6 Abandoned Places That Will Make Awesome Supervillain Lairs
It's no secret: We love abandoned places. Maybe it's the tragic appeal of a world absent of society, or maybe it's the aesthetics of the vines reclaiming man's constructions, or maybe it's just because "squatter's rights" say that if you can stay put in one for two years it legally belongs to you -- that's like expert level, high-stakes hide and seek! But while some abandoned places are terrifying, and some are simply sad, some others are just begging to be filled with ninjas and to have a laser mounted on top of them. These ... are their stories:
#6. The Witley Park Estate
In Surrey, on the grounds of the burned and demolished Lea Park Mansion, lies Witley Park -- the kind of dignified Evil Lord setting that makes steampunk-themed mustache-twirling gentlemen squeal in character-breaking delight. At first glance, the area seems like your quintessential English landscape, but then you start to notice the little things: the doors to nowhere, the strange glasswork, the mysterious statue in the middle of the lake ...
Daily Mail
Who appears to be using the Loofah of Power.
The lake that, incidentally, lights up at night.
Used with the permission of Large Pig
And beneath it ...
That? Oh, don't worry about that. Why, that's just the giant underwater dome. Did we not mention the giant underwater dome? Oh man, we probably should have mentioned the giant underwater dome straight off. Here, have a look:
Used with the permission of Large Pig
Maybe issue the henchmen rubber bullets.
They say it was built to be a billiards room, but come on -- who believes that? All that dripping water would totally ruin the felt. No, that baby is totally a supervillain command center; it's impossible to stand in the middle of that sucker and not burst into evil laughter.
Used with the permission of Large Pig
Well, if the lasers don't get Bond, the mold will.
Today, the premises lie silent, and the glass dome under the lake sits dormant ... as if waiting for someone to rise from their grave and return it to its original glory. But while the aquatic dome is definitely the deal-sealer on any evil real estate agent's property tour, it is by no means the only interesting thing about the area: There are a thousand secret corridors, hallways, walled pool areas and mysterious skylights littering the massive underground world of Witley Park. And guess who gets to sit in the middle of it all? Maybe you! Maybe you and the mad, vengeful ghost of J. Whitaker Wright, that's who!
Wikipedia
Just one barrel of acid and an Atkins diet away from being your No. 2.
#5. Shime Coal Mine Tower
Now this is as close as real life gets to Saruman's Isengard: a giant, elevated fortress tower in the middle of fuck all, just waiting to be reclaimed and renovated to the use it was clearly destined for -- mayhem. It's all moss, sinister angles and dramatic speech-giving platforms, equally suitable for long distance scheming, army raising, hero defense and villainous offense.
Kenta Mabuchi
Just try to stand at the top and not scream the words "... bring the world to its knees!"
That's the Shime Coal Mine Tower in Fukuoka, Japan, and it is an odd remnant from the embarrassing era when Japan forgot they made up Godzilla and started building everything to withstand his inevitable attacks. Standing 156.3 feet tall, it looms over (and presumably masters the dreams of) the nearby town of Shime. Its upper levels were all habitable offices and control rooms, and it originally came equipped with a cable-winding mechanism that sunk to a depth of over 1,400 feet.
Wikipedia
"I was promised a bottomless pit. Wright, flog this man."
That's right: The structure used to be the winding tower for the giant coal mine below, which is now just as abandoned as the tower above it. This is excellent news for the global menace who needs a bit of room to grow in their villainy, as it is a rare doomsday weapon indeed that wouldn't fit in the miles and miles of abandoned tunnels and caverns lurking below.
Wikipedia
Caverns, or incubators.
#4. The Moscow Metro-2
What little we do know of the Moscow Metro-2 is not so much "known" as "whispered in the shadows by only the bravest of spelunkers." Supposedly, it is a secret, government-built subway system paralleling the actual Moscow Metro ... only a hell of a lot larger, and one that goes to a bunch of places the official version doesn't -- including the Kremlin, secret airports, military installations, nuclear bunkers and even Stalin's old private residence. It's also much deeper than the actual Metro. The normal system runs, at its absolute deepest, to 276 feet, whereas Metro-2 is said to run to the somewhat insane depths of up to 600 feet. That's the comic book villain sweet spot right there: too deep for the hawkmen to get at you, not deep enough to anger the mole people.
metro.ru
Also too deep to sink the Internet cable. Dang.
Russian officials somehow manage to vehemently, passionately and furiously dodge the question of whether or not the Metro-2 even exists. Which basically means "Yes, this is absolutely a real thing and could not possibly exist any harder." Further, a bunch of ex-officials have gone on record saying that it's totally there, and some brave spelunkers have even been able to reach the system and take pictures. Oh yeah, and all that's omitting the trivial little fact that U.S. intelligence actually has a map of the place. Also, according to most sources, everything in the whole complex -- maintenance areas, tunnels, blasphemous labs and C.H.U.D.s alike -- are all completely abandoned.
huan-carlos
And if some upstart mafia don has set up shop since? The core of your legion of minions is already set.
So, it's not just a proper villainous lair, but a fine selection of lairs -- a sampler platter of villainy, if you will -- all interconnected by a vast underground network. Now it's just a matter of getting the Russian government to admit that it exists, saving up the money to buy it and then making sure everybody who doubted you is sorrier than they've ever been in their lives.
visitrockypoint
"MmmWAHAHAHAHAA -- man, this thing has a great echo. ECHO."
Sauron's summer palace, you say? Brb, constructing giant, flaming eye.
ReplyO.K.
Replythe problem with Metro-2, according to some officals, is that it is so badly damaged that it is unusable, they did not mention that this damage was caused by escaped C.H.U.D. now as a lone supervillian i do not have the resorces just yet to clear out the tunnles and pay off or threaten Russian authorities to allow myself to be undisturbed (oh wait i do, scrap that last point) and if any of my fellow supervillains would like to donate money or expandable henchmen to clear the tunnles i will gladly give you a part of it for your own world conquest plans, and a small part of the world when i come to rule it, you know, one of the s****y bits, like France
ReplyFor some reason the Sea Forts remind me of Howl's Moving Castle
Reply*squeals in delight* i think i just found my new home :D
Reply(prepares to move thermonuclear warheads and other doomsday devices)
"So you're sailing in your luxurious submarine/yacht/mer-robot just off the English coast. The weather is fine, the sun is shining and the kidnapped daughter of the rich archduke is showing the first signs of Stockholm syndrome."
ReplyThats pretty funny, considering I just spent 20 years in England I can tell you that there is roughly 2 weeks of sun per year.
Presumably the yacht is sailing just outside the government-mandated Gloom Zone, thus not only enjoying a delightful cruise but also managing to taunt the hapless populace at the same time! See, efficiency.
#3 is the freaking Big Shell on Metal Gear Solid 2! Also, if these places are mostly abandoned, why have they not 15 more Bond movies with Daniel Craig yet? Just film them like one films a TV season!
ReplyThey are embarrassed they used Daniel Craig as bond, thats why he can't ever be in a sucessful movie. even casino Royale was boring as hell unless you loved poker.
Because if they produced them at that speed quality would suffer.
Mr. Poisuo, great writing! You can be the evil villain in my life any day!
ReplyI know the caption was done for comedic effect, but that "Walk the plank" business is a myth. Myths like that are one thing this site tries its hardest to dispell.
Replythis site doesnt bust myths... or well, it does as I remember the plank myth in a cracked article, but it doesn't mean that they're going to keep a database of facts like that... even if it isnt a thing its still an expression
These ones are nice, but I think I'll stick with my current outer space snow globe future city, as I rest within the hedge maze-surrounded factory citadel within and stare emotionlessly at the planet below.
ReplyAt least until my obligatory shit-for-brains second in command makes a terrible pun, to which I then proceed to pull a Knightfall on his sorry ass.
All of these sound delightful. I pick number two, for I feel that will have suitable garage space for my tyrannorobot. (tyrannosaurus + robot).
ReplyCyborg?
Just how do you know there's not already an evil plot afoot in the tunnels of Metro 2? All you've yet determined is that it could not exist any harder. (Brilliant line, by the by.) Perhaps there's a good reason why only a handful of pictures and schematics exist at all.
ReplyThe sea forts - Better locale for MGS2 than the oil rig.
ReplyI have the Flakturm within driving distance. First come I guess?
ReplyCracked isn't really helping me with my megalomania.
ReplyDon't worry Master! Us henchmen will provide the calming elixir whenever you start taunting thunderstorms again.
dibs on #1 as a location for a huge rave. that spotlight sure needs a blacklight bulb.
ReplyNumber 2 is my pick, anti air craft guns at the top all the way around, machine gun nests every 50 feet in various positioning. A PA system blaring out propaganda and a cool Cobra Commander snake logo etched going spiral all the way up to a hooded cobra overlooking the local city and I'm there!
ReplyAll of these places scare the hell outta me.
Reply#5 is widely renowned on the internet as the "zombie-proof fortress".
ReplyDude, zombies could just clime up the damn thing and be at your sweet juicy brains before you knew what hit you. You didn't know zombies could climb? Have you never seen Billy Idol's Dancing With Myself video!!!???
Oh s**t bro, on #2 how can those people just casually play soccer or something next to that thing. I would flip out...
Replywhy? its a building... just dont go inside... i dont get it