#3. The Fake Pregnancy Test
Because every healthy relationship is based on sadism and deceit, the Fake Pregnancy Test is a $9.98 gag product specifically designed to convince your significant other that you're having a fictional child. It looks like a completely regular pregnancy test, except it always comes up positive (the company that makes it is presumably already working on an AIDS test that does the same thing).
Random Good Stuff
It's never been cheaper to prove you're a terrible person.
Supposedly this thing is meant to help you find out if your boyfriend is a moral person ... by being the complete opposite to him. The official product description includes the phrase "sleep with your married boss and watch him squirm" -- we honestly can't tell if that's a joke or part of the instructions. It's hard to tell. To give an idea of the level of humor we're dealing with here, the page also includes the words "You May Also Be Interested In THE DICK TOWEL" (caps in the original).
We are, but that's not the point.
Besides the suggested method of use, the Fake Pregnancy Test can also be used to play a variety of other "pranks," like convincing another girl she's pregnant, leaving it in a teenager's room for her parents to find, giving false hope to a couple that's trying, etc. There's nothing you can do with this piece of plastic that won't make you a worse human being.
In fact, this may actually be more useful as a tool for terminating unwanted relationships: Simply prove to the other person how much of a bastard you are and wait for them to leave you.
"But not for at least two or three months!"
#2. TitleTV Poltergeist Phantom Prank Device
Ever had a friend whose idea of a joke is to turn off the TV during the climatic part of the movie or the decisive moment of the game? Different people have different interpretations of the concept of humor, and some are just idiots. The TV Poltergeist Phantom Prank Device is like having that guy in your house all the time, every day, for weeks. Also he's a ghost.
With crappy taste.
The TV Poltergeist is a small box that can be easily planted in almost any room, at which point it will start turning on and off a nearby TV at random intervals of five to 20 minutes for as long as the batteries last (which, according to Amazon, can be for months). It also works on DVD players and VCRs, apparently, so depending on how cluttered your living room is, you could easily waste hundreds of dollars replacing "faulty" equipment before finding it.
That's without counting the money you'll waste on Ghostbusters.
And that's it. That's all this thing does. It's a $13 piece of machinery created to act on behalf of your annoying douchebag friend when he's not around. And because those guys tend to be loud and obnoxious, the same company has also produced a similar device called Annoy-A-Tron to take care of that part for as little as $9.99:
Plus every friendship you've ever had.
That small, easy to hide gadget produces three different types of annoying beeps and frequencies at varying pitches -- since the beeps are short and random, they can become extremely grating over time, while remaining difficult to locate. Oh, and this one also lasts for weeks, at which point it could reduce anyone to a paranoid mess. This company apparently has an entire department devoted to thinking up new ways of being the worst friend ever ... but hey, at least they haven't figured out how to create a gadget that makes people puke.
Unfortunately someone else has ...
#1. Sonic Nausea
Sonic weapons are a type of technology that governments have developed as a nonviolent alternative to traditional methods of crowd control (unless you consider headaches, vomiting and loss of balance to be violent, that is). This is highly unpleasant military-level technology here -- so obviously someone created an affordable gag version of it.
"Use with extreme discretion" or, y'know, whenever.
Yes, this Sonic Nausea gadget is just a few clicks away from any dick in the world with about $40 to his name. Like the Annoy-A-Tron, it's easy to hide and difficult to find. Unlike the other gadgets in this list, it's not just annoying, it actually causes physical consequences like "headaches, intense irritation, sweating, imbalance, nausea or even vomiting." It's like that PC Prank thing, only for your brain, and instead of messing with your cursor, maybe it loosens up your bowels.
He's laughing on the inside.
The gadget works by generating a specific combination of sound waves calculated to make you physically ill. The effect varies from person to person: Users over the net have described it as a "slightly queasy feeling, almost like you have to belch but can't, and it's lasted about 15 minutes" and "disruption to concentration in some, heightened aggression in one individual and downright irritation to many younger people."
As far as pranks go, this is as hilarious as infecting someone with a bad flu. At least you don't have to worry about your computer, phone, TV or girlfriend bothering you while you tend to that migraine. Speaking of which, we've actually done the math, and it would take a minimum of $239.92 (plus shipping) for a dedicated asshole to buy all the gadgets mentioned in this article and use them against you. Our advice to avoid this, we guess, is don't have shitty friends.
Only available for use by military, law enforcement or literally anyone with a credit card.
For more products to improve your dickishness, check out The 10 Most Baffling Computer Gadgets Money Can Buy and The 13 Most Irresponsible Self Defense Gadgets Money Can Buy.