Have you ever watched a movie set in the present where a guy was, say, using a pay phone, and thought, "Man, how old are these writers? Use your cellphone!"
The thing is, writers often reference not real life, but the shows they grew up watching as kids. So they wind up writing scenes that made sense in the 1970s, but are hopelessly out of date today. That's why in movies and TV ...
7Psychiatrists Make You Talk About What Your Dreams Mean
As Seen In: Analyze This, Bones, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Sopranos, Two and a Half Men, Desperate Housewives, Numb3rs, Dexter
What Movies and TV Say:
People in movies and TV visit psychiatrists for a variety of reasons: Maybe he or she is a cop who was traumatized after a shooting, or someone dealing with repressed childhood memories, or (in a surprising number of cases) a notorious crime boss with mommy issues ...
Yes, two times absolutely counts as "a surprising number of cases" for this.
Whatever the problem, they'll always end up sitting or lying on a psychiatrist's chair, talking about themselves and what their dreams symbolize for an implied hour until the shrink says something profound that leads to a life-altering realization. It's mostly stuff about the character's mother, and wanting to bang her.
Sometimes the psychiatrist even becomes a permanent member of the cast, offering insights into the psychosexual stages of childhood or quipping about Freudian slips (like in Bones).
That expression is not a coincidence.
The Reality Today:
How many times have you heard a movie psychiatrist say "Our hour is up" when there's still so much to talk about? If you've actually been to one, however, you know that most psychiatrist appointments in America today last only 15 minutes ... and don't involve a lot of talking.
"The first three sessions involve no talking, just rape-eyes."
Even if you do manage to find a psychiatrist or therapist to listen to you monologuing, it still won't be the familiar TV fare about dreams and secretly wanting to bone everyone in your family. Concepts like Oedipus complexes, repressed urges and psychosexual stages -- in other words, the 1920s-era psychology of Sigmund Freud -- are now viewed by most psychiatrists and mental health professionals as about as scientifically valid and useful as Freud's cocaine use. These days, between 75 and 90 percent of psychiatric practice is based not on talking about your problems, but on drug therapy. When you do get to talk to somebody, you'll find they prefer "evidence-based" treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy, a short-term treatment that focuses on changing unhealthy behavior and thought patterns.
"Absolute nonsense. Now show me your anus."
So if you want to tell someone about your weird sex dreams for an hour without being arrested, you might be better off seeking out a homeless person instead.
6Catholic Nuns Still Dress Like ... Nuns
As Seen In: CSI, The Da Vinci Code, Angels & Demons, House, Constantine, End of Days, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Boondock Saints, Supernatural, The Exorcism of Emily Rose
What Movies and TV Say:
Even if you've never stepped inside a church, you probably know all about the Catholic religion just from watching TV and going to the movies -- whether the plot revolves around faith, ancient conspiracy theories or just plain old exploding demons, the Catholics will always be there doing their instantly identifiable Catholic stuff. For example, if you see these ladies in CSI ...
Semen is present on at least one of these habits.
... or this one in the film The Da Vinci Code ...
... or Dogma ...
Both Matt Damon and the nun were played by Kevin Smith.
... you instantly recognize them as Catholic nuns, because everyone knows that's how they all dress. Catholic churches themselves are just as easy to spot in movies: They will inevitably be dark, with stained glass, flickering votive candles and spooky Latin chanting coming from nowhere in particular -- like this one in The Boondock Saints:
Yeah, this looks like the house of a God who speaks mainly through Berettas.
And if there's an exorcism or some other type of Catholic ritual involved, you can bet your ass that it will be in Latin, a language that every priest has memorized with nearly as much devotion as a Trekkie learning to speak Klingon.
The Reality Today:
If you have stepped inside a Catholic church, however, you've probably noticed that a lot of the newer ones have a tendency to look like empty DMV offices:
"Blessings in the left line. Everlasting purgatory in the right."
Even the traditional church candles have been replaced in many places with electric lights, due to fire's propensity to burn shit to the ground. But at least those habit-wearing nuns and Latin-speaking priests are still going strong, right? Sure they are, probably. Just not in the U.S.
You see, in the 1960s, the Second Vatican Council loosened the guidelines on things like habit-wearing and Latin-speaking. Other countries applied the new rules in moderation, but it turns out that Americans were about as into Latin in their religions as they were subtitles in their movies. So Latin rites were largely replaced with English versions ... back in 1964. Today, most priests coming out of seminary do not even speak Latin, let alone perform rites in it.
"Oh jeez. Look, everyone just be excellent to each other. Church dismissed."
Nuns, for their part, mostly stopped wearing habits in the '60s, totally missing out on the whole nunsploitation genre. In fact, the number of habit-wearing nuns in the U.S. went from 180,000 in 1964 to a third of that in 2009, and today, the vast majority of religious women dress like ... women. This means that there are probably more nun costumes in America right now than there are actual nun habits, begging the question: Who is dressing up as whom?