#3. Wherever the World's Largest Skateboard Rolls Next
That's not a Photoshop by somebody who loves giant vehicles and/or tiny children: That's the World's Largest Skateboard. Unlike a lot of Guinness World Record props, this thing wasn't shelved somewhere after the record; it's still touring the country, and it can be enjoyed by everyone from overgrown children to toddlers with dangerously irresponsible parents.
Here we see the skateboard in its natural environment: Douchebag Boulevard.
The skateboard was designed and built by Joe Ciaglia and Rob Dyrdek, who took the project very seriously. How seriously? Well, we meant it when we said that wasn't just another Guinness Records prop, because it's not a prop at all. This right here is a fully functional skateboard, 36 feet and 7 inches long, 8 feet and 8 inches wide and 3 feet and 7.5 inches high that you can and, if God is truly good, will one day ride:
All the danger of skateboarding, and all the smells of public transit.
Alhough, as documented below, the board is a bit of a monster, and riding it is kind of like trying to steer a semi-truck by leaning on the roof. But hey, what skateboard experience would be complete without somebody doing something they shouldn't and damn near getting killed for it?
Hey, when God wants to play, you better well let him play.
#2. The San Alfonso del Mar Resort
Pools are instant backyard vacations. If you had a friend with a pool as a kid, it is very possible that the pool was the only reason he was a friend. A lot of character flaws have been forgiven thanks to a liberal application of diving board. And the good people at the San Alfonso del Mar resort in Chile understand that: They're sorry they built it right next to the ocean, and they're sorry they had to put a stupid hotel all up in its business, but that doesn't change the fact that they own the world's largest swimming pool.
Reuters / Daily Mail
Just imagine all the pee that this thing can hide.
How large is that, exactly? It's "more than 1,000 yards long, covers 20 acres, holds 66 million gallons of water and has a 115-foot deep end."
To figure out how insane that is, here's a handy Cracked chart.
We all understand that the fun of a pool is directly proportional to its deep end: Who hasn't felt the sting of a building poolgasm, only to have it thwarted at the last second by the "4 ft." label mocking us from the so-called "deep end." But 115 feet almost seems like too much. Who could even dive that far? You'd need a damn submarine to even see the bottom, so it's pretty lucky that they totally have a submarine in their pool.
Its torpedoes have been the trump card in many a water gun fight.
As you can see from the picture, the world's largest pool has its own inflatable rafts, kayaks, small boats and oh, God, yes, trampolines!!!
"Marco! ... MARCO! MAR- ah, screw it, he's probably drowned."
OK, bear with us, because we're not even sure how this would work in theory, but what if you could bounce that submarine right off that trampoline and into the open ocean? Would that be cool? Do you double dog dare us to try? Because if you did, then we'd have to.
#1. (Captain) Zach's Bedroom
We checked his plunder, but it was just picked-off scabs and baby teeth.
This is at once the best and worst entry in this article. It's the best because, holy crap, imagine being a kid and living in a pirate ship! And it's the worst because that kid is not you. Unlike the rest of these places, you probably can't visit this particular Wonder of the Childhood World, unless you're prepared for some stalking and/or child endangerment charges. But let's focus on the good, shall we?
His closet is accessed by rope bridge. Mothers, take note: That's how you get a kid to hang up his coat.
Zach's father turned his son's bedroom into a pirate ship because, sadly, he missed out on much of his own childhood, and he wanted to make sure that Zach didn't wind up in the same -- wait for it -- boat. But make no mistake, Zach's father isn't foisting his own dreams off on the kid here. Zach was given a choice of any theme -- from space to race cars -- and he chose to focus on his own burgeoning maritime criminal career. So once the theme was settled, Zach's dad hired designer Steve Kuhl to execute the single most awesome bedroom any self-respecting boy in the post-Goonies era could ask for:
And if you put our vegetables in the crow's nest, we'll eat those bastards, too.
Because no good pirate story is complete without at least one secret passage, Captain Zach's bedroom also comes with a seemingly ordinary locker that opens into a Tube Slide Room. You read correctly: A whole room, just for a tube slide. It even comes with a motion-controlled light that flips on from deep within the slide itself ...
Asked whether he actually had a child, this guy replied: "WHEEEEE."
You know, just in case there's some dead-inside child who needs any kind of encouragement to take a strange slide to an unknown destination.
Jacopo della Quercia is the author of "Go @#$% Yourself!" - An Ungentlemanly Disagreement, by Filippo Argenti and "The Sound of Laughter" in Wordplague's The Four Humors.
For more places that bring out our inner child, check out 5 Amazing Abandoned Wastelands ... Within Walking Distance and 6 Fictional Places You Didn't Know Actually Existed.