Cracked Round-Up: Biking to Work Edition

There's nothing quite like the endorphin high you get from riding your bicycle to work. It starts every day off with zing, a little extra pep in your step that nothing save Breakfast Cocaine can compare to. Speaking of morning blow, does anyone have a hook-up? One more twelve mile ride in the summer heat will have our hamstrings blowing out across the freeway.

Facebook is killing the world, as Luke McKinney's most recent article proves with all the eloquence science-based dick jokes can provide. Next, Soren Bowie's controversial stance on the Tour De France: it's just awful enough to be worth watching. Christina made the case for classes on basic human interaction, an idea that could spawn a class period even more reviled than 11th grade gym. Chris Bucholz takes Science head on, fighting against claims that the Internet indumbifies our brain-meat. Robert Brockway took a look at all the suspicions (dumb) white people have about foreigners, and then John Cheese examined the creepiest sex videos that are also safe-for-work. Dan O'Brien capped things off with a look at Internet trends that defy explanation.

HARRY FAILURES

6 Baffling Attempts to Ride Harry Potter's Coattails And no, we aren't just bitter because Cracked's "Bring your Owl to Work" day was such an abject failure.

Notable Comment: "Cracked Readers: They don't understand sarcasm, personal responsibility, or basic human kindness but by god they can spot Rowdy Roddy Piper at a hundred yards."

We know what's important, Scary-Mike. And that's Rowdy Roddy Piper sir to you.

OLD TIME LIES

The 16 Most Hilariously Dishonest Old School Advertisement All this rich chocolate ovaltine is making us fat. Bring on the Pepsi!

Notable Comment: "Hey, now.. Sea Monkeys were cool. Mine got some kind of algal infection that covered them in a bilious green growth. They would go through cycles of near-extinction and miraculous recovery due to eating the stuff off of one another."

And that, .miplod, is everything you need to know about relationships.

ANONYMOUS INFAMY

6 Famous People Whose Identities We Still Don't Know We may not know Tank Man's name, but we do know that he has the balls of a titan.

Notable Comment:"I don't know how much of this is true. But when JFK was assassinated, my mother told me she knew a store owner who saw shooters on the grassy knoll. He said he was told by unidentified men to keep quiet, so he never said anything. That's the story my mom always told me about. Don't know if the store owner was on some BS or not."

Well gents, Crackcorn and his mother have solved the JFG assasination. Well done.

BAD DRAFT

10 Deleted Scenes That Would've Ruined the Film There's a reason movies have editors and keyboards have a backspace key.

Notable Comment:"The scene is ridiculous, and the movie retarded, but I like the fact that Star Wars finally made use of one of the cool looking female aliens they designed."

zamedine doesn't even care that her "use" was to die for a shitty throw-away gag.

SPIDEY SHAME

7 Real Insect Superpowers that put Spidey Sense to Shame Comic books can't compare to mother nature's twisted imagination. Mainly because Stan Lee won't allow his animators to take LSD anymore.

Notable Comment: "Has DOB read this?"

Actually, wqlk3, we try to keep Dan away from anything involving Spiderman. He's incapable of being objective, and we can't afford to have another intern suffocated by a mock web-gun.

Agents of Cracked

Most Poorly Planned Heist Ever Benedict Arnold is about to arrive.

YOU YOU YOU!

Video Games from the Villain's Point of View We're practically giving money away! Wait, not practically. Totally. We're totally giving away money to people, people with mediocre to decent Photoshop skills. People like you. Wouldn't you like to be a person like you? This week, you can be by entering our latest contests, Creative Ways To Teach Children About the Real World, If Nature Played Practical Jokes and Easter Eggs You Never Noticed in Famous Movies.