4Santa Claus (1959): Santa Is Your God Now
This movie features Santa Claus.
This Santa Claus:
Of course he bites.
This particular Santa has a unique spin on the whole "saint of charity" thing: He's fired all of the elves, started kidnapping children from all over the world and is taking them to his palace in space (yes, space), where they must manufacture Santa's toys against their will. There they subsist solely on cake and ice cream -- probably in order to make sure they never have the strength to start a rebellion against Der Space Kringle -- while the narrator tries to reassure the viewers that the children just volunteer each year to give the old man some help with his toys. But then why do the kids have lines that make it painfully obvious they haven't set foot on Earth since they were infants? Lines like, "What food do they eat on Earth, Santa Claus?"
"... because it sure is hard to build ALL THESE GUNS without any vitamins."
Also of note: Santa segregates the children by race and outfits them in uniforms that range from kind of racist to blatantly racist to holy shit, that's way too racist.
Ironically, the scale of racist used to be color-coded.
This movie's version of Santa Claus depicts the jolly old elf as an omniscient being who spies all with his observatory. He can even peer into your dreams by use of his "Dreamscope." And since it's not specified, we're forced to assume that, yes, he can even see the wet ones. Actually, looking at that picture of him again, we're forced to assume he can especially see the wet ones.
"He sees you when you're cli-max-ing/so stop screaming 'cause it ruins the mood."
Santa's nemesis in this flick isn't "selfishness" or "depression." No, that monster Claus up there would make short work of your Lesser Grinches and your Greater Scrooges. In this movie, Santa is fighting Satan himself. Yes, the actual, literal devil, and his minion, Pitch, Chief of All Demons. You see, every Christmas, Pitch is charged with the task of causing chaos in the name of Lucifer, but is apparently routinely foiled by Santa and his bumbling wizard companion, Merlin.
"I guess between Santa and Satan I would choose you as my new God."
So to recap, this world's Santa is a kidnapping, slave-owning racist tyrant who rules with godlike power from his space palace, but it's OK, because every year he joins forces with Merlin to battle the Prince of Lies and his demon armies into submission.
3The Year Without a Santa Claus
The Year Without a Santa Claus is a claymation movie about a crew of elves and children trying to convince a sick Santa to get off his lazy ass and work instead of just canceling Christmas because he's got the sniffles. The only way to do this is to convince the quarreling Miser brothers, who control the world's weather, to put aside their feud and allow it to snow in the South. They very reluctantly agree to work together for one day, it's a Christmas miracle, Santa is cured and the credits roll while good feelings and eggnog whiskey pour into your soul and mouth, respectively.
Freebase a mince pie; save a fat child.
The Miser brothers are, between them, the complete masters of the entire planet's weather. The Snow Miser controls the North and supplies it with cold, while his brother, the Heat Miser, controls the South and the warmth. But they're not benevolent forces: Santa and Mrs. Claus are terrified of anyone entering the Miser brothers' realm. When two of their elves may have done just that, Santa hurries out the door to find them before "the Snow Miser freezes them just for the fun of it or the Heat Miser puts the heat on them." These murderous, gleefully torturous monsters literally control the air you breathe, and they hate each other. Living in this world would be like living in a house with Crips on one side and Bloods on the other, but only if both gangs suddenly harnessed Storm-like mutant weather-control powers.
Sure, Mrs. Claus eventually intervenes and ends the hostilities, but she only got involved because it was close to Christmas and the whole holiday was on the line. The other 11 months of that year, and apparently all of every year before that, these two unhinged Elemental Gods were left unchecked to wage their war across the face of the Earth.
"I only got 364 days of holiday a year and I'm not gonna waste them on you brats."
So what happens when the magical Mrs. Claus isn't there to stand in their way? What if one of them eventually destroys the other? Or worse, what if they don't annihilate each other and the rest of eternity is just a constant power struggle between the two, with our home as their battleground? Temperatures would swing wildly, entirely on the whim of their cruel masters. You'd get frostbite and heatstroke on the same day, freak blizzards canceled out by lasting droughts, global warming and ice ages accompanying every temper tantrum.
But hey, maybe we're blowing this out of proportion. Surely neither of these children's movie villains could be so powerful as to destroy an entire plane --
Hope you enjoy city-killing tidal waves for Christmas.