Becoming a full-fledged supervillain is not something that happens overnight. It takes years or even decades of meticulous planning, resource accumulation and controlled scheming.
Or, you know, just a large expense account and a grocery list. After all, thanks to the magic of the free market ...
6There Are Companies That Sell Sexy Female Bodyguards
Obviously if you're going to get into the supervillain game, you need a team of highly trained bodyguards/ninjas around you at all times. They'll provide the last line of defense at the climactic fight scene, after all. The problem with real bodyguards, however, is that they tend to look like this:
"Hilarious one-liners are extra."
And you'd be looking at that mug all. The damn. Day. That's not how you roll -- you need something more sophisticated. You need an entourage of (preferably sexy) women who'll spin-kick the first tuxedo-wearing spy who comes along. You need look no further than the Athena Academy.
They specialize in providing top-of-the-line protection from highly trained female bodyguards, with offices in the U.S. and Greece providing female "close protection operatives." If you are already surrounded by women and want to train them up to be bodyguards, Athena will happily do the training.
They'll even teach you how to avoid breaking your neck on a stool.
And business is booming -- in certain social circles, like the Russian money crowd and the Third World despot clique, you're nobody if you don't have a Kill Bill-esque team of karate women around you at all times. For instance, a certain Muammar Gaddafi had been known to travel with an entourage of female bodyguards before his current, um, difficulties. Hell, even the British monarchy employs them.
He may be a butcher, but the man has excellent taste in berets.
5There Is an Open Market for Doomsday Weapons
A craftsman is only as good as his tools, and taking over the world requires some top-of-the-line death machines. But it's not like you can just pick up world-conquering gadgetry at some public market.
"Aisle 5, next to the napalm."
Oh, wait. You totally can. You just need a ticket to the Eurosatory convention in Paris, where the real Tony Starks of the world unveil their newest means of "keeping the peace."
Private military and defense contractors from all over the world converge every two years at the convention for networking, panel discussions and product demonstrations. Yes, it's exactly what you're picturing.
"No, it's cool. That guy I shot was just a journalist."
And, yes, you can totally get in on the action. Just fill out the pre-registration form and wait for your admission pass. While technically this is an invitation-only event, "invitation only" is a flexible term and invitations can be and have been scored by just random guys.
European Security and Defense
"Hey, Scott, it's like one of those things from Terminator!"
Can you hop into one of their futuristic Halo-type armored buggies and take it for a spin in the parking lot? How do you know if you don't ask?
And, more importantly, don't you owe it to yourself to try?
Can you pick up machine guns and point them around and make shooting sounds with your mouth? Hell, why would this even exist if not?
"Guys, check it out! I'm committing a war crime."
Honey, go get us a cart!