5 Supervillain Tactics Science Is Using to Kill Mosquitoes

#2. Chemical Warfare

Humans were using chemicals to wipe out bug populations long before billionaire Hugo Drax came up with the idea using chemical weapons to take over the world in Moonraker. But clouds of smelly chemicals that kill bugs on contact are both far too crude for true supervillainy, and have the nasty habit of killing things other than bugs (see: the whole DDT controversy). No, this calls for a much more devious approach: a chemical that messes with their tiny little bug minds.

Via Kibagusx.blogspot.com
This one has been altered to dance feverishly until death.

Mosquitoes find their human prey via their sense of smell, and as such their sniffers are extra sensitive to the CO2 humans exhale. "Great!" you say to yourself. "We can come up with some chemical that dampens their sense of smell!" No. that would be too simple. Scientists have instead come up with chemicals can do everything from luring mosquitoes to a spot that smells like a human, to convincing the mosquito he's surrounded by delicious humans at every moment until he goes insane and drops dead.

Specifically, surrounded by a herd of Katt Williams.

The downside is it's not clear if those chemicals, if used in amounts sufficient enough to devastate a mosquito population, would be safe for humans to breathe. OK, so what we need is a chemical that is deadly to mosquitoes, but completely harmless to humans even if we were to drink the stuff straight. Enter nootkatone. It's made from grapefruit. You've had it if you've drank a can of Squirt.

"Squirt. Because fuck mosquitoes."

But the effect on mosquitoes is downright hilarious. It seeps into their tiny mosquito brains, making them so hyperactive they literally vibrate themselves to death. Really, it's the next best thing to mind control.

Though, why not just go for the real thing?

#1. Mind Control

Poisoning them, seducing them, giving them STDS... is our revenge too elaborate? Too sadistic? According to science: no. Science says this is just the beginning. Science says it's going to break mosquitoes.

How? Mind control. The general idea is to influence their behavior in such a way so as to prevent them from spreading diseases ever again. Now, you're probably wondering what exactly they are using to control mosquitoes minds and, remembering the focus of most of the projects we've described, you're probably thinking, "its some weird sex thing isn't it? Jesus Christ." Well congratulations! You're totally right! Yet again we've contrived a scheme that hinges entirely on the fact that mosquitoes refuse to wear condoms.

Via Movieline.com
Despite the powerful PSAs.

Scientists have noticed that male mosquito semen changes the behavior of females after they've had nasty mosquito-sex. The females become less active in both of the activities we humans want to stop: they drink less human blood, and they aren't as active in breeding more terrible mosquitoes. They basically go into a kind of post-sex depression. So, the answer is to simply develop some kind of, you know, giant mosquito jizz cannon, right?

Hey, compared to the mosquito, it's enormous.

Apparently that method was rejected as too "gross," so scientists instead gathered some of the semen (presumably by wanking dozens of males with tiny tweezers) and studied it to find just what chemicals had the behavior-altering effect. Once we isolate it, we'll have our mosquito mind control spray! And there is nothing they can do to stop us! Especially now that we've explained our entire plan to them!

For animals who scoff in the face of our human weapons, check out 5 Animals That Are Terrifyingly Hard to Kill and 6 Animals That Just Don't Give a F#@k.

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