5 Simple Ideas That Could Make Travel (And Life) Way Easier
We always hear about how fast technology is moving. Your parents needed 18-wheel trucks and seven to 10 business days to move around the amount of media you can have on your phone in 15 minutes. But when it comes to moving people around, we're pretty much stuck exactly where we were back when we first figured out commercial air travel -- waiting in the same lines at the airport, honking at the same jerkoff in front of us in rush hour traffic. It's just one of those facts of life, right?
Actually, it doesn't have to be. We're sitting on some pretty revolutionary ways to greatly increase the speed at which we physically move from A to B. What's infuriating is that those breakthroughs are ridiculously simple stuff like ...
#5. A Better Way to Board a Plane
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It's easy to dislike air travel. Crappy food, nonexistent leg space, hurtling thousands of feet above earth without a firm understanding of how physics is keeping you from plummeting to a nightmarish death -- all unpleasant. But whether you're scared of flying or sitting comfortably in first class, the boarding process has an uncanny way of merging the collective internal monologue of everyone onboard into one harmonious "Fuck thiiiiiiiiiis." The stampede, the pileup. The motionless frustration as everyone tries to scramble for their seats with all the speed and grace of a tectonic plate. It's a miserable experience for anyone who doesn't love having their nose in a random sampling of khaki-clad butts and crotches.
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For every one of these there are 40 middle-aged male sales reps who smell like blue cheese.
If a better way to board a plane existed, the airlines would surely have jumped at the opportunity. Surely, they don't enjoy starting every takeoff with a cabin full of flustered, stressed-out passengers. Or maybe they do.
Computer simulations and real-world tests have shown that the current system of boarding -- back rows first -- is one of the worst possible ways to board a plane. It makes sense. Everyone is trying to use the same tiny bit of space to put their bags in the overhead compartment or get to their window seats. And since two people generally can't pass through each other, this causes areas of intense congestion where total strangers are forced to use eye contact and polite small talk to try to untangle complex knots of human movement.
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She eventually married the sweat patch to avoid shaming her family any further.
Even the "just get in and sit wherever" school of boarding practiced by some budget airlines is quicker and easier. It seems like that would be less efficient if you view humans as a bunch of automated windup toys. In practice, humans use their twin faculties of intelligence and aversion to dry humping strangers to make efficient seating decisions.
The best solution has been developed by one Dr. Jason Steffen, an Illinois astrophysicist. His method proposes that airlines should board the window seats first, then the middle seats, then the aisle seats, starting first with the even rows and then the odds. With people at the front and back of the plane boarding at the same time, everyone's able to spread out and focus on getting to their goddamn seat already. This YouTube video shows the method in action. The most noticeable thing is how easy it is for people to move around each other in the center aisle when everyone's not stuffing their luggage into the same overhead luggage compartment at the same moment. Instead, people who are far enough from each other to do jumping jacks are putting their luggage up at the same time.
Leaving you nothing to sniff except each others' fear and leaky engine oil.
Even more important is what you don't see in this version of the boarding process:
Unless it's a prison flight.
So how bad does science beat the airlines at human Tetris? Tests show the scientific method actually halves the boarding time. Imagine how much time that could have saved, how many crotches and butts that could have saved your face from, and then try not to punch something.
So why won't the airlines adopt Steffen's method, if it's so much better? This could be due to any number of things, such as people not being so keen on buying first class tickets if flying coach was so fluent. But the most reasonable explanation is they think the system is too complicated for people to understand.
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"Go left for first class, right for branding and slaughter."
Remember that the next time you're doing the sardine with a few hundred fellow passengers -- the people running the airline are choosing to sit on the system that would avoid all the hassle, because they think you're too dumb to deserve it.
#4. Make Yellow Lights One Second Longer
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What can be done in a second?
Generally, not much. It takes the fastest man in the world almost 10 of them just to run the 100-meter dash. Nothing meaningful can be achieved in one second. You'll survive longer with your head severed.
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"Finally, some me time."
Against this background, a plan to make yellow lights one second longer doesn't sound exactly revolutionary. But what if we told you it might go a long way toward keeping your head from getting severed -- by an incoming semi, no less?
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BAM! Segue whiplash!
You see, the problem is that intersections are very confusing. With all that turning, it can get really difficult to know where you are going, let alone to avoid collisions with other equally confused people. This is where the yellow lights come in. They're often so short that you don't even get a fraction of a second between red light and being aggressively honked at by everyone behind you. So you rush into the traffic without having assessed the situation properly -- and BAM! Semi.
According to a 2004 Texas Transportation Institute study, a mere extra second in a situation like this would reduce collisions by a very respectable average of 40 percent. It works both ways, too. Going from red to green, the extra yellow second gives us more time to figure out the intersection and observe roadside hazards. Going from green to red, it gives us more reaction time and thus reduces the running of red lights.
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"Yes! Another victory, another delay on the road to suicide."
Hey, wait a second. If a measly second can really make that much difference, why do most traffic lights still feature yellow lights quicker than a roadrunner on speed? If a fix is this easy, wouldn't it be in everyone's best interest to implement it ASAP?
Well, no. Turns out, keeping yellow lights short and sweet equals big time dough. For cities using red light cameras, drivers running the lights represent a fairly substantial chunk of revenue. In Dallas, for instance, the cameras have been known to raise $700,000 in fines ... within a few months. For this reason, yellow traffic lights in such cities actually tend to be quietly calibrated even quicker than usual.
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"Body-strewn highways may seem inconvenient, but they actually act as pretty effective speed bumps."
#3. Get Rid of Left Turns
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It turns out Derek Zoolander isn't the only one who can only turn right. Left turns account for most of the 2.4 million accidents that happen each year at intersections. That's not entirely surprising for anyone who's ever sat through an entire cycle of green lights waiting for the best time to lunge left. But unless you're a traffic engineer, you probably don't realize just how much left turns screw with our daily commute and general safety.
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"We've lived our whole lives in here. Dad says our next holiday will be in the trunk."
They're such a statistical problem that UPS programmed their trucks' routes and navigation software to never make them. Not only did it make the routes safer, it actually saved the company enough time to deliver an additional 325,000 packages the first year they put the policy in place. Yes, going out of their way to avoid left turns actually saved them time.
OK, but what about those of us who aren't couriered about by a fleet of delivery trucks? Sometimes the place we're going is on the other side of the stream of cars speeding past our left shoulder, and there's no way around it.
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"I'M A TANK, I'M A TANK, GET OUT MY WAY, I'M A TANK."
That's why traffic engineers have been taking the unorthodox step of trying to eliminate the left turn by redesigning the way roads intersect with one another. They've tried loop-based designs like the Michigan Left and New Jersey Jughandle, which failed to catch on as anything other than names for regional sexual maneuvers. They even tried something that looks like it would require a team of air traffic controllers. But when it comes to all-right-turn intersections, nobody's been able to beat the European free-for-all known as the roundabout.
Of course, such laissez-faire intersections might work in Europe, where conflict avoidance is the only thing they take more seriously than soccer. Here in America, we have things called rules, and something called technology, and the Ghostbusters, who taught us that if something is deadly, you throw electricity at it until it begs for mercy.
Uggboy
Nice try, oncoming traffic.
Actually, American intersections that got rid of left turns by converting traffic lights and four-way stops into roundabouts became almost twice as safe and efficient. A 2005 study found that roundabouts reduced rush hour delays over left-turn-reliant intersections by up to 93 percent, and congestion by up to 83 percent. A 2000 study that focused on safety saw a 38 percent reduction in total crash rates and a massive 90 percent reduction in crashes that resulted in either life-threatening or fatal injuries. The reason for this drop is quite simple: By using a roundabout, there are fewer directions from which you can get hit by a fellow driver, because all the cars are going the same way. It may feel more stressful, but your stress is focused on the one thing that matters (hint, it's not the text you're writing to a friend while waiting for the light to turn). There's also the fact that roundabouts require you to slow down, as opposed to yellow lights, which require you to speed up to get through them before your license plate gets photographed.
Unfortunately, roundabouts are more stressful than being told what to do by blinking lights. This makes them extremely unpopular with Americans who aren't politicians looking for something to scream about. Drivers usually come around once they're in place, and saving everyone time and money (by reducing your reliance on the brakes, they can also reduce annual fuel consumption at the intersection by more than 20,000 gallons).
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And you can use the money you'll save to drink away the stress of driving!
American drivers can expect to see more of them just as soon as traffic engineers are able to wrestle budget control from the cold dead hands of the people who need to get reelected.
Really expected some mention of the PRT systems or that Canadian 15+/skywalk. Still, fun stuff, especially the last one, which made me die~
ReplyI think the main problem with that plane-boarding plan would be families. Families with children would no doubt all board together, no matter what their seating plan, and then those traveling on their own would likely get their panties in a bunch by the fact that they have to wait while toddlers decide who gets the window seat.
ReplyWhat the f**k is wrong with the stock photo you used to illustrate a prison flight?! Who created that stock photo and *for what purpose*?!
Replyi may have screwed up, hopefully 5 similar comments wont suddenly show up from me. if so, forgive, please
ReplyWaaaiiit, waiit, wait...There are no roundabouts in the U.S.? At all? Really? I didn't know there was ANY country without roundabouts, much less the U.S. Is it a matter of urban planning? Are circular plazas thought to be a blight on a modern cityscape? What?
Reply Hide All See All 8 RepliesI've seen a few in big cities, but they are extremely rare.
Portland, OR and Minneapolis have a few of them. It feels a little weird at first using a roundabout where there was previously traffic lights, but you get used to it pretty quickly. They really are more efficient, although the locals still b***h about 'em.
Minneapolis and Portland, Or have them. They really are more efficient, although the locals still like to b***h about 'em
There used to be no round abouts what so over in my city but now they are spreading like wild fire.
Lots in Massachusetts. There's one in Concord that works particularly well.
Though here in DC, there are also quite a few, but they don't work properly because some idiot decided that people couldn't handle a real rotary and so there are traffic lights throughout it. Completely defeating the purpose.
There are TONS of them in Jersey and at least a few I know of in the Midwest (Mostly near Chicago). When not placed in an area that screws people (ie right next to a school so 1/2 the roundabout is stopped cars) they are pretty effective.
I'm in Nashua, NH, USA, and we added one to the northern part of the city because of the jam every morning in front of the high school. Smaller cities around here have them too.
I've seen a few smaller ones around suburbs in PA and NY. They do seem like a good idea, but drivers are occasionally all "whaaa? A circle? How I drive this?"
Though I guess that happens anywhere on the road.
I don´t get why everyone assumes Europe is crap, ive lived in and been to many European countries and not only are they more clean and modern than America, but they all have yellow lights that last for about 2 seconds. Cars in Europe have to have checks as many as every year in some countries, just to be considered road legal.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesand as someone already mentioned, how insanely hard it is to get a drivers license in some European countries, especially Germany and the UK.
cars have to get checked every year here too. They're called inspections. More clean and modern in what way? Pretentiousness? arrogance? Dickheadedness? Because you convey all 3 of those. So, naturally, every European must be just like you.
Some of those reasons are why some of us don't appreciate Europe in general. There are also many other issues to look at, and depending on where you fall on those, Europe can be the best place in the world, or some place you wouldn't touch with a 10-yard pole.
-DH
It's not everyone, just Americans. They can't really help it, though, since they all mistakenly believe their country to be vastly superior. Despite global statistical evidence.
I live in colombia,a place where road signals are pretty much non existent, and the only ones that exist are ignored, and its pretty much impossible to drive without getting crashed, lots of car accidents, people does not stop where there are stop sings, drivers driving at 110 km/h there the sing says 30 its the limit, sooo ... yeah, i don't think getting rid of them is a really good idea, or would change anything at all for the good.
ReplyWell, if people are already retarded, then obviously it's not going to help to trust people not to be morons. In places that don't suck, however, most people can be trusted not to have a death wish.
It all depends on the culture I guess. What you grow up around. And I don't think Colombia is the best place to grow up, so the driving may reflect that. haha
The airplane boarding method still has a ridiculously serious problem - if you're boarding as a family with young kids, you need to be able to board as a group in an entire row or two, rather than doing it in a column-by-column method. Then again, I suppose having children accompany their parents whilst boarding is unlikely to screw up the system too much, so it's still interesting to consider how this would actually work in a real-life situation (assuming that people are able to easily pick it up).
ReplyEnjoyed the article agree with most of it.
ReplyBut, you can't mention the Autobahn without also mentioning how difficult and expensive it is to get a drivers licence in Germany and the general unwritten rules that people abide by (allowing faster cars to pass safely instead of dickishly merging infront of you doing 10 under the limit)
Wait, wait... from what I read about number 3, Americans are too retarded for roundabouts? Geez, I'm surprised you can even pronounce that word the first time I heard it I was real little and thought it's what you call a "Merry-go-round", since the same principle that your people are too retarded to do complex things (like use a roundabout) they are also too retarded to use words that do NOT sound like children's candy. Before this article I didn't even know roundabouts were rare in America. The way you put it... they are "stressful"? Are your people real f*****g morons? So going in a circle is re-e-e-e-eal stress for you? Next time you wonder why some foreigner is insulting American people's intelligence - recall this fact "Going in a circle for Americans is HARD." if they are ever implemented in the USA they will probably have to have mandatory signs that read "ATTENTION!!! COMPLEX BRAIN ACTIVITY REQUIRED!!! People who are not engineers should not attempt this difficult roadz!!".
Reply Hide All See All 6 RepliesNow that I think about it it makes sense there are no roundabouts in the USA, while they are common in Europe. Progress always was an European trait.
Well, you certainly get the 1/21/12 Giant Obnoxious Douchebag Award.
"Progress always was an European trait."
"an European"
Couldnt agree with you more. they installed a round a bout in Florida one time and after just 2 days they had to shut it down cause of how many pile ups were caused. It was on the TV a few years ago. so yes it is true that Americans are too dumb for round a bouts, but you could also argue that they are just not used to it after growing up not using it.
And can I say, after recently relocating to Canada. JESUS CHRIST, after using round a bouts my whole life, and road signs and markings that make sense, suddenly you come here and its like, yeah you just go whenever you can if the green light is flashing etc. and youre saying round a bouts are dangerous? most round a bouts have traffic lights attatched to help people filter... its hardly rocket science.
Maybe all you "progressive" Europeans can go back to killing Jews or getting killed by Nazis.
@Candrian: Because subjugating blacks, Latinos, and Middle Easterners is so much better, right? The comments section of this site alone continually reminds me of why I hate America; because the vast majority of you are stupid.
@OmegaMan420: Americans on average are just 2 IQ points lower than the UK. Don't single out America; it's the world. Also, there are tons of "roundabouts" or rotaries here. The author just apparently hasn't seen many.
There is no yellow light between red and green.
ReplyThere is for the people going across the intersection in the other direction, so that they can stop before T-boning your car.
Maybe air traffic controllers in New York played too much Doom.
ReplyWhen I was a kid a flight my family was on had to drop a few hundred feet or so in a few seconds to avoid a midair collision with another plane. I still wonder how two planes headed towards each other at the same altitude went unnoticed until we were both over Lake Okeechobee, but eh.
ReplyI just was in Europe and was trying to deal with the greatly increased number of roundabouts. Those benefits do not outweigh the level of stress I had to deal with.
ReplyIn Europe we learn to deal with them much earlier, I can understand how they'd seem pretty intimidating the first few times.
They are a pain in the neck at night in a poorly lit area, hard to figure out which lane you're supposed to be in, but otherwise I like them. You can see what is coming more easily.
"Hey kids, Big Ben, Parliament!"
ReplyInfrastructure should be upgraded and that's it!
ReplyAmericans don't like 'round-a-bouts' simply because the word is unbelievably gay. And the solution to air travel problems is to kill all the m*slims.
ReplyWhen did trolling become so obvious and unintelligent?
Actually a round-a-bout is the equipment in a childs play park where they sit or stand on it and spin round and round. it is an English word (although Americans apparently can´t understand their own langauge spoken by other nations) so yes it does make perfect sense to call it that.
and as for gay words, just grow up. Go watch some soccer and listen to all the innuendo filled commentating cause I´m sure its your kind of humour.
For LA #3 would be a godsend.
Reply...My entire life, I thought planes ROUTINELY flew above and below each other...
ReplyNow I know why I always see tourists freaking out when they see the 6 way roundabout of the Place de l'Etoile in Paris.
ReplyProbably just freaking out cause they are in france... who the hell except americans would be dumb enough to think that an immigrant crime spree city like paris would be a good place to visit.