3Grady Franklin Stiles Jr. -- The Lobster Boy
What Grady Stiles, aka "The Lobster Boy," lacks in murderous volume, he makes up for in nightmarish creepiness.
Grady Stiles Jr., born on July 18, 1937 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, had a congenital defect known as ectrodactyly (literally, "monstrous fingers"), which was common in his family.
It's subtle, but his hands are abnormal.
This deformity didn't keep the afflicted members of the Stiles brood down, however, as they found their perfect niche in the "carnival freak" community. And Grady's freakishness was spectacular, as not only were his hands fused into claws, but also his legs and feet were stunted into flippers. His father was already an attraction at the traveling sideshows, so he quickly put Grady to work in the tents at age 7, billing him as the amazing Lobster Boy, a moniker he would retain for the remainder of his life.
In modern times they would call him "Lawyers' Wet Dream."
Grady grew up, married another carnival performer named Mary Teresa Herzog and by all accounts was a mean, drunken, hateful bastard. He was constantly both mentally and physically abusive toward his wife and the four children he produced (two out of the four being lobsters). His handicap left him unable to walk, but because he constantly used his arms to move he developed massive upper body strength, allowing him to deliver vicious pinches, punches, headbutts and choke holds to any and all who displeased him.
Grady was so proud of his claws that he bragged "Everyone I have sex with wants to have sex with my claws!" which we want to point out suggests that not only did Grady have weird lobster sex, but that he had it with more than one person.
As evidenced by his children, named "Proof" and "Suck It."
When one of Grady's non-lobster daughters got engaged, Grady became jealous and ended the marriage before it began by shotgunning her fiancee to death on the eve of their wedding in 1978 (how he managed to fire said shotgun is strangely absent from historical records). Even though Grady openly admitted to the act and showed no remorse whatsoever, he was set free after being sentenced to only 15 years probation, presumably because the prison system had no facilities to accommodate lobsters.
"No, for the last time I don't need a tank, you insensitive asshole."
His wife Mary left him, got remarried and had another child, but for some reason grew weary of her new life and returned to Grady's open claws for a second marriage. Grady had not changed his ways, and in point of fact would frequently threaten to kill Mary and her family. It seemed only a matter of time before he made good, so Mary and her son Glenn paid another carnival worker $1,500 to shoot Grady four times in the head while he drank and watched television, which seems like something else they probably could've charged admission for.
Grady Stiles was so despised in his community that nobody could be found to step forward to serve as a pallbearer, and his simple gravestone was devoid of any epitaph. The only engravings, aside from his name, were two sets of clasped, praying hands.
It was decided that it was actually worse than the middle finger they originally chose.
2Mary Mallon -- The Human Plague
Mary Mallon, aka "Typhoid Mary," has to hold the all-time record for most accidental killings, though there does come a point where the woman deserves a least a little bit of the blame.
Mallon was born on September 23, 1869 in Ireland and immigrated to the United States at the age of 15 to eke out a living as a domestic servant, because that's the American dream. She found she had a talent for cooking, presumably because there is literally nothing else to do in Ireland, which allowed her to make a decent living among the upper class of the New York area.
That's her on the right at the ripe old age of 15.
In 1900 she found herself in the employ of a household in Mamaroneck, but after only two weeks all of the residents had developed a serious illness. Mary moved to Manhattan and took a job with another wealthy family, again as the cook. Soon after securing her position, several family members started to develop fevers and diarrhea, and one of her fellow workers died. Mary took yet another cooking job at the home of a rich lawyer, and not much time had passed before seven of the eight members of the family were stricken with disease.
We're sure at this point you're sensing a pattern, and evidently so did the New York Board of Health. Dr. Sara Josephine Baker responded to investigate, but Mary refused to hear any talk of her possible link to the sickness and death that seemed to follow her around. A disease researcher, George Soper, approached Mary and asked her to provide urine and fecal samples, but he too was rebuffed, as are most strange men who ask women for souvenirs of their bodily functions.
Via Wikimedia Commons
This is Mary in the hospital, along with what appears to be several of her clones.
As it turns out, Mary was crawling with Salmonella typhi bacilli, or typhoid fever, acting as a carrier without showing any symptoms herself. She refused to believe she was the root of all the illness around her, and would even assist in caring for the bedridden accidental typhoid victims, which of course just added to the problem.
Mary was forcibly placed into quarantine at an island clinic, languishing away until 1910, when the new New York State Commissioner of Health decided that keeping disease carriers in forced isolation was cruel, whereupon Mary was given a choice. The authorities told Mary that she was free to leave on one condition -- that she would no longer work in the culinary field. Mary agreed and rejoined society, a phrase which here means "she took a job as a cook, in a fucking hospital."
"Hey, Mary, remember that quiet little cabin you used to pretend that you hated?"
When 25 people came down with typhoid fever after they'd come to the hospital for treatment of other ailments, Typhoid Mary was again taken into custody and sent back to her island quarantine, where she spent the remainder of her life. Reporters and researchers would occasionally drop by the island to interview her, but nobody challenged her with the most important question: Since Salmonella typhi is found in human urine and feces, what the hell was going on in Mary Mallon's kitchen, and why was her cooking so popular among the New York elite?