#3. Baby's Falls Are Broken by the Same Man, a Year Apart
As you may know, babies are not generally famed for their survival skills. They may boast the same level of intellect as some seasoned boxers, but they usually have the disadvantage of being much smaller, softer and easier to break. So when 2-year-old David Thomas fell from a fourth-story window in Detroit in 1937, his odds of survival did not look particularly good.
They'd forgotten the bungee cord, see.
However, in a miraculous stroke of fortune (for the baby anyway), the fall was broken by the head and shoulders of street cleaner Joseph Figlock, who was busy cleaning the alley. Although they were both injured, and Figlock no doubt was briefly terrified that Detroit was under attack from flying alien midgets, they both survived.
But here's where it gets really freaky. A year later, Thomas fell out of the same goddamn window again. This, however, is less "unbelievable coincidence" and more "unbelievable parental negligence."
The parents were big believers in letting babies build up their dropping-out-of-windows immunities.
Once again, the baby's life was saved by falling on someone -- and once again, that someone happened to be street cleaner Joseph Figlock, Detroit's literal babe magnet. The baby was unharmed and back in the arms of his no doubt pretty nonplussed mother within minutes. As for Figlock, we're guessing he started carrying an umbrella.
Made out of a giant condom, 'cause that shit's like baby Kryptonite.
#2. Alec Alder Kicked Death's Ass 14 Times
English pensioner Alec Alder survived 14 encounters with death over 70 years, proving that the world is a long action movie franchise and we're all just background characters in his story. This man has found himself in so many dangerous situations over the years that he makes Jack Bauer's Wikipedia biography seem feasible.
And we're not even counting all the times he ran into mountain cougars to stretch the plot.
Although most of his near-death experiences happened during World War II, Alder has been cheating death since before he could shave -- in 1926, at age 7, he fell 15 feet from an elm tree and landed on his stomach. Alder survived unhurt, but this was actually just a trial run for what would happen later: When he was 10, he was badly hit by an oncoming car, but the driver happened to be a doctor and saved his life right there.
Later, in 1939, 20-year-old Alder was drafted into the army, where his entire squadron was wiped out during one of the bloodiest campaigns in World War II ... but not him, because he'd been transferred to a different post just a few weeks earlier.
They left a seat free for him and filled it with bitter recriminations.
Other wartime incidents include surviving two German bombings on military sites, being accidentally run over by a tank whose engine stalled right before hitting his chest (since it was muddy, his legs were only pushed into the mud) and having a British fighter plane crash land into the house where he was sleeping, missing his head by inches. The roof collapsed and the plane caught fire, but he presumably just rolled over and continued sleeping.
"I had a late night, Fire. You just need to step back."
After surviving two more close calls miraculous enough to turn anyone religious, Alder did exactly that in 1944, while lying in a hospital bed in India with the broken leg that saved him from being sent to a certain death in Burma. Alder became a Christian, but his new affiliation didn't prevent his ship from being caught in a ferocious storm in Gibraltar when he was on his way back to Britain in 1945. He survived again, only to be nearly crushed to death by trucks two times, in 1947 and 1997.
In 1977, he survived a head-on car collision -- but clearly, death was half-assing it at this point. Alder finally died from a heart attack in 2008. After all this time, he probably figured, "Eh, might as well let 'em win one."
#1. Bill Morgan Comes Back from the Dead to Win the Lottery ... Twice
In 1998, Aussie Bill Morgan was struck by both a massive heart attack and a massive truck at the same time, and died. For 14 minutes, anyway. That's how long it took Morgan to come back to life after being clinically dead -- only to fall right into a seemingly irreversible coma, at which point his family was advised to turn off life support.
"We need to vacuum this place, and that's the only power supply."
But his family knew him better, and 12 days later Morgan once again emerged from a deathlike state, with all his faculties intact. And here's where this particular multiple-survival story takes one more twist:
Exactly one year after his truck accident, Morgan proposed to the woman he started dating after having died and all, and she said yes. To celebrate his good fortune on the getting married/being immortal front, he bought a scratch card and won himself a car worth $17,000. Two weeks later, a TV station doing a story on his already impressive life wanted to shoot a clip re-enacting him scratching off his winning ticket.
Out of his pocket, no less, because the media is cheapass.
However, the re-enactment turned out to be far more accurate than anyone expected when Morgan bought another card, rubbed it and won $170,000 right in front of the TV crew.
Yeah, that guy obviously used his time being dead to make a deal with Satan.
For us, that moment of realization would have been accompanied by a chorus of middle fingers.
For more people who shirked off death, check out 7 Historical Figures Who Were Absurdly Hard To Kill. Or discover the 6 People Who Died In Order To Prove A (Retarded) Point.
And stop by LinkSTORM because we hear it makes you immortal.
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