Cracked Round-Up: Amateur Chemistry Edition

Can you believe most people buy their fireworks from a store? They're perfectly willing to pay a 200% mark-up for something as vague as "safety" and "a complete lack of volatile ingredients". Sure, the man says you shouldn't use a metal coffee can as the base for your homemade Roman Candle. But the man doesn't know shit about throwing a good party. If you aren't willing to put up with a few minor shrapnel wounds and the odd perforated eardrums, you really aren't willing to have a good time.


People don't tend to think critically about their zombie movies. Thankfully, we have Luke McKinney to clear up our ignorance about infamous (and ineffective) zombie killing weapons. Soren Bowie's uncle Frank gave out answers to supernatural mysteries while Chris Bucholz looked at the things you regretted after this Halloween. Christina covered B.S. stories about sports the media uses when they're out of ideas and Robert Brockway spilled the rancid beans on Los Angeles. John Cheese closed us off with an optimistic look at aging, based on the fact that being young kind of sucks.


BAD FEELINGS
The 7 Creepiest Places on Earth (Part 3)
If you're looking for a terrifying drug trip or a tetanus/ghost-rape double-whammy, any entry on this list will do.


Notable Comment: "I LOVE CREEPY PLACE SPECIALLY GREENLAND JAPAN WHERE I CAN BE ALONE AND FREE"

Based solely on this sentence, we deduce that barkido has between seven and twelve corpses in his basement.



POOR JUDGEMENT
5 Logical Fallacies That Make You Wrong More Than You Think
Everything you know isn't quite a lie, but it's definitely stupid.


Notable Comment: "The flea party is too stupid to have a hidden agenda. They're made up of college age morons and ex-hippie geezers. Yeah, they people donating the funds may have their own hidden agenda, but the people there are too doped up to."

Thanks for this, f.korambayil. It's not often someone proves an entire article accurate with three simple sentences.



POINTLESS EVIL
The 5 Most Needlessly Evil Movie Villain Strategies
Evil doesn't need to be rational, but it shouldn't be retarded.


Notable Comment: "It's pretty obvious that the villain from Up! was nuts. Cookoo, bent, fruit loops, wacky, sniffing glue, crazy, insane, up the creek without a creek. But it was probably from 70 years of exile and having to pick up the doodoo from 50 odd dogs."

Okay, NathanLoiselle. So Muntz is too crazy to think rationally about recapturing the bird from a small boy and his elderly abductor. But he's not too crazy to successfully teach animals without opposable thumbs to pilot complex aircraft.

MAD SCIENCE
5 Energy Crisis Solutions Clearly Designed by a Supervillain
These are the inventions that will either save mankind or fuck up gloriously and spawn a whole new generation of super-powered psychopaths.


Notable Comment: "Well, I'm off to start digging to the molten core of the planet so that I can power my house."

If you make it down there BreeNC, try and bring us back a Morlock. We have...experiments to run.



MONSTER TAMERS
The 6 Most Incredible Real World Beast Masters
Please note that Cracked.com does not endorse or support keeping terrifying animals as pets. But we might feature you in an article if you try it and survive.


Notable Comment: "I didn't know crocodiles even had the mental capacity for non-aggression. I guess my dreams of having one as a pet aren't dead after all!"

Martinthew, the only thing dead here will be you, presumably after trying to teach an eighteen foot caiman how to shake.





MICHAEL SWAIM
A Surprisingly Plausible Republican Candidate
Cracked gets political.


YOU YOU YOU!
26 Ads for Products That Must Exist in Video Games
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Things Foreign People Suspect about Life in America, The Awful Comedy Movie Premises They'll Be Making Next and If Everyday Life Had an Interface Like an FPS Game.

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

4 Comments

The Cracked Podcast

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!