#5. Migraine Magic Plus
One of the main symptoms of a bad migraine is the strong desire to lock yourself in a dark room and press a pillow against your head. This solution isn't very practical if you are among the employed or have any kind of responsibilities at all. That's why these state-of-the-art migraine-healing glasses exist.
On the plus side, you won't look out of place on the paintball field or skiing.
Those dick-like protrusions press themselves against your face and massage away the pain. Or, you know, they could go rogue and poke you repeatedly in the eyes. Which, now that we think about it, would distract you from your migraine, so win-win!
If people ask what's going on, you can always tell them that the sun is nearly extinguished in your era and it's taking you a while to adjust to 21st-century sunlight.
#4. Personal Cooling Collar
As hot as the weather can get sometimes, you can't just walk down the street pointing a battery-operated fan at yourself all day -- that would be silly. Also, your arm would get super tired. Believe it or not, someone has come up with a classy, sleek-looking solution for both of these problems.
It's the perfect gift for someone you like, but also view as a sexual rival.
No, seriously, this thing actually works. The collar is filled with water, and an internal fan helps it evaporate around your neck, thus keeping you cool and refreshed even in the hottest of summer days. On the downside, if you leave the prison boundaries it makes your head explode.
#3. Balance Ball Chair
You just know this woman uses the word "glutes" on an hourly basis.
Sitting on an exercise ball may not be the most comfortable thing in the world, but it's good for you -- it works your abs and it's really good for your lower back. It forces your core muscles to keep working as you type (to keep you from tumbling onto the floor while your "chair" bounces into the hall where the boss trips over it and breaks his neck).
Thus we have the Balance Ball Chair, created with the help of chiropractors and designed to help you maintain a better posture and such. We've talked about the importance of sitting properly and how "active sitting" could save your life -- but let's face it, chances are this will never catch on simply because it makes you look like at any moment you're going to grab onto a pair of handles and go bouncing across the parking lot.
Which actually might be pretty awesome.
#2. Gold-N-Hot Ionic Soft Bonnet Dryer
Finally! It's the superior hair-drying job of a fancy professional salon hair dryer, in the comfort of your own home!
And ... why is it gold, again? And why does it seem to have eyes in the forehead so that it appears you're staring out of the mouth hole of a screaming sports mascot costume?
#1. Women's P-EZ Travel Urinal
"... and the Least Dignified Packaging award goes to ..."
This simple contraption allows women to pretend they have a penis, if only for "peeing standing up" purposes. And you know what, it's actually pretty useful. Think about it: If you're a woman and you really need to pee, wouldn't you kill for something like this when confronted with, say, a gas station toilet seat or something? No more squatting in the bushes for you!
Roughly 16 percent of you are turned on right now.
And the next time the line to the ladies' room is too long, you can simply march into the men's room and make yourself compatible with a standing urinal. And when else are you going to get the pleasure of seeing your own piss? Hell, we don't even know why this is on the list. What self-respecting woman would feel at all weird about pissing out of a purple robot dick?