Cracked Round-Up: Eye of the Holiday Storm Edition

Welcome, loyal Cracked-heads, to the most awkward time of the year! Thanksgiving and Halloween are in the bag, but we still have weeks to go before Christmas. There's only one way to make it through this mid-season slump, and that 'way' is roughly a gallon of alcoholic egg nog per day. It's the only way to stay drunk enough to handle hearing the same Christmas music piped over store speakers for days on end AND ensure that you don't suffer from nog cravings once the holidays are past. By January 1st, we'll be just sick enough to handle another eleven months of abstinence. Well, eggnog abstinence anyway.

Curious about the next Batman movie? Study some advanced Batman theory with Cody and you'll know the dark and terrible truth. Luke McKinney will teach you the the rich history of being an asshole in online games and then Christina's study on the dark side of gaming addiction will stop you from ever playing again. Chris Bucholz followed up with a a guide to shopping for impossible people while Brockway wrote about doing something healthy for the first time in his career. John Cheese explained why the people who say "money can't buy happiness" are full of shit. Dan O'Brien closed us out with the five jobs every human needs to work if we're ever going to make this world less awful.

SUSPICIOUS MINDS

8 Gadgets That Lie to You Every Day Turns out, the machines aren't any less full of shit than the rest of us.

Notable Comment: "lol these gadgets lie just like the liberal media lies to us every day with there propoganda about the political correctness and the global warms."

MrsCullens post stands on its own. We just wanted to highlight it.

INJURY AND INSPIRATION

6 People Who Gained Amazing Skills from Brain Injuries Why are we so gung-ho about wearing helmets when traumatic brain injuries can be so awesome?

Notable Comment: "i told my boy this recently..i believe that our brains are really a filter from other dimensions and consciousness and when that goes awry (brain injury)u start to get the "unfiltered content" come into this reality"

We imagine rampoop imparting this wisdom to his child right before the flash-bangs go off and the SWAT team moves in.

OBSESSIVE DETAIL

7 Movies That Put Insane Work Into Details You Didn't Notice Sometimes, you just work to make yourself happy. And if you happen to be OCD to the point of crippling distraction, this happens.

Notable Comment: "I love you for the Supernatural reference. Marry me?"

Okay, wardrums1511, but you have to give us power of attorney. Don't ask why.

NEAR ANNIHILATION

7 Nuclear Weapon Screw-Ups You Won't Believe We Survived Try not to think about the hundreds of unreported nuclear fuck-ups this article implies.

Notable Comment: "The Soviets didn't call it the Tsar Bomba, we did. They called it Kuz'kina Mat ("Kuzka's Mother," something that has never been seen before). Then when the USSR collapsed, the American name took precedence because in all honesty ours was better."

That's why the Russians lost, Proscriptor. Shitty doomsday device names.

TARGETTING EVIL

5 New Products Aimed Directly at The Worst People You Know Assholes have money too.

Notable Comment: "from now on I'm listing 'Cracked Boy Slave' as a previous occupation on all my resumes and job applications"

LUKeeper is walking a dangerous line. Our former boyslaves hold positions of power all around the world. And they are serious about punishing people who lay claim to their legacy.

Cody Johnston, Justin Viar

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Via Campfire Sing Along Cracked and the outdoors- what could be more magical?

YOU YOU YOU!

13 Misconceptions About Today from Future History Classes We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Clumsily Censored Images/Movie Scenes, When Facebook Profiles Start Revealing Too Much and The Conspiracy Behind Everyday Annoyances.