Old people are cranky, slow and boring. Kids are noisy, restless and irritating. For most of us, life is about making sure we stay as awesome as we are right now -- we'll always love our video games, and music, and eating burritos at two in the morning after the bars closed. Isn't that what all the commercials tell us, that you're only as old as you feel?
Well, science has some bad news for you. The behaviors of the elderly that you write off as old-person lameness, and your behavior that the elderly credit to dickish rebellion, are all based in biology. And no, you can't stop it.
As you age ...
7Your Brain Will Stop Getting Pleasure from New Music
When you're a kid, the absolute worst music in the world is whatever your parents are listening to. Your dad is out in the garage listening to goddamned Foghat, and you wonder why he doesn't want to cram that power drill right into his ear.
Get your uncool hands off our inheritance, you selfish old man.
Then when you grow up, the absolute worst music in the world is whatever the teenagers are listening to. You're still listening to real rock or rap, the hardcore stuff from back when music was genuine, while they're listening to some derivative manufactured Justin Bieber bullshit. Dammit, why won't they listen when you try to show then what real music sounds like?
"It was the greatest rivalry of all time, son."
If you're reading this and are somewhere in between the "kid" and "grownup" stages, you're probably thinking that you'd never just let your musical tastes freeze in time. You'll keep finding new bands as they emerge, staying on the cutting edge until the day you die.
But Over Time ...
As you get older, your brain becomes more and more unable to handle dopamine, which, as we've pointed out before, is a big factor in making us feel "the chills" when a new exciting piece of music comes on.
"Na na na getting jiggy wit it ... yeah, this is my sonnng!"
Because nothing you hear will have that same effect on you as the fresh exciting sounds of your youth, it will become harder and harder to get fired up about new music. Your musical taste will therefore stagnate, regardless of how on top of the trends you were at 17. If you want to know what new music will sound like when you're 50, go spend an hour watching TV shows intended for toddlers. See how long you can tolerate it.
So, you'll get older and settle down and, inevitably, the ubiquitous Rumours album by Fleetwood Mac will mysteriously appear in your collection, like a Gideon Bible in a hotel. Just accept it.
And get off our lawn.