The 6 Most Impressive Serial Criminals in the Animal Kingdom

Have you ever turned around and caught your cat staring at you like he was planning something illegal? Well, guess what? It turns out that, judging by the actions of these animals, he probably totally was. The results range from creepy to adorable.

#6. Sam the Seagull: Shoplifter


Unless you've been hiding under an Internet rock for the past few years, you've probably seen an animated gif of this seagull stealing a bag of chips from a store (and if you haven't, your day is about to improve dramatically):


Ha! Look at how he tries to casually walk out at first and then just runs for it. If you thought it was either a fake clip (from a commercial or something) or a freak occurrence that somebody happened to catch on their phone, you're wrong. That's Sam the Seagull from Aberdeen, Scotland. And he's a serial chip thief. And Sam had a serious case of the munchies for a certain brand of nacho chips, which is no surprise, considering that the orange powder those things are coated with is really processed cheddar-flavored heroin.

So, to get his fix, he regularly visited a local shop to swipe a pack. And no, the "silly animal doesn't know what stealing means" excuse won't fly here -- Sam clearly showed that he was completely aware of the illegal nature of his deed, treading carefully and waiting for an unobserved moment before striking, as you can see here:

As the shop assistant put it, "He's got it down to a fine art. He waits until there are no customers around and I'm standing behind the till, then he raids the place."

Sam became so popular, and the locals found his thievery so hilarious, that the locals started paying for the chips he stole so that the store wouldn't be tempted to try to stop him. Yeah, way to encourage criminal behavior, people. Now he'll tell all his little seagull friends, and before you know it these damn things will be flocking all over us anytime they think there's a chance they can swipe some food. It'll be like that Alfred Hitchcock movie, only all of the birds will be incredibly fat.

He's an angry bird because all those Snickers bars gave him diabetes.

#5. Fred the Baboon Carjacker


You may not be surprised to hear that there's a history of gang violence in Cape Town, South Africa, but we're betting you will be surprised to hear that one of the most notorious gangs was headed up by a short, hairy baboon named Fred. And we're not insulting him -- he literally was a short, hairy baboon. Named Fred.

And Fred's crew likes to break into cars.

Via Google
They run the world's third most adorable illegal chop shop.

The baboon earned a name for himself (though, sadly, not a more impressive one than "Fred") by staking out the road that leads to Cape Point (South Africa's most southerly point), and was often seen prowling up and down the roadside, carefully surveying the cars that had so carelessly stopped on his turf. Fred had figured out that automobiles were really just huge metal treat holders, and having realized that, it was only a matter of time before he learned that pulling on the door handles gave him instant access to the goodies within.

Also, it's not like he was fussy about whether anyone was actually in the car or not, leading to many a surprised tourist leaping out of the car as a baboon rummaged through their stuff. And if they weren't smart enough to get out, Fred had no qualms about shanking them with the knives that Mother Nature had so kindly built directly into his face.

"I'll just ... sign that title right on over, sir."

In fact, Fred and his gang caused so much trouble that Cape Town went to the lengths of employing a crack team of monkey specialists to try and ward the baboons off their vehicular targets. Team leader Mark Duffell said his baboon nemesis could "hit four or five cars in like five minutes."

Via Nihaopengyou
This is roughly the point where it stops being cute.

Sadly, Fred's antics wouldn't be permitted forever, and he was eventually caught and given a lethal injection in March of 2011. It was only then that we learned the true badassness of this particular baboon -- an X-ray taken as part of his postmortem showed that Fred had continued his baboonjacking spree despite having been shot more than 50 times.

We highly doubt any of his victims survived being bit more than once.

#4. Princess the Orangutan: Boat Thief


Princess was raised by Dr. Gary Shapiro, co-founder of the unfortunately named Camp Leakey, part of the even more unfortunately named Tanjung Puting National Park. Like most orangutans, Princess was chock-full of the smarts, and Shapiro successfully taught her how to use sign language, with the clever ape picking up over 30 signs with which to communicate.

And sign language wasn't the only human behavior she was picking up -- Princess took in everything that went on around her, and often entertained herself by mimicking the actions of the camp workers. It wasn't long until she'd figured out the art of transportation, and was filmed for Sir David Attenborough's Life of Mammals series as she paddled a canoe across the river. In fact, she was the first orangutan ever to be seen using a boat in the same way as a human.

And not in a "drunkenly flashing her boobs to skiers on Labor Day" sort of way.

But Princess didn't always find the locals willing to accommodate her desire for sailing, probably because she wasn't too careful about bringing the boat back once she'd finished using it. But she wasn't going to let such a trifling matter as lack of permission stop her from reaching her goal -- namely, a hoard of untouched food on the other side of the river (with the horde of pissed-off humans who regularly had to round up their missing canoes being an unintentional yet hilarious bonus).

When the camp workers realized their boats were no longer safe from a boat-stealing orangutan, they thought they could outwit her by hiding the paddles, but it turns out that's not an effective form of theft prevention when you're dealing with a creature that basically has paddles for hands:

If she made a little motorboat sound with her mouth while doing that, we would gladly buy her a yacht.

Deciding they'd need to employ more cunning tactics, the boat owners elected to start tethering the boats up, which, to an uninitiated person, may have seemed like a good enough idea. What they didn't take into account, however, was the fact that Princess could just do this:

Sure, a knot's going to stop an ape that can learn freaking sign language.

Needless to say, their next ingenious idea was equally unsuccessful, given that it wasn't so much "ingenious" as it was "Well shit, let's just tie the knots tighter." Finally, they resorted to weighing their canoes down with rocks until they needed them.

That's right, folks: Princess reduced the locals to sinking their own boats in order to stop her from stealing them.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here


The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!