Cracked Round-Up: Prank Week Edition
'April Fools Day' is for posers. Real prank masters- people who truly understand the social purpose of pranking, know that having a set day for pranks does nothing but water down their impact. We do it differently here at Cracked. Starting April 1st, we roll a 30-sided die every morning until the number rolled coincides with the date. Once prank 'day' starts, it doesn't end until all but one staff member is either dead, hospitalized, or has surrendered. Swaim usually wins, but this month was our first tie in company history. Kudos to Mitch from accounting for dispersing that nerve gas through the building AC units.
It's been a busy week for our columnists. Adam Brown started off by pandering to the jet set with his critique of flight safety presentations. Christina followed up by tapping into the fears of people who are bad with kids. Seanbaby looked at instructional videos that can't possibly help anyone while Bucholz broke into P. Diddy's home. Robert Brockway dissected the revenge fantasies every man has and John Cheese advised our readers on how to ruin their relationships. Adam Brown wound us down with depressing songs that seem upbeat as Dan O'Brien closed us off with fun places that awkward people can't handle.
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LIAR-ARMS
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 The only logical reason for Hollywood to train you to lose in a gunfight is some sort of wildly convoluted scheme to conquer the world.
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Notable Comment: "Take it from me everbody, everything said in this article is true."
Thank you, CrazedGunman. That means a lot.
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BAD PROGRAMMING
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 Remember how awful Windows ME was? Yeah. Sometimes that happens to missile launchers and aircraft.
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Notable Comment: "This is what happens when stupid people get put in charge of important things. RIP everyone who was killed by someone else's stupid stupid stupidity."
Unfortunately FlyingOctopus, that probably accounts for about 80% of the people who have died throughout human history.
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CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
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 Modern kid's cartoons are so clean and sanitized, it's to forget that some countries don't give a crap about traumatizing their youngsters.
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Notable Comment: "Didn't you guys do an article a while back about how we coddle our children into their teens, then shove them all unprepared into the cold, cruel world?"
That's a good point, JCollier. But we can't help thinking there has to be a middle ground between 'coddling' and 'PTSD'.
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WAR OF WORDS
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 It turns out, war IS good for something.
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Notable Comment: "I'm currently in a very boring (and quiet) class and just laughed so hard at the "P.S. Balls" caption. Could you guys make another article like this? Anything involving history or war is so fascinating."
CaitlinQua, we'd love to do another article on history or war. But unfortunately our next month worth of articles are all based around surprising facts about dromedary genitals.
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BULL-STORY
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 Yes, we have a grudge against history books. One of them bad-touched us in the locker room back in high school.
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Notable Comment: "The Roman stuff in South America is easy to explain: the Romans probably sailed to the West to explore, found the New World, and were promptly killed by the Chupacabra."
That makes perfect sense to us, Gash.
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After Hours
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 Destroy your smartphone now. It's the only way.
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YOU YOU YOU!
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 We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Pics from the Phones of Fictional Characters, The Offspring of Mismatched Cartoon Character Couples, How Game Characters Would Fix Real World Problems and What Inanimate Objects are Thinking.
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