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6 Insane Batman Villains You Won't See in the Movies

Batman has the greatest set of villains of any superhero, but not every character can be a Joker or a Two-Face. Or even a Penguin. It turns out that the only thing one needs to qualify as a member of Batman's rogue gallery is being insane and knowing how to sew a costume.

We all know that sooner or later, the Batman movies are going to run out of interesting villains to feature and will be forced to start scraping closer to the bottom of the barrel. Whoever they end up choosing, we hope it's not someone like ...

#6. The King of Cats

Batman #69 (1952)
His entire body is made of breasts. Just like a cat.

The King of Cats is possibly the creepiest Batman villain ever created, and not just because he looks like a date rapist stalking a furry convention. His real name is Karl Kyle -- as in Catwoman's deadbeat brother, who tries to get into her line of work after being fired from the local car wash (probably).

Oh, and he has a thing for his sister.

Batman #69 (1952)
Of the 20 things wrong with this picture, the most pressing is why that panther has the torso of a man.

In his one and only stellar appearance, the King of Cats is trying to get his then-reformed sister to go back to her villainous ways so that they can become partners in crime. Which is a major dick move, when you think about it -- that's like getting drunk in front of a recovering alcoholic and proposing running a bar together. Cementing his position as the biggest douchebag in comics is this:

Batman #69 (1952)
Is he oblivious to the fact that he's sitting right inside the cat's butt, or was he counting on that?

Throughout most of the issue, Batman and Robin are unaware that the King of Cats and the former Catwoman are brother and sister, leading them to believe -- rather disturbingly -- that he's actually trying to court her.

Batman #69 (1952)
"I say our kittens are probably going to have hideous genetic defects."

Meanwhile, Catwoman is reluctant to turn him in because they're related and all, which makes Batman think that the attraction is mutual. The whole comic reads like an awkward attempt to introduce kids to the concept of incest.

Batman #69 (1952)
Batman, in Detectiving Is So Hard, You Guys.

In the end, Catwoman manages to convince her brother to cut the crap, and he even promises to "take his medicine," and Batman and Robin are relieved to find out their true relationship. And by "relieved" we mean "disgusted and appalled."

Batman #69 (1952)
This is followed by five pages of vomiting.

#5. The Calculator

Detective Comics #463 (1976)
This picture pretty much sums him up.

The Calculator is a guy with an actual calculator strapped to his chest and an LED visor on his forehead. He is also what happens when a comic book writer is asked to come up with five new Batman villains before lunch and starts looking around the office for inspiration (he came from the same brainstorming session as "The Photocopier" and "The Discarded Sandwich Container").

His real talent? As the inventor of the world's first titty keyboard, the Calculator is exceptionally good at touch typing:

Detective Comics #463 (1976)
"Even though these are all, uh, letters."

The Calculator's powers were kind of ambiguous, possibly because pocket calculators were fairly recent inventions in the '70s and a lot of people didn't really know what they could and couldn't do. And by "a lot of people" we mean "the writer of this comic, apparently." For example, we're not sure why a guy with calculator-based powers can materialize a crane from his forehead display.

Detective Comics #468 (1977)
Oh, so that's what the key is for.

In his first appearance, the Calculator is presented as a guy who has come up with a system that will make him impervious to the powers of any superhero. The only downside is that his system involves first getting his ass kicked by each of those superheroes in order to "calculate" ways to defeat them in the future. So in order to avoid getting caught ... he has to get caught. Several times.

Detective Comics #463 (1976)
"But first, five to 10 years of continuous prison rape."

After intentionally losing to five different members of the Justice League, the Calculator has become virtually unstoppable. The ridiculous plan might have actually worked -- if he hadn't made the mistake of trying the same trick with Batman, who causes his circuits to overload out of sheer badassery.

Detective Comics #468 (1977)
"Guess I'll add you to jail ... no wait. That's you subtracted from -- goddamn. Your SINs are ... fuck you. Just ... fuck you."

The Calculator later ditched his stupid gimmick and became an information broker for supervillains; this latest incarnation of the character might actually work in the movies, as long as no one asks him why he called himself "Calculator" in the first place.

#4. Crazy Quilt

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)

Crazy Quilt is the Liberace of supervillain fashion -- flamboyant to the point of being unsettling. He was a renowned painter/gang leader until he was blinded by a rival gangster and his goons forced a doctor to operate on him. However, the doctor could only restore a bizarrely specific part of his vision:

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)
Turns out holding the doctor at gunpoint throughout the operation doesn't bring the best results.

Inspired by his disability, he adopts the name Crazy Quilt and starts committing color-themed crimes with the help of his incredibly supportive goons, who "paint the places [he's] marked for plunder with brilliant colors so [he] can spot them." As for why he chose to use that colorful garb -- turns out his entire motivation was being able to see himself in the mirror.

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)
"Chief, we ... we love you."

However, his triumphant return doesn't go as well as expected -- Crazy Quilt is ignored by the citizens he hoped to terrorize and lashes out against some helpless signs.

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)

But the depression doesn't last long, and Crazy Quilt soon comes back with a new plan -- he will steal all the color in Gotham City.

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)

Unfortunately, while testing the patience of his henchmen by attempting to steal the color from a TV transmission, Crazy Quilt happens to run into Robin, resulting in an epic clash of extravagant costumes. Eventually Robin figures out the (insane) reason behind Crazy Quilt's pointless crimes and confronts him:

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)
"Or I could just shoot you, but that would make too much sense."

Star Spangled Comics #123 (1951)
Even Jackson Pollock thought this guy was too wild.

The saddest part of the entire story? Batman doesn't even show up in it. Robin's like "No, it's OK, I've got this" and catches Crazy Quilt on his own. Adding to the humiliation is the fact that Robin is the only hero Crazy Quilt had an actual shot at defeating ... not just because he's like 12, but also because Robin's the only one he can actually see.

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