Dark Roasted Blend
Much like any modern pistol, pepperbox guns hold multiple bullets for repeat firing. However, unlike those damned communist revolvers, a pepperbox doesn't believe in "sharing for the common good." Each bullet gets its own private barrel, and probably a two-car garage and a nice lawn to tend, too. That's the American Dream, after all: A gun barrel for every citizen.
If that isn't in the constitution, it damn well should be.
So wait, what's the problem here? You can duel-wield mini guns, right?! Give two of those to a disgruntled Belgian and set him loose in Tokyo, and you've got the nex -- well, you get the idea. But there's a good reason that, outside of Metal Gear Solid, you don't see many soldiers walking around wielding mini guns themselves: They're usually mounted to vehicles or on stands.
Or on badasses.
That's because the weight of the barrels is simply too much to aim precisely, and keeping a steady supply of ammunition -- which, in the pepperbox's case, was loaded manually by hand-rotating the barrel between shots -- is too complex for feasible use on the battlefield. But maybe we're just being wussies here: That six-shot pepperbox up there doesn't look too heavy. But then, what's the point of that? If it's only six shots, that's just a standard revolver.
Which is why most pepperbox guns came with more barrels -- some with 18 or even 24.
This thing really ought to have a "No Smoking" sign stamped on it.
Even if you could haul that bastard into an upright position long enough to empty all of your chambers, it's been estimated that it would take one man anywhere between 40 and 60 minutes to reload it after a single volley. That's somewhere around 40 to 60 minutes longer than you want to spend weaponless while getting shot at by other men with equally ludicrously oversized hand pistols.
Besides, if you're going to go with "intensely impractical but looks fucking bitching to use," well, lunatics of the previous centuries had your back in better ways: Here's the swordcanevolver.
We dearly hope that's supposed to be a horse.
And if simultaneously stabbing and shooting a man isn't enough to get your crazy-socks in a ball, you could always get yourself an Apache revolver, aka your one stop murder shop; the bloodiest knuckles; a veritable Swiss Army Knife of death:
If our Boy Scouts carried these, we wouldn't even need cops.
The Apache revolver, oddly enough, was named for the French Les Apaches and not the Native Americans. While it was noted that, due to the lack of barrel and small caliber, the Apache was not a very effective firearm, shootpunchstabbing enthusiasts did clarify that it still "proved deadly at extremely close range." So no, we're not just being our usual hyperbolic man-child selves when we insist that one operated this gun by "punching bullets into the stab wounds on your enemies' damn heads." That shit was in the manual.
It was a very short manual.
Of course, if brutish brass knuckle guns were a little too low rent for you, history did have a few classier ways to punch a stab into a gunshot wound.
For more from Adam, you can check out the rest of his Cracked articles here or visit Alert Level Tumblr! His friend Kevin Axt also runs the brilliantly funny Web comic Donuts for Sharks, and you should go there right now. Check out other stuff from Ben at This Blog Rules.
For more insane weapons, check out 7 WTF Military Weapons You Won't Believe They Actually Built and The 7 Most Stupidly Overpowered Hunting Weapons.