The 6 Most Ridiculous Superhero Weaknesses

Look, we get why superheroes need weaknesses. You can't just have them going around doing as they please without any limitations or every crisis would be over in five minutes.

But for whatever reason, comic book writers ran out of weaknesses that make any kind of sense at all right around the time that they decided the Green Lantern's weakness is the color yellow.

#6. Wonder Woman: Having Her Hands Tied by a Man

dccomics

Wonder Woman, besides usually being the only thing that keeps the Justice League from turning into a complete sausage party, has transcended comic books and become an enduring symbol for feminism. She's always been portrayed as a badass Amazon warrior who doesn't take shit from anyone and, unlike Batman, she isn't afraid to break a neck or two when she has to.

comicvine
"Guess I'm in quite a snappy mood today, haha ... but no, seriously, that's murder."

Why do you think Gotham City gets all the great villains? Most of them are too afraid to go near Wonder Woman's turf.

The Ridiculous Weakness:

Of course, originally Wonder Woman was created as, well, pretty much the exact opposite of what we just described. We've mentioned before that her creator believed bondage was the key to a healthy relationship and tried to include as much as of it in his comics as possible -- what we didn't tell you is that he also made it so all of Wonder Woman's amazing powers were rendered completely useless if her hands were bound by a man.

toplessrobot
"I'm a normal woman now! What fate could be worse?"

And yes, it only works if a man does it, so when you think about, the real weakness here is scrotums. However, her one weakness was also apparently the only thing keeping her destructive tendencies in check: If Wonder Woman's Bracelets of Submission were broken, she would "launch into an uncontrollable rage."

This wasn't just in the '40s, by the way -- the same ridiculously offensive weaknesses were still being used as recently as the late '70s, while the live-action Wonder Woman TV show was on the air:

dc.wikia
"I CAN NO LONGER CONTAIN MY HATRED OF TRUCKS!"

It was only in the '80s that DC Comics started ignoring all that crap. Fortunately this still gives us 40 years of material to take out of context and make fun of.

yesbutnobutyes
A henchman chipped her nail in issue #45 so she just sat down and waited to be shot.

#5. Thor: Letting Go of His Hammer for 60 Seconds

marvel.wikia

If Wonder Woman is about feminism, The Mighty Thor is all about how wonderful it is to have a penis. It would be silly to pretend that comic book writers are completely unaware of the phallic nature of Thor's hammer -- it's, uh, kinda hard to miss. He even gave it a nickname ("Mjolnir") and has been known to flaunt it in front of the ladies.


"Too easy." -Cracked Caption Department

With his super strength, flight, control of lightning and (at this point) superfluous magical abilities, Thor is possibly the most powerful superhero ever. All those powers are derived from his massive dong-like hammer ... you can probably see where this is going.

The Ridiculous Weakness:

As explained in the early Thor comics, if he lets go of his hammer for more than a minute he loses his god status and becomes human, while the hammer itself turns into a flimsy walking stick.

Marvel Team-Up #26 (1974)
Though he does gain the new powers of walking away nonchalantly and filing his taxes.

To make matters worse, Thor's secret identity (med student Donald Blake) is basically a younger version of the main character from House, right down to the crippled leg, the scrawny physique and the annoying god complex (though in this case it's somewhat justified). Think about it: Thor is the mightiest hero ever, but he can't even fall asleep without firmly clutching his hammer under the covers and oh God the penis similarities keep coming. But all of that is beside the point. This weakness wouldn't be so much of a problem if Thor's main crime-fighting method didn't consist of throwing the hammer great distances.


"Really should have thought that through."

Usually Mjolnir comes back by itself, but the only thing his enemies have to do is make sure it doesn't and Thor is completely fucked. This happened more often than you'd think.

supermegamonkey
It slid under his car one time and he got all muddy and flustered while retrieving it.

Oh, and if anyone else happens to pick up the hammer while Thor is rushing to reach it, if they "be worthy," they gain all of his powers. Eventually, Thor's laughable 60-second limitation was removed through complex mystical methods.

#4. Venom: Tiny Amounts of Fire

marvel.wikia

Venom is one of the deadliest and most terrifying villains in comics (at least when he's not being played by the guy from That '70s Show). If Spider-Man's powers are a drawn-out metaphor for Peter Parker going through puberty, Venom represents that one time Pete became addicted to hard drugs and ended up mugging his own aunt for crack money.

Wikipedia
His ensuing mental breakdown was covered extremely sensitively in the third movie.

Venom started out as Spider-Man's powers-enhancing black costume and later turned out to be an evil alien entity with a mind of its own. Spidey hasn't "used" Venom for about 20 years, but he's been cleaning up after that mess almost every day since. So how do you stop a merciless killer who knows everything about you, routinely bonds with your worst enemies and hates you with the passion of a scorned lover?

The Ridiculous Weakness:

Fire, and we're not talking flamethrower here. We're talking matches. According to Marvel's website, Venom is "extremely vulnerable to heat" (and also loud noises), and they're not kidding. Check out the time Venom was about to kill Spider-Man ...

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)

... only for some random guy to save him with a cheap lighter. Lucky for Venom he wasn't also carrying an air horn.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)
"Why would you be so mean, Spider-Man?!"

At this point Venom completely loses his shit and his clothes literally jump off his body out of sheer terror. Over a $1 lighter. The real question here is why Spider-Man doesn't carry one at all times.

Peter Parker: Spider-Man #16 (2000)
Wow, the writers just went full on meta here and admitted they repeat themselves a bunch.

Think about the implications of this. The guy wearing the Venom costume typically must keep it on at all times, so cooking with anything other than a microwave is impossible. The Fourth of July must be terrifying, as he could be held at bay by any group of 8-year-olds with sparklers. Even the other Spider-Man villains make fun of him because of it.

4thletter
"Come on Electro, Kraven and Fishbowl Helmet Guy, let's leave this silly motherfucker alone."

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