, but when they do Gladstone is here to write about them. And if you're the kind of person who likes to 'apologize' without actually saying you're sorry, Christina has some very pointed words for you. Gladstone came back around again to call out commonly offered favors that no one wants and Ian Fortey returned to talk about the least sexy moments in life. John Cheese played Diablo 3 and lamented the future of gaming while Dan O'Brien closed the house with the worst attempts at coining a catch phrase in rap history.

SECRET HOMAGE

6 Iconic Scenes Ripped Off from Lesser-Known Movies Half of art is theft. The other half of art is theft while wearing a fake mustache.

Notable Comment: "Least surprising bit of information: the American film can't let the baby die, but the Russian film can."

People were much more cavalier about baby death back in the days when polio was a major concern, mngamojemo.

BAD HEALTH

5 Terrifying Secrets About Riding in an Ambulance So yeah, maybe you're better off just splinting your own injury and hoping the vodka takes care of your pain.

Notable Comment: "One time my sister and I were driving home and we saw a really fast ambulance heading over the rough train tracks in front of us and my sister joked that they shouldn't go that fast because the patient might get really bounced around and right then it bounced over the track but THE BACK DOORS FLEW WIDE OPEN and the people inside were holding the stretcher from rolling out"

MaggieXawesome makes working in an ambulance sound way more fun than it really is.

DANGEROUS SCIENCE

6 Scientific Advances Courtesy of Reckless Self Endangerment Reckless self-endangerment is the backbone of all science. The first caveman to discover alcohol was also the first guy willing to slurp down a pile of rotting fruit.

Notable Comment: "So if I understand you, I'm not a suicidal glue-huffing alcoholic, but just very smart and inquisitive. I knew Mom was full of $hit."

Hedcraft, Cracked neither encourages or condones glue sniffing. Besides, jenkem is where it's really at.

DOGGED LOYALTY

6 Insane Pet Journeys That Put Disney Movies to Shame This is the latest article in our 'The News is Goddamn Depressing, Here's Something Heartwarming' series.

Notable Comment: "Bah, there's no such thing as a state hero that's not a beer!"

GabePuratekura is a true Oregonian.

NOT WORTH IT

7 People Who Risked it All to Achieve Very Stupid Goals Perspective is important. It helps you avoid...this.

Notable Comment: "I believe that the percentage of douchebags is constant across all populations."

Darth_Fat_Guy understands the nature of the human race.

AFTER HOURS

Why the Star Trek Universe is Secretly Horrifying It's not all ray guns and holodecks and teleportation devices up in here.

YOU YOU YOU!

What Video Game Background Characters are Thinking We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Instructional Signs They Have in Video Game Universes, Disastrous Film Adaptations of Non-Fiction Books, What People in Famous Photos are Thinking/Saying and Today's Technology, as Depicted Decades Ago.