7 Steps to Being the Worst Houseguest Ever
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Show up at my house without prior notice and you are not getting in, period.
ReplyAnd if you give prior notice and plan on staing more than a week, you are going to be putting some money in my hand or helping buy supplies even if I have to whore you out.
sorry, zoidberg's alredy in the house
ReplyWait, if he accidentally locks himself out, couldn't the homeowner just keep him out and throw all his junk out the window while he's at it?
ReplyI've already written this guide, directing someone how to be a rotten houseguest in 30 days. My inspiration came from the Swedish girl dating my husband's brother. We lived under the same roof for a month. It was absolutely miserable. The guide includes some of the following: Taking someone's clothes out of the washing machine and putting them on the floor so that you can do your laundry....'cause your needs are more important. Using all of the essentials in the kitchen, i.e., milk, sugar, flour, eggs, bread....and not once replacing any of it. Spending THREE HOURS in the kitchen to cook meatballs, or any other bland meal. Seriously. Doing your partner so loudly that it could be heard throughout the house....while the folks are home, on the same floor. Spending up to an hour in the bathroom, every time you're in the bathroom, three times a day. But get this...you're not showering! It becomes a fun mystery for everyone in the house to solve; like a game! "What on earth could she possibly be doing in there???"
Reply Hide All See All 5 RepliesI've got 30 examples of how to be the worst houseguest. And they're all true stories.
Swedish? Boy, she must be a looker. I hope your husband wasn't thinking of her when doing you.
@jericoparazo HAHAH! That made me laugh out loud. Yeah, if you like 22 year olds who look 12! She looks and acts like a child. She doesn't really fit the "gorgeous Swedish woman" stereotype....lucky for me! ;)
Heh, yeah! Who would ever want that? Yuck! You should give me her number so I can call her and tell her how much I DON'T want her to hit me up as soon as she throws your husband's brother to the curb. Hehe...he...hhhe
@radiohigh-Lucky you;) I guess your husband's brother must have the same tastes as Anna Pacquin's boyfriend.
cool story, bro
Can I buy that shirt? Seriously.
ReplyMy (ex)friend came and crashed at my pad. In two months he:
Reply-Broke half a dozen things of mine,
-spent every day on my couch, folded out to a bed,
-never cleaned up after himself, once, and so we
-attracted ants
-drank all my booze, then
-ate all my food, at 4am, making a huge mess that he
-never cleaned up, including dried egg under the fridge, somehow
-left the apartment for hours with the door open (did i mention i lived in NYC?)
-never paid to fix anything, or offered help with rent
-was surprised when he found all his s**t in the hall, and locked out, (later, jerk)
Hipster Cthulu is ADORABLE. I need more of him!
ReplyGood to know I'm not that bad of a houseguest. The bad thing I've ever done is walking into my friend's room while he was having sex with his girlfriend
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesThat's a bad thing?
Mr(s) d4m4s74 .... We´ve been expecting you -__-
His fault for not locking the door or propping something against it!
I'd trade the hairy worthless sack of douche that sucked down all my food and savings for Cthulhu (hipster or otherwise) any day.
ReplyOh sure, you complain now, but you're the one who married him...
Nothing like playing poker with your friends... And Zoidberg.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies(V) (;,,;) (V)
Need a poker buddy? Why not Zoidberg!?
(he folds every goddamn time)
No Squidward? He makes a great poker opponent, because he can't hide his emotions!
One dislike. Hmmm... Come on, Dr. Z. You're classier than that.
I came home from work today and Hipster Cthulu was blaring some god-awful racket. I asked "what is this crap?" And he said "Oh, this is The Monotonous Piping of Azathoth's Demon Flautists. Its really obscure, you've probably never heard of it."
ReplyWhy am I still letting this douche live here?
I googled what you said he was listening to...I've heard more rhythm out of an introductory band class.
ive heard more rhythm out of googling what he said he was listening to
I also wish I had a shirt with my face on it.
ReplyMan, I wish I had Davy Jones as a poker buddy. Damn.
Replyoh good, i was unsure who that was, as I just recognized Zoidberg
actually, I thought he was that squid-headed villain from Ben 10
You forgot the people who beg and b***h their way in, then alternate between whoring for your attention and criticizing everything you do. And not just Hipster Cthulu. I wish it was just Hipster Cthulu.
ReplyWow, that exactly describes a guy I used to know. He convinced some friends to give him a ride to a convention (just the ride mind you) then when they got to LA he just expected them to also let him stay at their family's house. Needless to say he was a douche that always expected to get his own way.
I just wanted to note that Cthulu is watching the Call of Cthulu episode of South Park on his Ipad.
ReplyI'm both horrified and impressed.
Pabst blue ribbon, a curled moustache, and plenty of plaid. I can hear Cthulu's indie music now. "My Darkened Soul" -Lovecraft and folk
Replyoh man you told those hipsters hahahaha so gay!!! do I get upvotes now?
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesNO.
You get thumbs-down. Now.
Down votes ahoy!
Lol @ Zoidberg eating the cards xD
ReplyHoly s**t, I missed that! Thanks!
are they made of sardines?
Why does Cthulhu have a mustache?
ReplyAre YOU going to tell him to shave it?
When you give cthulu a place to stay.
ReplyI think the problem was less that he was cthulu and more that he was HIPSTER cthulu. The cuthulu part is not that bad, when you consider that.