4Alien Monsters Sashay Through No Man's Land in District 9
District 9 follows Wikus, a government agent who, after getting exposed to some alien goo, slowly turns into an alien himself. This makes him a fugitive, on the run from the evil corporation that wants to dissect him. Along the way, he befriends an alien (named Christopher) and together they have to retrieve a canister of an alien substance that will help make Wikus human again and let the alien go back home.
On his planet, he's totally hot.
The canister, unfortunately, is at the headquarters of the aforementioned evil corporation, located in the heart of Johannesburg. Wikus and Christopher do the only thing they can -- they get some weapons and ...
BAM! SURPRISE ATTACK MOTHERFUCKERS! They just tore the face off their lair!
That's right, Wikus and Mork blast their way into the building and snatch up the goop with almost no major setbacks because, hell, the evil corporate scientists did not see that coming! There's only one problem:
"... Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind ..."
The entire first act of this film is devoted to establishing the fact that these aliens, who are only known by the derogatory term "prawns," are in no way allowed outside of District 9. So just how in the hell did Wikus, a wanted man, and the alien, a 10-foot-tall monster pariah, walk around in a crowded city without anyone noticing?
And it's not like they were slinking over to the botanical gardens on the outskirts of town; their destination was the building of the company monitoring and controlling the aliens. It's like if Osama bin Laden had marched right into CIA headquarters undetected, along with his pet bear.
And we know that Wikus and Alf didn't just murder their way across the city, because up until that point Wikus had established a strong "no murder" stance on the humans. And they couldn't bribe their way there because we literally see Wikus get his ass robbed right before this scene. What'd they do, put on disguises and take a cab? They were carrying huge-ass alien guns. Maybe they climbed inside a huge crate and mailed themselves there? Because if so that should totally have been left in the movie.
3Magneto Is a Free Man (For No Good Reason)
The first thing you need to know about the X-Men supervillain Magneto is that he's an elderly Holocaust survivor who can control metal (just accept this). The second thing you need to know is that he spent three films trying to kill the universe, only to be thwarted by the X-Men every time. At one point he is successfully imprisoned, but murders his way out using the powers of evil and metal manipulation so he can continue to wreak havoc.
And these weren't just rinky dinky Lex Luthor amateur show schemes, either. By the third movie, the guy is engineering a mutant terrorist army and tearing up the Golden Gate Bridge, because lord knows mutants are anything but subtle.
You could have just mutated yourself a boat, jackoff.
Once again, Magneto and the X-Men go to battle. And during the battle, Mag gets a taste of his own medicine, literally, because he gets injected with some mutant cure, which leaves him powerless. He escapes, the X-Men win, everybody's happy. We even see the Golden Gate Bridge, back to its original spot and being repaired as Angel, a winged mutant, flies above the San Francisco skyline ...
Probably should have just repaired it with concrete and plastic. Just to be safe.
A sullen-looking Magneto sits at a chessboard in the park with a case of the grumps.
Awwww ... he needs a hug. A justice hug.
So, the guy who tried to kill EVERY HUMAN IN THE WORLD is now free to wear a newsy cap and play strategy games in public spaces. Either this is a universe where the scales of justice don't even bother with the unmutated (in which case, hey Hitler, you could have saved that bullet!) or the greatest crimes against humanity are punished with unmitigated freedom and leisurely afternoons in the park.
Then there's the possibility that Magneto just didn't get caught -- that he didn't go through a court system at all, which is even worse. Look at him -- not only is he not disguised, he's IN THE SAME FUCKING CITY THAT HE JUST ATTACKED. Earlier we compared a scene to bin Laden walking into the CIA building, but this is actually worse -- this is bin Laden sitting in the middle of Central Park three months after 9/11, completely undisguised. Either because the authorities are that incompetent, or because he got crippled somehow and society said, "Eh, he can't do terrorism any more. Just let him be."
Never Forget ... Or Forget ... Whatever ...