The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

Cracked Round-Up: Labor Day Weekend Edition

This is it, folks- Labor Day weekend! The weekend we've been waiting for since whatever the last three-day weekend was. Easter? Do we celebrate Easter here? We can't even remember. We got way too festive this morning with the traditional Labor Day vodka and pickle juice smoothies. Now everything tastes green and the office keeps spinning around us. This can only mean one thing- we're just moments away from the first traditional blackout of the traditional Labor Day drinking binge. TRADITION!


Chris Bucholz blasted our week off with several blasts from the present that were actually blasts from the past! We hope Big is the next movie to get the accidental 80s treatment. Christina took a look at words the Internet likes to confuse with other words and then Bucholz followed up with a damning indictment of our comments section. Sorry guys (and that one weird girl). Next was Cody, who broke the biggest story in literature: Harry Potter 8 is coming. And really, weirdly depressing. Brockway freebased some nostalgia with his list of overlooked (but crucial) archetypes of childhood while Swaim took a lot of drugs and then we don't know what the fuck happened. John Cheese closed our week by exposing the buried douchebaggery of celebrities you thought weren't.



HILARIGANDA!
The 7 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Propaganda Campaigns
Who knew keeping the masses shackled by ignorance could be so funny!


Notable Comment: "Should of included anti drug propaganda "

TheBusBandit should have spent a little less time smoking crack and a little more time reading The Elements of Style.



BRAIN LIES
The 6 Most Frequently Quoted Brain Facts that are Total BS
Brains are complicated. That's why we just use our spinal cords. Life is a breeze without any higher cognitive functions. We're even starting to see the appeal to Michele Bachmann.


Notable Comment:"What is shirtcocking? I could just google it, but I am at work and am a little scarred at what images may pop up."

Listen, Beastermob. Sometimes you have to make it up to the front of the class to write an answer on the chalkboard. Only you can't, because it's Erection:30 and your crotch looks like the prow of a Spanish Galleon. Shirtcocking is how you hide that fleshy redwood from the rest of the class.



RETROACTIVE VICTORY
5 Embarrassing Failures History Class Turned into Victories
See kids? Even if you do fail miserably, someone else a few centuries on down the line might interpret your crippling inadequacy as greatness. Reach for the stars!


Notable Comment:"Hello it's dunkerque, not dunkirk."

This is America, WillBlatte, and we speak the King's English here.



HAIRY SOMETHING
The 5 Most Depraved Sex Scenes Implied by Harry Potter
Ick.


Notable Comment: "I've often wondered about these points myself. The mechanics of a human copulating with a giant are titillating enough..."

We're going to stop you there JessieMatthies, because we are just balls out terrified right now.



LONE BADASS
5 Untrained Civilians Who Took on Armies
They say one man can't win a war. We say they just haven't found the right man (or right random Spanish chick).


Notable Comment:"Why is it that I learned about someone as awesome as Zinaida Portnova from a comedy web site, as opposed to my high school history teacher?"

Because your teachers are assholes, SethPatrich. Because your teachers are assholes.





Team Tiger Awesome
The Most Groundbreaking Ventriloquist Ever
Here's to LaFitte.


YOU YOU YOU!
If You Could Photoshop the Real World
We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Scandalous Paparazzi Photos of Historical Figures, If Every iPhone or Browser Game Got a Movie and The Downside of Being a Parent of a Superhero.
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