The 17 Most Important Things Said About the 2012 NFL Draft

#8. Cody Becomes a Bengals Fan, Soren Drinks Mouthwash

6:22 Sorenb: OK, Cody. I'm going to give you a team.

6:22 Sorenb: You are now a Bengals fan. So, good luck with that.

6:23 Comment From Ryan When are you going to declare for the draft, Soren?

6:23 CodyJohnston: You spelled "Bangles" wrong, and I wouldn't call myself a "fan", necessarily.

6:24 Sorenb: I think it will be Quinton Coples going to St. Louis.

6:24 CodyJohnston: I mean, they're okay.

6:24 CodyJohnston: Walk Like an Egyptian is overplayed, and that's like the only song of theirs I can think of.

6:25 Sorenb: I've declared myself open for the draft for the past six years.

6:25 CodyJohnston: But, sure, I'm a "Bengals" fan.

6:25 Sorenb: So far, no bites.

6:25 CodyJohnston: Wait, I just looked it up.

6:25 CodyJohnston: I'll pass on the Bengals, but can I be a Reds fan?

6:25 Comment From Daniel Soren, if Zooey Deschanel were eligible for this year's draft, where would she be likely to go

6:25 CodyJohnston: I think Barry Larkin could go all the way this year.

6:25 Sorenb: She'd go to San Diego, I'd hope. I'd love to see her ruin their season.

6:26 Sorenb: Cody! That's a Red. That's an old Red.

6:26 Sorenb: You can't pick retired baseball players.

6:27 CodyJohnston: I don't know, man. Chris Sabo's had some good length and drives this year.

6:27 CodyJohnston: He could go all the way.

6:27 Comment From Daniel Soren, in which round will you most likely lose interest in this whole thing and just start shooting mouthwash?

6:27 Sorenb: Seriously, how did you know I do that?

#7. Cody Imagines A Sweatier Star Wars, Soren Talks Tebow

6:31 Comment From Alexsander Cody, what could they add to Star Wars to make you not watch it?

6:31 CodyJohnston: Prequels.

6:31 Comment From Alex So...what do you guys think about Bruce Irvin's "Explosive GetOff?"

6:32 CodyJohnston: Or, like, a bunch of really forced corporate tieins.

6:32 Sorenb: I honestly didn't even have Bruce Irvin in the first round.

6:32 Sorenb: I know next to nothing about him.

6:32 CodyJohnston: Like if instead of "Old Ben" Kenobi, they called him "Old Spice" Kenobi.6:33 Sorenb: "Make perspiration...disappear."

6:34 CodyJohnston: Or if Han was like "I made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs, and then I used Old Spice because I was just so sweaty, seriously YUCKERS."

6:34 CodyJohnston: Actually, if Han said stuff like "yuckers", I'd probably watch Star Wars more.

6:35 Comment From Chim Soren, do you think the jets will trade this pick for Tim Tebow again?

6:35 Sorenb: Well done.

6:35 Comment From Joe Soren who do you think makes the superbowl this year?

6:35 Sorenb: The Broncos. The Denver Broncos.

#6. Soren Likes Dontari Poe, Cody Likes Gaius Baltar

6:38 Comment From Adam Tod Brown Soren. You're out of your mind. The Broncos aren't making the Super Bowl. Your QB doesn't even have feeling in the left side of his body.

6:39 Sorenb: Hey, it's another columnist everyone. Except he seems to have mistaken a minor injury for a stroke.

6:39 Comment From Chim Cody, its the intergalactic draft and you have the first pick, who do you take?

6:39 CodyJohnston: Gaius Baltar

6:39 Sorenb: Man, Big and Tall must have made a killing on suits before this draft.

6:39 CodyJohnston: He's got great instincts and can survive anything.

6:39 CodyJohnston: And he knows about farming.

6:40 CodyJohnston: Which I assume would help because there's grass in football.

6:40 Comment From Chim Soren, do you believe in drafting the best player, or what the team needs?

6:40 Sorenb: They are usually the same thing. But if you can't draft who you need then I always think you try to trade back.

6:41 Sorenb: You can't do anything with 6 great receivers.

6:41 Comment From Bobbo Adam is right. The Broncos won't win the division.

6:41 CodyJohnston: Oh, and Manic Monday.

6:42 CodyJohnston: Another good Cincinnati Bangles song.

6:42 Sorenb: Yes they will. Unless Dontari Poe is allowed to play by himself in Arrowhead stadium.

6:43 Comment From Kylie Soren, could you speculate wildly about a subject of your choosing? (Cody could do this too, I suppose)

6:43 Sorenb: Why does Garfield hate Mondays? He doesn't even have a job!

6:44 Sorenb: Also, he can't mail Nermal on Sundays, if anything he should like Mondays because the post office is open again.

#5. Soren is a Football Magician, High-Fiving Ensues

6:46 Comment From Guest What's it like, knowing things about football?

6:47 CodyJohnston: I'll field this one, Soren.

6:47 Sorenb: Sure.

6:47 CodyJohnston: I don't know.

6:47 CodyJohnston: Nailed it.

6:48 Sorenb: It feels about the same as knowing a lot about magic.

6:48 Sorenb: Not the game, magicianhood.

6:48 Sorenb: It has zero realworld application.

6:48 CodyJohnston: Speaking of magic and the word "game", let's please talk about Game of Thrones now, please.

6:49 Comment From Simon Duke Which of you is the better QB?

6:50 Sorenb: Cody takes his time and he's good at scrambling. But then again, he doesn't know how football works. So probably me.

6:50 CodyJohnston: I feel like I am, but then again I don't know what those letters stand for.

6:50 Comment From Kristi

I asked Cody if he knows the song 'Eternal Flame' a long time ago. Why wasn't my question answered? (That was a question for Soren.)

6:50 Comment From sam Are you guys giving eachother high fives every time you're able to put a pun to an answer?

6:51 Sorenb: We're not answering that, we just wanted everyone else to see it so it was in their heads.

#4. Soren Talks Suh, Cody Renounces Fandom

7:14 Comment From Erik Bill Bellichick is a minor Demon of Chaos.

7:14 Sorenb: Yes, this deserves to be seen.

7:15 Comment From Erik And Detroit has apparently selected a small cadre of Servicemen. Presumably to handle Suh when he gets all "Suhy."

7:16 Sorenb: They won't stand for it when he steps on folks.

7:16 Comment From Erin If Soren and Cody fought to the death, who would win?

7:16 CodyJohnston: I'll field this one, Soren.

7:16 Comment From Josh Are either of you actual soccer fans?

7:16 CodyJohnston: Soren.

7:17 Sorenb: Does this answer your question? Goal. Halfback. Striker.

7:17 Sorenb: Oh, sorry Cody. You had a thing going.

7:17 CodyJohnston: No, it's cool.

7:17 CodyJohnston: I'm a fan of soccer, too.

7:17 CodyJohnston: Tie.

7:17 CodyJohnston: See?

7:19 Sorenb: Nice work.

7:19 CodyJohnston: There are a lot of "Okay, but are you a fan of _____?" questions coming in.

7:19 CodyJohnston: "No."

#3. Cody Gives Refreshing Advice, Soren Can't Type Dont'a Hightower's Name

7:22 Comment From Jack I have a severe odor problem. What do you suggest?

7:22 CodyJohnston: A cool, refreshing Bud Light.

7:23 CodyJohnston: Eventually, you won't care what you smell like.

7:23 Sorenb: Oh Broncos. What have you done?

7:23 CodyJohnston: Independent of that question, though, let's all take a break from the draft and go buy some Old Spice.

7:24 Sorenb: My computer won't even let me type Dont'a without autocorrecting it to Don't a.

7:24 Sorenb: That poor kid.

7:24 Sorenb: That must have been hard for him writing papers in school.

7:25 Sorenb: No, I'm kidding. it must have been hard for whoever wrote his papers though.

7:26 Comment From D What is up with all the Old Spice plugs?

7:26 CodyJohnston: I don't know what you're talking about.

7:27 Comment From Kevin Sorenb, what do you recommend for a recovering Browns fan?

7:27 Sorenb: Detroit is pretty close right?

7:27 Comment From Whitfield I have a question that only Soren could answer. I don't watch football, so what the hell is an RG3 and why is it so lucky? Is it the new Droid model?

7:28 Sorenb: Yes. That's exactly right. (Hint: We have the same Internet)

#2. Soren Thinks Kim Jong Un Could Guard, Cody Thinks Nick Perry Could Govern

7:35 Comment From Whitfield Okay dumb question, my bad. Who do you think Mr. Irrelevant will be?

7:35 Comment From Daniel Soren, who do you think the Broncos will draft at 31? Emily Descanel?

7:35 CodyJohnston: Dumber question: What are eyes for?

7:35 Sorenb: Jerel Worthy.

7:36 Comment From Jimae Cody, who do you think has the coolest mascot in the NFL?

7:36 CodyJohnston: I'm still going to go with the Parakeets.

7:37 CodyJohnston: Or, I don't know, one of the other birds.

7:37 CodyJohnston: Ravens or Hufflepuffs or whatever.

7:37 Sorenb: Oh. Oh no.

7:38 Sorenb: Cody's ignorance of football extends all the way into the animal kingdom.

7:38 Sorenb: It's that deep.

7:38 Comment From Not Me What do you think north koreas odds are of winning the superbowl this year?

7:38 CodyJohnston: I haven't been keeping up with my phyla.

7:39 Sorenb: I think Kim Jong Un could be an amazing guard.

7:39 Comment From Codysmom you coming home for dinner?

7:39 CodyJohnston: Mom, I'm working.

7:39 CodyJohnston: Geez.

7:40 Sorenb: Nick Perry. I genuinely think he's underrated. He's going to be really good.

7:41 CodyJohnston: Nick Perry quit the presidential election to get drafted to the Packers?

7:41 CodyJohnston: I never understood that guy.

7:41 Comment From Sorinbisawesome Hey Sorin, you single?

7:42 CodyJohnston: Guardians of Ga'Hoole aren't allowed to date.

7:42 Sorenb: This is a poor effort.

7:42 Comment From Steve Cody, which draft pick has been your favorite so far?

7:42 CodyJohnston: I really like the guy who went to the team because his points were high from earlier in the games.

7:43 Sorenb: I've always said, there is no "I" in Soren. If you really think about it, we're all in this together.

#1. Cody Talks About A Different Kind of Draft, Soren Hates Rex Ryan

8:03 Comment From Hartman Cody, how would you celebrate being drafted?

8:04 CodyJohnston: Drafted to the military, I would celebrate with a prolonged trip to Canada. Drafted to the football league of sports, I would celebrate by buying a bunch of Old Spice deodorant, and then I'd probably buy some more Old Spice.

8:05 Comment From Chim Soren, please tell me you don't think Rex Ryan is actually good at his job?

8:05 Sorenb: I don't, but I don't think they'll ever get rid of him either.

8:05 Comment From savagegreywolf Soren, how would you celebrate being stuck in an office with Cody smelling severely of Old Spice?

8:06 Sorenb: By sharing it. I would live chat so you all could experience it too.

8:06 Sorenb: OK, that's it. Thanks everyone for joining us. This was a real treat.

8:07 CodyJohnston: Ok, that's it. Thanks everyone for joining us. No additional comment.

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