The magic of movie-making is that directors have the luxury of leaving the boring shit out. One minute Kate Winslet is whistling her heart out in the middle of a corpse-filled ocean; the next, she's a decade too old for a part on The Golden Girls. That's what they call editing, kids!
The thing is, that casual jump from A to B is also used as a writer's crutch to gloss over the stuff they didn't have the time to think through -- little things like "continuity," "logic" and "whether or not our protagonist just did some accidental murder."
For example ...
Note: When people were making the first movies, it took a couple decades for anyone to figure out the concept of "cutting" from one angle to another, and even longer to decide to use "cutting" to indicate the passage of time. And even longer to realize, "Hey, since we can just jump around and hide stuff, our stories don't even have to make sense anymore!" It's truly amazing how far cinematic technology has come. We can only hope that one day, we evolve beyond stories entirely, and then burn what remains of our world and return to the stars. -Cracked
#6. Batman Leaves the Joker With a Room Full of Victims
At one point in The Dark Knight, the Joker decides to go after Harvey Dent at a fundraising party, where (unbeknownst to him) Bruce Wayne/Batman happens to also be in attendance. Bruce takes it upon himself to hide Mr. Dent, then slips out to put on his Batman guyliner and practice his scary voice.
"I eat three packs of cigarettes a day."
So the Joker hops in and starts some shit with Gotham's finest, as supervillains are apt to do. Before you know it, all hell breaks loose, and the Joker throws Batman's girlfriend Maggie Gyllenhaal out the window. Batman, driven by his high regard for both human life and boobs, dives out of the building after her and performs a Bat-abulous mid-fall catch.
After awkwardly landing on a car, the two sigh in relief that everyone is safe. Yep! Everyone made it out of that situation just fine!
"You're safe now." Roll credits.
The party is over, and all of Gotham is trying to figure out what they're going to do with a psychotic clown on the loose. At no point does anyone feel the need to discuss just what the fuck happened when Batman left a room full of Gotham's wealthiest citizens completely alone with the craziest motherfucker in town.
"Sometimes I hear oranges."
Keep in mind that before Batman arrived at the party, the Joker was literally about to cut someone's face open in order to find Harvey Dent. Yet, when Batman jumps out the window to save not-Katie Holmes, he never returns. The Joker is alone with a crowd of unarmed victims. And Batman just bounces?
Eh, they'll be OK. It's not like he's crazy enough to blow up a hospital or something.
OK, sure, Batman is right downstairs, so it's possible that perhaps the Joker got spooked and made a run for it. But even if he did ... well ... Batman is right downstairs. How in the hell did he even escape the situation? He's on the top of a skyscraper and Batman is the doorman. Did Batman get off that car they landed on and go get a burger or something?
#5. Cypher Should Have Been "The One" in The Matrix
Even if Matrix Revolutions prompted you to undergo a state-of-the-art memory swiping procedure to forget your previous love for the Matrix movies, you probably still remember the rules of the Matrix universe:
- You need someone's help to get you into the Matrix (somebody to plug you in and operate the console to jack you in)
- If you die in the Matrix, you die in real life
- Once in, you need an operator to find an extraction point in order to leave
- Black leather looks bitchin' whipping through the air
This is how we greet visitors at the Cracked offices.
What you probably don't remember was one small but significant moment that changes everything. You probably remember the scene:
It's late at night on the ship that Neo, Morpheus and the rest of the crew work on, and everyone has gone to bed. Everyone, that is, except for two people: the traitor Cypher and the hero Neo. The two sit in front of all those nifty Matrix monitors drinking moonshine while Cypher explains that experienced Matrixeers such as himself are able to see what is happening in the Matrix just by looking at all that green shit dripping down the screens.
Above: The nastiest orgy in Vatican history.
Neo runs off to bed and leaves Cypher, now the only awake crew member and the lone conspirator for his evil plan, to his own devices. The camera pushes slowly into the Matrix code running on the monitors ...
Cypher sits in a restaurant inside the Matrix, eating steak, drinking wine and selling out his species. For some unimaginable reason, this guy doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with gray metal surfaces and poorly knitted sportswear, so he has decided to make a deal with the villain Agent Smith in order to be plugged back into the Matrix permanently. All he has to do is betray Morpheus.
True, Cypher is later exposed and destroyed for his mischief-making, but what we want to know is who was Cypher's accomplice? Who plugged him in? And if there wasn't one, how powerful was this guy, really?
Evidently not powerful enough to touch a conscious woman.
Because remember, you couldn't just plug and unplug yourself in and out of the Matrix -- if you could, then literally none of the plot points of the entire trilogy would exist. Every time you were in danger, you could just log out.
No, you need someone to physically put you in and pull you out, which they can only do after finding an exit point. So how the hell did Cypher sneak into, and back out of, the Matrix on his own? He had to have someone else there. And we know what you're thinking -- Agent Smith, right? But if Smith was in there with him, why would he even need anyone's help to get to Morpheus? It sure as hell wouldn't have required an in-Matrix kung-fu ambush.
In other words, either Cypher had an unknown accomplice who the movie never mentions, or Morpheus pegged his "Messiah" pipe dreams on the wrong guy all along.
"I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't need the headset."
#4. Alien Monsters Sashay Through No Man's Land in District 9
District 9 follows Wikus, a government agent who, after getting exposed to some alien goo, slowly turns into an alien himself. This makes him a fugitive, on the run from the evil corporation that wants to dissect him. Along the way, he befriends an alien (named Christopher) and together they have to retrieve a canister of an alien substance that will help make Wikus human again and let the alien go back home.
On his planet, he's totally hot.
The canister, unfortunately, is at the headquarters of the aforementioned evil corporation, located in the heart of Johannesburg. Wikus and Christopher do the only thing they can -- they get some weapons and ...
BAM! SURPRISE ATTACK MOTHERFUCKERS! They just tore the face off their lair!
That's right, Wikus and Mork blast their way into the building and snatch up the goop with almost no major setbacks because, hell, the evil corporate scientists did not see that coming! There's only one problem:
"... Blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind ..."
The entire first act of this film is devoted to establishing the fact that these aliens, who are only known by the derogatory term "prawns," are in no way allowed outside of District 9. So just how in the hell did Wikus, a wanted man, and the alien, a 10-foot-tall monster pariah, walk around in a crowded city without anyone noticing?
And it's not like they were slinking over to the botanical gardens on the outskirts of town; their destination was the building of the company monitoring and controlling the aliens. It's like if Osama bin Laden had marched right into CIA headquarters undetected, along with his pet bear.
And we know that Wikus and Alf didn't just murder their way across the city, because up until that point Wikus had established a strong "no murder" stance on the humans. And they couldn't bribe their way there because we literally see Wikus get his ass robbed right before this scene. What'd they do, put on disguises and take a cab? They were carrying huge-ass alien guns. Maybe they climbed inside a huge crate and mailed themselves there? Because if so that should totally have been left in the movie.