4 Evolutionary Explanations for Modern Annoyances

#2. Your Married Guy Friends Are Boring

If pop culture is to be believed, the bachelor party has evolved. A generation ago it represented the final opportunity for a man to sow his oats. Now it's a weekend of dude activities centered more on male bonding than on women. The bachelor party is no longer about sex. It's a going-away party. The unacknowledged in all this is that the friend you had when he was single will not be the same friend when he is married.

"It's weird. For some reason, I hate beer pong and fight clubbing now."

A team of Michigan State researchers led by S. Alexandra Burt revealed that nice guys who don't exhibit antisocial (bad) behavior tend to marry more often than their wilder counterparts. On top of that, marriage reduces bad behavior.

Burt said it is unlikely that marriage inhibits antisocial behavior directly. She believes marriage leads to better social bonding and less time spent with idiot friends (my words, not hers). Another factor that seems important is marriage quality. Better marriages produce less antisocial behavior. This is why Fire Steve no longer sets things on fire with you in the woods since he got married.

He sets things in the city on fire sometimes, but you can tell his heart isn't in it.

#1. Almost Every Song You Like Is About Sex

Why is there no good music on the radio? There are many reasons. Here's one you might not have thought of. Every song on the radio is about the same thing.

Friday night and liquor-based oral hygiene, if we've been listening to the right stuff.

Research by University at Albany evolutionary psychologist Gordon Gallup and his student Dawn Hobbs shows that most popular songs are about getting it on (my words, not theirs). The study found that "Approximately 92 percent of the 174 songs that made it into the Top Ten in 2009 contained one or more reproductive messages, with an average of 10.49 reproductive phrases per song ... the most popular/bestselling songs contained significantly more reproductive messages."

There's a reason he was the king of pop.

Why so many variations on the afternoon delight? Gallup writes, "Evolution is not about survival. It's about reproductive competition and the perpetuation of genes."

The lyrics are music to a gene's ears.

This is nothing new. An analysis of the lyrics of opera arias and art songs revealed many of the same reproductive messages extending back more than 400 years. A twisted variation of this phenomenon was explored in-depth in the excellent South Park Season 15 episode "Bro Down."

We want to attend the shit out of some opera right now.

For more much-needed explanations, check out 6 Slacker Behaviors That Science Says Are Good For You and 6 Obnoxious Old People Habits (Explained by Science).

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