A lot of mail flows in and out of the video game world. Luckily, Avery Edison is there to catch it ...
Work in the Mushroom Kingdom is hard to find, so when I got a gig with the pit crew at the kart races, I was thrilled. Mom always said that training as a mechanic would never get me anywhere, that I should be more like my brother (he got his MBA in Pacing Back and Forth and Throwing Things), but now I'd have the chance to show her just how wrong she was.
I was assigned to Mario's kart. The race began, and after only one lap he pulled in to the pit stop, jumped out of the kart and ran around shouting "Mamma Mia!" The kart itself was in horrible shape -- the bumper had been dented multiple times by some kind of heavy projectile, the wheels were clogged with banana skins and the whole chassis was bent and buckled from carrying coins for some demented reason.
Oh God, it's alive. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
I went to work removing the fruit, and asked my partner to do something about the ruined tire rubber (I guess a certain plumber has been watching too much Tokyo Drift). He shook his head and gestured to a truck that was delivering a brand-new kart for Mario. I soon discovered that our entire job consisted of helping the truck driver get new karts down so that Mario could jump in them, speed away and come back in a lap's time with another ruined vehicle.
"The spectators want to see crashes, but the drivers won't get in anything but a brand-new kart. This is the price we pay for greatness."
"Just look at the turnout this year. Fantastic."
I was so confused -- what about the food shortages in World 2? The fuel crisis that has left World 8 consumed by darkness? How can the people allow waste on this scale?
"That is the price they pay for greatness," he replied.
I quit my job. Maybe I'll go back to school, get a diploma in Hiding in Lava and Then Popping Out When Someone Comes By. There are no blue shells in lava.
Lucky I quit, as they got rid of physics the next day. I hate when they do that.