6 People Who Turned the Tables on Government Surveillance
Call us old-fashioned, but if you're going to go through the trouble of spying on your enemy, you might as well do your homework: buy some good equipment, get a background check, borrow a trench coat, etc. What you don't want to do is half-ass something that can end up getting you and your country into a heap of trouble. After all, it's a fine line between being a badass spy and being a wacky bumbling spy character played by Kevin James.
#6. The CIA Can't Tell the Difference Between Lesbians and Dog Lovers
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Let us tell you about the time the CIA got involved in a slapstick misunderstanding that would have been considered too goofy for an episode of Frasier.
The whole ridiculous thing started when, in the 1990s, the CIA wound up spying (in a roundabout way) on one of America's own ambassadors. That's not the misunderstanding -- they were doing that on purpose. What, you thought the CIA only spied on enemies? Foreign affairs are more complicated than that, we're afraid.
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"She's on to us! Pretend you're stargazing."
At the time, there was a civil war in Guatemala. The U.S. was backing the government, and that government did some pretty awful things (during the war, 200,000 people were killed, and over 40,000 disappeared). However, America's ambassador to Guatemala, Marilyn McAfee, was pretty free about criticizing said government. The government that was backed by the CIA.
So, at one point a Guatemalan colonel ordered the Guatemalan Intelligence Service (GIS) to bug McAfee's office in the hope of digging up some dirt on her that he could then use to curry favor with his CIA handler. And he got his dirt: evidence that the married McAfee was having a lesbian affair. At one point they heard her say, "Oh, Murphy ... I love you. Give me some kisses. You're such a bad girl ..." Note that that McAfee's secretary was a lady named Carol Murphy. Busted!
Via Embassyofafghanistan.org
When you scissor out of wedlock, you scissor the American flag in half.
The colonel relayed the evidence of this scandalous situation to his friends at the CIA. The agency began deeply investigating McAfee's life, recording a detailed log of both McAfee and Murphy's movements. The CIA station chief then confronted McAfee about it, and she was confused, to say the least.
See, in the course of their investigation, the CIA happened to somehow miss certain other details about McAfee's life, like how she owned a small poodle that was also named Murphy.
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God, no, you disgusting freak! Wait, she was just ... Oooooohhh, OK.
Yep, what the Guatemalans and CIA believed was evidence of a hot lesbian affair was a recording of McAfee petting her dog.
#5. Student Finds GPS Device on Car, FBI Demands It Back
Imagine you take your car to the shop for an oil change. As the car is raised, you notice an odd wire sticking out from the bottom. Upon closer inspection, you see it is part of a device attached to your car, a device that includes a big metal tube-shaped container and transmitter. That's weird. Do you:
A. Shit your pants because you think it's a pipe bomb.
B. Ask the mechanic to pull it off your car, then take pictures and upload them to Reddit asking for advice.
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"Sorry, officer, but this is one of those rare 'you wish' moments."
If you're 20-year-old American college student Yasir Afifi, you choose B. Which was a brave choice, considering his deceased father was a Muslim community leader, he logs a lot of flight time making frequent trips to the Middle East and his stoned-off-their-asses friends thought it was a bomb for sure. Try picturing the cast of Half-Baked as you read the Reddit post and you get a sense of how bizarre the situation seemed. By the way, this was what they were looking at:
Via Reddit
"I've seen one in my mom's underwear drawer. Does that mean she's being tracked, too?"
Within a very short amount of time, the world's most trustworthy source of information (aka Internet users) identified the gizmo as a Guardian ST820, a tracking device sold exclusively to law enforcement agencies. And if you're wondering, yes, law enforcement agencies could, at the time, legally implant tracking devices without a warrant. But more on that in a moment.
So in October 2010, Yasir Afifi had some kind of GPS gizmo on his hands -- one that he knew was placed there by someone in some kind of authority. He did what any 20-year-old college student would do -- he considered selling it on Craigslist. But before he got the chance, he was confronted with half a dozen FBI agents at his apartment complex. They wanted their GPS tracker back, please.
Via Reddit
"Trust me, you wouldn't want it back if you knew where it's been."
Without even a hint of embarrassment at their own incompetence, the agents indicated that Afifi had been under surveillance for three to six months, and that they knew he had a new job and that he was going to Dubai in a few weeks. Then they asked a gaggle of questions -- did he know anyone who was traveling to Yemen, was he friends with anybody undergoing military training, was the friend who posted the pictures on Reddit a straight up terrorist? And then they giggled and told him he didn't need to call his lawyer, saying "Don't worry, you're boring." Case closed!
Two side notes: One, Yasir Afifi hooked himself right up with the ACLU and sued the federal government over the whole ordeal. And two, in January 2012 the Supreme Court ruled (in a different case) that, yes, from now on police need a warrant before placing a tracking device on a suspect.
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"That's strange. According to this, he's just been sitting on the side of the highway for six days."
#4. Operation Igloo White
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Let's play a game. Imagine that we're Cracked.com and you're the leader in charge of American forces in South Vietnam during the Vietnam War. (We never said it would be a fun game.)
Here's your problem: The enemy army in North Vietnam is trucking supplies and soldiers into South Vietnam via a road called the Ho Chi Minh Trail. And this "road" isn't an asphalt highway featuring access roads and exit ramps where you can easily set up a roadblock to thwart Charlie. It runs through the jungles of Laos, Cambodia and both Vietnams, and by 1973 the entire road was under canopy. Meaning whole convoys of commies could get from one end to the other without detection from the air. So, you're in charge of stopping them. What are you going to do about it?
Sabotage, baby.
If you're Secretary of State Robert S. McNamara, you're going to get $1.7 billion worth of electronic sensors up in that shit. During Operation Igloo White, over 20,000 acoustic and seismic sensors were airdropped along the road and monitored by orbiting aircraft 24 hours a day. When the sensors detected a target, an alarm would be triggered at headquarters and planes would be given the coordinates, and then they'd level the area with bombs. There is no way this could ever possibly go wrong. And in fact the operation reported destroying 35,000 North Vietnamese trucks! Good job, guys!
Except not exactly. The results seemed a little too good -- for instance, the Air Force's own numbers estimated there weren't that many trucks in North Vietnam, period, much less clogging the path of the Ho Chi Minh Trail. And there was scant evidence of the aftermath of all of these successfully bombed targets. So what was the deal?
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"We're just gonna go ahead and round this one up to 35,000 and call it a day."
The deal was that the North Vietnamese weren't idiots. They discovered the sensors, messed with them to make them go off and ran away giggling while the Americans scrambled to bomb that spot. Specifically, the enemy soldiers were playing tape recorded truck noises or driving empty vehicles along the road as decoys. Some of the sensors were designed to detect bodies, like through sweat or urine, so the Vietnamese just threw bags of pee around to confuse them.
It worked. Oh, and it didn't help that the sensors couldn't tell the difference between a commie soldier and, say, a frog.
Guess how long it took the Americans to figure out their sensors were recording frog croaks, decoy trucks, urine bags and vacationing noncombatant Vietnamese people? Five years. And $1.7 billion.
#4(Operation Igloo White)
ReplyI always wondered how a superpower like the USA could lose the war in Vietnam, now I am beginning to see why.
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THAT DOESN'T RHYME
The prosthetic leg case reminded me of the time(s) I passed the driving license eye exam in NY by wearing contact lenses. Not that I could really drive without them, but I prefered not to have it noted on my license. And they never asked.
ReplyYes, it's exactly the same situation.
#1 is pretty much the standard anti-terror method in the U.S. these days, and while it's great that one time it backfired, normally they manage to find one person crazy enough (or desperate for money, since their plants often offer to pay people to commit terror) to go along with it.
ReplyMeanwhile, actual terrorists like the times square bomber escape notice.
In the government's defense, it is kind of odd that the secretary had the same name as the dog. Then again, some people have thought I have a daughter because my chihuahua's name is "Katie", and I talk about her like she is a person.
Replythat terrorist picture is funny... what is he doing? hes got half assembled pistols and some shotgun shells and ... cocaine?
Reply"Remember, kids, you can't 'blow up' without 'blow'!"
Apart from demonstrating how incredibly corrupt the U.S. government is, #6 also demonstrates one problem with eavesdropping as a whole; it's remarkably prone to causing one to get the wrong impression.
ReplyBut then they all get along and learn the value of friendship
What a badass terrorist on the last pic: 3 different guns, and so much ammo you could win several local wars with... but can not load them in any of your weapons.
Replyah, #5 reminds me of the fun times a leftwig activist tried to sell a tracking device installed on his car by the Bundeskriminalamt (Federal Criminal Police Office of Germany) on ebay in 2007.
ReplyLOOK OUT! HE'S GOT AN OFF CENTER WIG!
If it was me, I'd attach it to some other vehicle. An out-of-state semi ("Where's he going?"), a boat ("How is that even...?"), or an aircraft ("???").
Why are there no articles making fun of the real Islam on Cracked? Trust me, there's a bunch of stuff to make fun of in there. Oh no, you guys have no guts to do that. Let's all make fun of the government instead!
Reply Hide All See All 7 RepliesRacism and religious persecution is hilarious!
If there's so much humor to mine from the topic of Islam, why don't you write the article since you think you have the guts? Otherwise, stfu.
They still believe in a primitive tribal sky god. Honestly, that's why it's so hard for Cracked to mock any religion... to top "still believes in Santa" a religion needs to go the extra mile and start, like, putting aliens in there or something.
And that is why we mock scientology.
I actually did see an old article like that on here about a year and a half ago. Reading it made me want to apologize to random brown people for no reason.
This guy's another government plant!!
We have all kind of make fun of and joke with Jesus articles, still waiting on those style articles on mohammed.
"In 2003, Police Constable Mark Kennedy started working with the National Public Order Intelligence Unit as an undercover mole tasked with the job of deeply penetrating protest groups..."
ReplyI see what you did there.
Is it me, or is the banana in #4 smiling?
ReplyThat last one is stupid enough to be made into a racist comedy movie.
ReplyRob Schneider is... The Sand Man!
ಠ__ಠ
Rated PG-13.
"Tell it to the frogs..."
ReplyWhat? Lesbian? No way, I'm a perfectly normal, well-adjusted professional who talks to my dog, which I keep in my office all day. Also the dog is named after my secretary.
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWell... this is awkward.
you would think they would've noticed the dog barking in the recordings
Some dogs just aren't much for barking. Mighta been well trained.
Maybe they heard the barking, and were like "Damn, that's kinky..."
Hey anybody on here a terrorist? I thought maybe we could hook up and do some terrorism some time
Reply Hide All See All 4 RepliesWell...I do a nice impression of the "V for Vendetta" guy...
My place or yours, good buddy? *calls the feds*
Ooo, yes, I love doing me some terrorism, lets make with the terrorismizominginginginging....ing...ness...ing.
terrorism is code for lesbian sex, yes? This is what I am given to understand. Please tell me all about the terrorism you do to your lesbian lovers.
And stop barking, that's just disturbing.
i don't find the idea of having people scope out mosques to be racist. there are black muslims, white muslims, asian ones, so its not a race thing. the fact is some muslims are terrorists, or rather that the vast majority of terror attacks in America are carried out by muslims nowadays. we infiltrate militia groups the same way. if Orthodox Jews or Presbyterians were largely responsible for the suicide bombings or whatnot i'd say we should scope them out too.
Reply Hide All See All 6 Repliessuicide bombings in america? "vast majority of terror attacks"? stay in your shell please
Why don't we spy on you and your loser friends, d*****t, and see how YOU like it?
I'd like to see a bunch of Protestants go on a bombing spree and see what happens. Are we going to start infiltrating churches and accusing Protestant politicians (ie: many, many of them) of being terrorist spies?
As we all know, the best reaction to religious extremism is to make ourselves look even more like douchebags to the moderates.
i agree with you when was the last time you heard a news story about a radical catholic suicide bombing or a radical athiest suiside bombing i am by no means a genius but i do believe that their is a correlation between RADICAL islam and terrorism orthodox islam does not regardless of politically correct sensibilities i am not Sectarianist (the correct term for religious based prejudist) and i have several muslim friends and they agree with me on this subject
Does Tim McVeigh sound familiar?
Actually, more terror attacks are carried out by Christian fundamentalists than Islamic ones.
You're right though, while it is bigoted, it's not racist.
Re #2 not only did that guy help plan actions against power stations etc there is some confusion over whether or not some of the actions were actually his IDEA - so he was actually inciting other people to commit crimes and in some cases giving them the knowledge to do so. They might not have been able to go through with some protests without his info. As for him having sex with activists while undercover - there is some question about whether that actually constituted rape. AND he fathered at least one child with a woman he had a relationship with. It was all highly unethical, unprofessional, illegal and a giant fuck-up on an international scale.
ReplyIf lying to get sex is rape, then 80% of the world's population should be in jail.
Hm, i think i've heard a bit about that british undercover for a while in danish media.. I think the Danish Police "borrowed" him some years ago to infiltrate some anarchist(ish) group who resisted to be evicted from a building they so far had been allowed to use for free by the city of Copenhagen. It escalated into some pretty crazy riotings in the streets, and later they boarded up their building, made a lot of traps for when the police would try to storm it, and stacked it with a lot of improvised weapons.
ReplyAnd that british undercover fella was inside the house and set text message to the police outside, with information where the traps were, the easiest/safest routes of entry and stuff. He was also recognized at the COP15 demonstrations in Copenhagen as well.
As i understood it, he could just no longer cope with the undercover life in the end - all the deceiving etc. became too much and he decided to quit..
Wait, you get busted for driving without insurance in the US? That is crazy.
ReplyMost of the developed world, I do believe.
Mostly because jerks in POS cars without insurance wouldn't pay attention to what they were doing on the road, total other people's cars, and then sail off into the sunset leaving said other people's insurance rates to skyrocket because their carriers have to pay for everything.
Yes, I know real situation wasn't quite like that, but that's the justification they used for passing the mandatory car insurance law.