What would you say is the single biggest source or symbol of your strength and power as an individual? The answer is easy: just look down.
We're talking, of course, about your pants. The world didn't make the transition from robes to pants as an arbitrary fashion statement -- it required decrees by rulers, massive social upheaval, and the liberation of oppressed classes.
Each of those events in history has served to reaffirm one thing: Pants equal power. Seriously.
5Henry VIII's Codpiece Changes The World
So if we're going to talk about how pants have been at the center of social change for the last 500 years, we have to go back to Henry VIII, and specifically Henry VIII's dick.
We're legitimately sorry for that image.
Oh, pants were around for a long time before that, but were treated the way assless chaps are treated now. Poetry written in Ancient Greece suggests that pants were ridiculed and viewed with contempt by the Greeks. You know, the guys who went around dressed in togas.
Even the Romans saw pants as barbaric. But then Henry VIII came along. And his dick.
"This is the most elegant possible way to showcase a penis."
You see, Henry was extremely proud of his athletic build (at least in his younger years), and for him, pants were a great way to show off his manly calves. We'll admit Henry's "pants" don't look terribly masculine today (they're more like leggings), but back then, they were seen as a sign of his total authority ... mainly because they allowed him to sport enormous codpieces.
NOW YOU CAN'T UNSEE IT.
Men have equaled dongs with power since the dawn of time, and Henry simply found a convenient way to display that power in public without being classified as a sex offender.
"I don't care if my arms look comically undersized. Just make sure my boner is showing."
If you think we're joking, remember that Henry VIII was the man who changed the religion of an entire country to satisfy his penis -- Henry's might very well be the single most influential set of genitalia in history. Though his beloved codpieces eventually went by the wayside, by then, pants had been established as a symbol of power. Everywhere in Europe, men were donning breeches on a daily basis.
Or almost everywhere ...