#2. The CIA Turns the Indonesian President into Unwitting Porn Star
During the Cold War, a considerable percentage of the U.S. national budget went toward enticing the leaders of undecided countries to join their side, either by dispensing gifts and some good-natured extortion or simply by replacing the bastard with a more agreeable guy. One such leader was Sukarno, the first ever president of Indonesia, a nation so poor that for the longest time their presidents could only afford one name.
And half a top hat.
Although Sukarno had been pretty chummy with Eisenhower and Kennedy, the CIA still feared that he was leaning more to the communist side. They needed a subtle and elegant way to discredit him ... and after what must have been an interesting brainstorming session, it was decided that creating a fake sex tape of Sukarno doing it with a Soviet agent would be the safest bet.
It's not like they completely pulled that one out of their asses: There had been rumors in Indonesia that Sukarno was involved with a Russian stewardess. The CIA simply planned to solidify those rumors by hiring a porn actor who looked like Sukarno and filming him having sex with a blonde actress, then distributing the resulting movie in Indonesia. Sukarno would be so humiliated that he would be driven out of office -- according to a CIA agent involved in the production, the idea was to show that "a woman had gotten the better of Sukarno. Being tricked, deceived or otherwise outsmarted by one of the creatures God has provided for man's pleasure cannot be condoned [in Indonesian culture]."
For the blonde actress, they just hired some chick the president knew.
After some trouble locating a close enough Sukarno look-alike in LA's porn scene (they even considered making a Sukarno mask), the CIA cast the role, finished their cinematic masterpiece (titled Happy Days) and started spreading saucy still photos from it across the Far East. However, the people of Indonesia either didn't buy the hoax or didn't give a shit -- presumably the only consequence for Sukarno was that men were suddenly high-fiving him in the street and complimenting his porn-star-sized dong.
"Come on, man. You gotta whip it out. I have to know."
If anything, the incident only brought Sukarno closer to China and the Soviets, since in the following years he received more communist aid, opened more facilities to them and even got the coveted Lenin Peace Prize. Indonesia remained an important Soviet ally until 1967, when the CIA apparently said "screw it" and just replaced the guy with another dude.
#1. Stalin and Hitler's Doubles
Despotic rulers are apparently the number one employers in the doppelganger sector, what with their tendency to be both paranoid lunatics (who think everyone wants to kill them) and major assholes (that everyone really does want to kill). Not every dictator double, however, gets to have as much fun as those starring in porn movies -- in fact some of them got a pretty shitty deal.
Take Felix Dadaev, one of Stalin's four doubles, who wasn't so much recruited into the job as kidnapped and sent off to shake hands with foreign dignitaries. Dadaev, who was only in his 20s at the time, was "discovered" after being wounded so badly during World War II that they actually declared him dead. Fortunately, he got better, but his resemblance to 60-year-old Stalin (which got him teased in school) caught the eye of Russian intelligence agents, who started using him to save the real Stalin from assassination plots and lame public ceremonies.
Via Daily Mail
That's the decoy on the right, playing the propaganda equivalent of that guy who shakes the sign outside of Little Caesars.
In the meantime, Dadaev was forbidden from contacting his family, who still believed him dead, and in fact waited until 2008 to tell anyone what he did. Why? He still feared that the KGB (or Stalin's ghost) might kill him.
Via Daily Mail
Today he serves as a living computer simulation of what Stalin would look like at age 90.
But even Dadaev got off easy compared to Hitler's double Gustav Weler, who ended up taking a bullet to the head around the same time Hitler did, if only for the sake of accuracy. Weler was initially used as a decoy for Hitler for security reasons -- apparently, when the Nazi high command learned that the Soviets were approaching, they realized they might be slightly less eager to stomp the shit out of Germany if they thought Hitler was already dead ... at which point everyone presumably looked at the current Hitler double on the payroll and smiled.
Weler, or at least someone who looked conveniently like Hitler, was killed off and found by Red Army troops, who temporarily stopped their march to take pictures and pose with the body. Even today, the double's image is still sometimes mistakenly credited as Hitler's actual corpse.
That's how good this guy was at imitating people.
According to a servant who was present at the bunker, though, the dead guy was actually just a cook who happened to be sporting a Hitler 'stache and was "assassinated due to his strong likeness to Hitler." Of course, all this trickery turned out to be useless, because we all know what happened next: Hitler was shot to death by the Inglourious Basterds.
For more on who is who and what is what, check out The 6 Most Impressive Cases of Identity Theft Ever Pulled Off and 6 Real People With Secret Identities Nobody Saw Coming.
And stop by LinkSTORM to discover which columnist dresses up like Kristi and cooks for her family.
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