#2. Two Teenage Girls Rob a Bank and Get Away Clean
When we pictured our art thief earlier, we immediately imagined a suave, sophisticated type. Well, when picturing bank robbers, we tend to imagine something much more brutal and direct. Shotguns fired into the ceiling, ski masks, shouted commands to get down before you get your head blown off.
And if they're the type to actually get away with it, they have to be pros. They have to know the security and have a getaway plan. Since it's a federal offense and all, they probably have to spend a week or 50 in Mexico to avoid the FBI manhunt. So, with all these deterrents, it should be utterly impossible for the average person, let alone two kids of junior high school age, to just waltz into a bank and rob it. Right?
"OK, but I get to be Mrs. Pink."
Apparently not. Two Ohio kids were able to pull off a totally successful bank robbery, taking home an undisclosed (meaning too embarrassingly huge to reveal) amount of cash. We'd point out that the brazen act was even more shocking in light of the fact that the teens were girls, but that would be sexist. Instead, we'll just let their ages, estimated to be 14 and 12, stand as the fact that leaves us in awe.
Even more surprising, there wasn't even any violence involved. The 14-year-old just calmly walked up to the bank teller and, with the same nonchalance with which other girls her age pass notes in class asking whether that bitch Janie is coming to Stacey's sleepover, handed the cashier a note demanding money. The robber was wearing a tightly wrapped hoodie, thus rendering the surveillance footage of the robbery completely useless.
"But if any bank robber ever dares to stare directly into those cameras from two feet away, we'll have them!"
Meanwhile, the 12-year-old stood outside, serving as a lookout for both the cops and Mr. Sweeney, who was probably looking for the girls after they skipped homeroom. The teller, who was apparently trained to classify any robber as a serious threat, even if she was unironically wearing glitter lip balm, handed over the cash. The two girls fled, and the teller immediately called the cops.
This is the part in most movies where the robbers mess up and get caught by the genius policeman who was on to them from the start. But not these girls. Despite the fact that the FBI did everything in their power to catch them, from releasing a police dog to deploying freaking helicopters, the girls got away scot-free, and remain at large and unidentified to this day. Not even the fact that some of the bills were marked seems to have worked. The girls either had someone in their crime syndicate identify those bills for them or MacGyvered a contraption that detected them using nothing but their Hello Kitty markers and Bunsen burners from the older kids' science lab.
"We're totally real money, kids. You should spend us at the police station!"
OK, maybe any kid can get lucky once. But how about several hundred times? Well ...
#1. A Lone Teenager Causes a 500 Percent Increase in Crime
Residents of Essex, England, were victims of a six-year crime wave that, while thankfully absent of disemboweled hookers, cost residents over 1 million pounds' worth of goods that were stolen from hundreds of homes. The burglaries were so frequent and of such a high volume that they led to a 500 percent increase in the crime statistics in Chelmsford alone.
So, did the Mafia move into town? Did some kind of newfangled and highly addictive drug hit the streets of Essex, causing residents to steal whatever wasn't nailed down so they could pay their dealer? Nope. That 500 percent increase in crime was the work of just one incredibly prolific teenager named Bradley Wernham.
He got his start lifting weed whackers to manage that unibrow.
Bradley started his crime spree at the age of 12, breaking into houses and pubs. He also hit a few churches, just in case stealing alone wasn't enough to write himself a one-way ticket to hell. Within a few years, he moved on to things like luxury automobiles, stealing two Mercedes vehicles, an Audi and a Porsche. When he was finally apprehended, Wernham was charged with 17 counts of burglary. Not wanting to appear to be some kind of amateur, he asked that an additional 645 crimes be taken into account as well. If you're keeping score at home, that's over 660 burglaries and thefts that he committed before finally getting caught.
Unsurprisingly, it was Wernham's staggering crime stats that eventually got him arrested, but probably not in the way you think. At one point during his one-man crime extravaganza, the wily thief moved to a new city. A few short months after his arrival, crime statistics in his new hometown shot up to record levels as well. Officials eventually put two and two together and charged Wernham with being some kind of super-efficient crime-committing machine.
"He even stole the paint off of his walls, officer."
Naturally, at trial, the judge threw the book at him. Ha, just joking! For his crimes, Bradley Wernham was given 150 hours of community service and was forced to live rent-free in a government-provided apartment. He was also sent to college on the taxpayers' dime. For the love of God, have mercy on the poor kid, England!
Shockingly, this punishment did nothing to stop Bradley Wernham's criminal ways. A few months after being sentenced to a life of leisure, he was arrested for burglary once again. This time, there would be no lenient sentencing. Bradley Wernham was sentenced to five years in prison.
"Now you get in that cell and think about what you've done over a nice nap. We'll bring you breakfast at nine."
He remains locked up to this day. Ha, again, just joking. He was released after serving only 18 months of his five-year sentence. This raises an obvious question: Why doesn't every criminal just move to England?
For more unexpected criminals, check out The 7 Most Incredible Crime Sprees Carried Out by Animals and 7 Ridiculous Cases Where Animals Were Put On Trial.